True Gent Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Ok I'm currently in the anger phase of my post breakup situation. I'm angry at the fact that she lined up another man before leaving me. However even though I'm spending more time with family and friends (found out I've got better friends than I realised). I'm going no contact and dating new people just casually to begin with and just doing what I want. I cannot escape the glaringly obvious void in my life right now. The person who I put all of my trust in and felt so utterly comfortable and happy with isn't there anymore... Today I made a trip into town to treat myself to some new hifi speakers for my new bachelor pad which I'm moving to in February. Whilst in town I passed so many places/things which made me think of her and our happy times together. I can't comprehend what's going on in her head right now after 9 years together. I'm annoyed with myself for missing her when she's totally devastated me.
WYSWYG Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 We all wish we can avoid that emotional roller-coaster ride. It's so hard to comprehend that the person who said "I love you" in the morning walked away for good that same night. Sleepless nights, dreams, memories - we are at their mercy. Does she even think about me at all? My chest feels hollow and my heart races a lot. 9 years is a very long time. You're doing the right thing by distracting and treating yourself well. Best to avoid any emotional triggers that will remind u of her - I know it's easier said but try to be aware and control your mindset. And I say this a lot. We're hurting right now but they will, too, sooner or later. This too, shall pass. Live and learn for the next one. This forum helps me a lot. Post away. Let it out. Cry when ur sad. Go for a run or hit the gym when ur angry. It really helps to be proactive. 1
Author True Gent Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 We all wish we can avoid that emotional roller-coaster ride. It's so hard to comprehend that the person who said "I love you" in the morning walked away for good that same night. Sleepless nights, dreams, memories - we are at their mercy. Does she even think about me at all? My chest feels hollow and my heart races a lot. 9 years is a very long time. You're doing the right thing by distracting and treating yourself well. Best to avoid any emotional triggers that will remind u of her - I know it's easier said but try to be aware and control your mindset. And I say this a lot. We're hurting right now but they will, too, sooner or later. This too, shall pass. Live and learn for the next one. This forum helps me a lot. Post away. Let it out. Cry when ur sad. Go for a run or hit the gym when ur angry. It really helps to be proactive. Thanks, yeah I've had the dreams, the sleepless nights, today a lot of memories which just come out of nowhere. I'm doing my best to be aware of what I'm thinking/doing and controlling it. I do cry when it needs to come out, that actually subsided very quickly after the breakup which surprised me. I'm just annoyed at her yet really missing her at the same time. I have this horrible want within me for things to really go wrong for her with this new boyfriend. It's not a good mindset, but I really want him to **** her over.
Author True Gent Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 My ex fiancée left me a few weeks ago for someone else. It has been a nightmare, I've been through the humiliating, begging, crying etc... But for 3 weeks now I've maintained NC or minimal only to discuss arrangements with our dogs nothing more. Now I hear through a friend that they've seen my ex on Facebook on holiday with her new man. I know I already knew she was with him and I've been being strong, but of course I've given in and checked Facebook. Seeing her looking stunning with her hand on this mans knee saying how much she loves this particular photo has cut my like a knife. It just shows how little I mean to her after 9 years together. I'm fighting getting in touch, I dunno what I'd even say... I just want to know how serious this new relationship is. She continually denied it to me. I won't even want her back I just don't want him to have her. I feel so sick to the stomach. I almost want to call her mum and ask her what she thinks of the whole thing. Me and her mum got on really well and she didn't agree with the BU.
