theothersully Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I know guys are ridiculous with this stuff. If men joined a site where tons of pretty women were messaging them for dates, they'd become really picky and judgmental on women's looks when choosing someone to date. Thier beauty standards would rise and they'd prob. start being picky on other traits too. Actually, the reverse scenario is NYC. NYC has a surplus of women, plus there are more beautiful women in that city than the average city, so many average joes in NYC play the field until they are 40 and become very judgmental and have high beauty standards for women. And I understand...when you can get a date with a different really hot woman every week, of course this will happen. Why would a guy want to settle down and get married in his 20s or 30s when he knows he can get some variety for years, and then settle down with a hot 20 something woman when he is 40ish? Ive read several blogs of average men moving to NYC and becoming players, serial users and daters because they can get so many hot women to date them. I live in Manhattan again and have been there a total of 8 years. This is absolutely true.
Author irc333 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I live in Manhattan again and have been there a total of 8 years. This is absolutely true. I live in an area that's more rural....and there is but a handful of women that are attractive that are (and STILL on POF). Of course, I have exhausted pretty much all my emails to these women , as there aren't that many. I get a kick out of the ones that are new in town, they typically moved here to be near their family and they discover "Hm, nothing but retirees and toothless rednecks here". So they jump online. You figured in these smaller, one horse towns they can't really afford to be overly picky. But I see their faces online here, everyday...some rather frustrated with their singlehood.
ponchsox Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 OLD is purely a numbers game. The more dates you go on, the bigger chance you will eventually find someone to date.
MrCastle Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I know guys are ridiculous with this stuff. If men joined a site where tons of pretty women were messaging them for dates, they'd become really picky and judgmental on women's looks when choosing someone to date. Thier beauty standards would rise and they'd prob. start being picky on other traits too. Actually, the reverse scenario is NYC. NYC has a surplus of women, plus there are more beautiful women in that city than the average city, so many average joes in NYC play the field until they are 40 and become very judgmental and have high beauty standards for women. And I understand...when you can get a date with a different really hot woman every week, of course this will happen. Why would a guy want to settle down and get married in his 20s or 30s when he knows he can get some variety for years, and then settle down with a hot 20 something woman when he is 40ish? Ive read several blogs of average men moving to NYC and becoming players, serial users and daters because they can get so many hot women to date them. Wow what part of NYC is this? Because I live in New York and haven't seen or heard anything close to this.
ponchsox Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Really attractive women who date online fall into one of three categories: 1. They are bat **** crazy 2. They have more baggage than a Lufthansa flight 3. They are so full of themselves that no man has