Author True Gent Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) I would be very foolish to talk to her mum about this wouldn't I? I just cannot comprehend how after 9 years with me she can be doing what she is doing with him instantly. I need some support guys. My Dad is coming over soon because I was in such a state on the phone earlier. I can't let her know I've seen or heard anything I know that will look needy. I'm struggling so badly it's like going back to the start of the BU again. Edited January 2, 2014 by True Gent
Yasuandio Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Man, don't tak to her mum. That's nuts. What she does is none of your business. You gotta stop this cyber-stalking, NOW, period. You start bugging her family member's @ her private life - dude, that could be considered harassment. STOP. Calm down. It's gonna be ok. Come here to post, or stay with friends and family. Maybe you need medical intervention if your aniety is this out of control. Yas
FortunateSon Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Talking to her mom will likely do no good, even if she didn't agree with the BU, her loyalty will always be with her daughter. It might be the time to block her on all social media, nothing good is going to come from seeing/checking on that. Obviously, no contact at all would be ideal. Someone who could jump that from a 9 year relationship to someone else that quickly likely has a lot of issues, even though it doesn't feel like it now, be glad she is no longer your problem. Be strong! Eventually you will get through this and find the right woman for you, while your ex will likely be dealing with the reprocussions of her jumping into a quick rebound relationship! 2
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Look I've been there, I was engaged before and my fiance cheated on me. two weeks later she started dating. I just said its a rebound it won't last she will come back to me (she ended up marrying him). i did all the mistakes in the book and some, begging, pleading, flowers, gifts etc. I Was checking her facebook all the time, her mom loved me and I kept on talking to her for awhile, until i said this is enough, time to go NC. I went NC and never looked back, what she's doing in her life is no longer my concern, problem nor am i privilege to know, the same with your life. The best thing you can do is nothing, no texts, no phone calls, no calling her mom. Will it hurt? Yes, will there be some days you'll feel like cracking and sending a text? yes. But the best thing you can do is sever all ties, and one day you will be ok again. 6
Author True Gent Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks guys. I haven't done anything just been chatting with my Dad for a while. I'd like to clarify I am not having contact with her, she is blocked from my social networks. Someone else basically allowed me to see the pics through their account as I have no access. I didn't want to know about any of it. I was approached with the info. I haven't contacted her mum and I'm not going to. That would be a waste of time. It's just her mum sent me a Xmas card and I know she'll be thinking WTF about the whole thing. I'm keeping out of it. I've had a momentary relapse... It's really hard. I just don't get how she can do what she's doing, I couldn't do it. I know I'm better off without her, I can actually see that. I know her faults and she has many of them believe me. I just don't want someone else to have her.
FortunateSon Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) True Gent, something similar happened to me recently too. My ex-fiancé broke contact last month and "let me know" she is dating someone else. It stung to hear that, but it wasn't the end of the world. She is blocked on social media, I have never checked up on her. Two weeks later, an acquaintance mentioned to me, unsolicited, that he saw a pic of her on FB with another guy...this hurt because I didn't want to believe it. Last week while deleting old comments and pics, even though she is blocked, her profile pic briefly appeared with her and the person she is dating. I didn't look closely at it and left the screen ASAP, but my heart sunk into my stomach. I was devastated, I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I immediately got up and took a drive to get my mind off it. As much as this hurt, the finality set it, she has moved on and any slight hope there was for us was now gone. As much as it hurt, I hope it will be easier moving forward. Edited January 3, 2014 by FortunateSon 1
livingnightmare Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Hi, True Gent. I went through something similar with my ex of 6 yrs. She was at the very least getting close to someone new before it was over and on top pf that then met a stranger in a club straight after the break up and phoned me to tell me what they done all weekend... I know exactly the pain you feel. Complete abandonment. Was a while back for me, but having to have contact because we have a child makes it that much harder I still drop back into depression at times and its 4 yrs on 4 me. No contact is the only way for you, you will get through this and it will get easier, time to concentrate on you, if she can do that she isnt worth it, she has freed you to find a happier life though it wont feel like it yet. Keep posting.. this place helps so much. 1
Author True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for the responses everyone. It's a big comfort to hear of other people who are going through it or have gone through it. I'm thinking about her and him a lot at the moment. She isn't worth my energy I don't want her back. What I do want is the upper hand. I just wish people weren't so insensitive as to go looking at her Facebook and relaying it back to me. For what it's worth I know she is very unbalanced at the moment with every aspect of her life not just relationships. I think she will hit the earth with a hard thud sooner or later and I'll be free of her troubles. That is a good thought. 3
fixing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Thanks for the responses everyone. It's a big comfort to hear of other people who are going through it or have gone through it. I'm thinking about her and him a lot at the moment. She isn't worth my energy I don't want her back. What I do want is the upper hand. I just wish people weren't so insensitive as to go looking at her Facebook and relaying it back to me. For what it's worth I know she is very unbalanced at the moment with every aspect of her life not just relationships. I think she will hit the earth with a hard thud sooner or later and I'll be free of her troubles. That is a good thought. You wanna know how you get the upper hand here? By completely cutting contact. You need to act like her leaving you after 9 years has done you the best favour in the world. GIVE HER NOTHING! Just imagine, you call or text her or her mum... You really want those two to laugh in pity at your messages?? Hell no!! Keep it up. And like i said before, now those dogs are yours. So dont even respond to her next text. She's made her bed, let her lay in it. Personally i think she is an absolute fool for doing this to you after nine years. 3
Author True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 You wanna know how you get the upper hand here? By completely cutting contact. You need to act like her leaving you after 9 years has done you the best favour in the world. GIVE HER NOTHING! Just imagine, you call or text her or her mum... You really want those two to laugh in pity at your messages?? Hell no!! Keep it up. And like i said before, now those dogs are yours. So dont even respond to her next text. She's made her bed, let her lay in it. Personally i think she is an absolute fool for doing this to you after nine years. Thanks buddy! Yeah I know, and that's totally correct. I really giving it my all to give her nothing. I'm actually intrigued how long it's going to take her to ask about taking the dogs again. I get the feeling her interest in them is going to dwindle rapidly. She is a fool, I can't wait for her to wake up and smell the coffee. Then I'll really have the upper hand.
rec88 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 For what it's worth I know she is very unbalanced at the moment with every aspect of her life not just relationships. I think she will hit the earth with a hard thud sooner or later and I'll be free of her troubles. I can relate. It was quite a while ago now but yes, they certainly do come down. Assuming infidelity/abuse/violence was not an issue, leaving someone with whom you share a deep connection for someone you are merely attracted to shows emotional instability. It doesn't matter if both you and the other guy are the two best relationship partners in the world, she will be her own barrier to realizing that. Trust me when I say there is nothing you can do to show her this, either. It is something that she will have to learn the hard way. The damage has been done and she needs time to grow. Give it to her. 3
Author True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 I can relate. It was quite a while ago now but yes, they certainly do come down. Assuming infidelity/abuse/violence was not an issue, leaving someone with whom you share a deep connection for someone you are merely attracted to shows emotional instability. It doesn't matter if both you and the other guy are the two best relationship partners in the world, she will be her own barrier to realizing that. Trust me when I say there is nothing you can do to show her this, either. It is something that she will have to learn the hard way. The damage has been done and she needs time to grow. Give it to her. Makes complete sence. I know I've got to let her get on with it. It's terrible but I kind of want to see her fall flat on her face after all of this. I feel so much anger towards her right now. For the record infidelity/abuse/violence was never ever an issue with us. We were incredibly good in so many ways. But yeah she's very unstable at this point in her life on all levels. She's setting herself up for a fall. You sound like you've been on the receiving end of this yourself?
fixing Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 All you can do, is be the bigger man here and walk away with your pride and dignity. Me, personally? I think its outrageous that she walked out on you after 9 years together to jump in bed with another man. Others will argue that 'its her life, she can do what she wants and be with whoever she wants to be with' although that may be true, it still doesnt make it any less brutal in which the manner she treated you. Now, you gotta really focus on you, and not be preoccupied with her and her new relationship. Try to enjoy the single life for a while man, life is to short in all honesty. Right now your ex is living rent free in your head! She shouldnt be there anymore, so force her from your mind. 2
rec88 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 Indeed I have. You're not wrong to feel angry. It's a human reaction to being hurt and I went through so much myself. Looking back, I wasn't angry because she wanted to pursue something else in life that wasn't me. That's her right. I was angry because someone that I trusted had abandoned me. I was angry because I felt that I had earned far better treatment than what I received. I was angry with myself because I had given so much ground to someone who wasn't deserving of it. What I've learned is that she didn't owe me anything more than what she was willing to give. But you know what else I learned? You get what you give in life. Your loyalty and willingness to give to others (in any capacity) is your strength. Don't ever lose hope in that because it will come back to you in the future. Her selfishness is her weakness, and likewise, it will come back to her in the future. I watched it happen and it's certainly cringe-worthy. It's hard to see it now, but it's better to be in your spot than in hers. Treating people that way comes back to you and guilt is a tough thing to live with. Though not in a relationship, I've been on that end too and trust me it doesn't go away, even with forgiveness. 3
Author True Gent Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 All you can do, is be the bigger man here and walk away with your pride and dignity. Me, personally? I think its outrageous that she walked out on you after 9 years together to jump in bed with another man. Others will argue that 'its her life, she can do what she wants and be with whoever she wants to be with' although that may be true, it still doesnt make it any less brutal in which the manner she treated you. Now, you gotta really focus on you, and not be preoccupied with her and her new relationship. Try to enjoy the single life for a while man, life is to short in all honesty. Right now your ex is living rent free in your head! She shouldnt be there anymore, so force her from your mind. I know mate, I know... I am really trying. I just can't shake the anger I feel at the moment. It's because of our length of time together and what she's done that gets me so annoyed. But all I can realistically do is walk away, it's hard because I need to vent somehow. I may get a punch bag or something to let some tension out on ha,ha! 2
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Ok so I'm in the early stages of my breakup. She's been moved out a few weeks and is seeing someone else. Now she left me for this person and didn't even move out and dedicate time to actually split fully. After 9 years we obviously had things to sort such as possessions, shared media stored on her computer etc... She put no time into any of this and pursued her new man. Now a few weeks later she's crossing off tasks on a to do list on a shared app between our phones which I forgot was even set up. I never used to use the app, she set it up ages ago. So I've had notifications on my phone today that she's been crossing off things such as transferring media to USB for me etc... Now at this stage I'm past caring about all of this material stuff. I've had enough, I just want nothing more to do with her. This crap should of been addressed when she was leaving. Now possibly stupidly on my behalf after receiving these notifications I added a task to the to do list on this app, which was for her to "completely stay out of my life for good". She's noticed this and has taken great offence to it and I've received 3 texts from her and I quote... Text 1 "There is no need to be so nasty. I can't get out of your life completely as we share the dogs" Text 2 "So you're just going to have to get used to being civil" Text 3 a few hours later " I would like a response from you when you finish work. That was a nasty thing to say and it's not helping anything". I've ignored all of these texts I'm trying to make it clear I want her to stay out of my life. She has left me for someone else and she can't seem to understand my reasoning for wanting nothing to do with her. We have dogs together, but honestly I don't want her in my life in any way now. She has money that she owes me and media on a USB. I don't care anymore I just want her to **** off. Why is she even bothered that I want nothing to do with her after what she's done? 1
mammasita Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with her. That little task you added was a little passive aggressive jab at her, but I think it's funny and I would have likely done something similar. If you have a way to make a clean break, then do it! Wash your hands of her and move on.....and by all means get rid of that app!
pickflicker Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Well, the petty task message wasn't necessary. If you don't want your stuff back and don't want to see the dogs, then just ignore any further attempts at communication - problem solved.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Why not just delete the app off your phone so you don't have to see her checking off tasks? 2
Author True Gent Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I'll happily delete the app, that's not an issue. The dogs are with me, the issue here is sooner or later she's going to want to see them. But why is she so obviously upset by my request to clear off? I detect some lingering feelings perhaps?
Xemyd Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I'll happily delete the app, that's not an issue. The dogs are with me, the issue here is sooner or later she's going to want to see them. But why is she so obviously upset by my request to clear off? I detect some lingering feelings perhaps? Probably the way you went about it. If my ex did that, yeah I'd be pissed too. It's immature in my eyes.
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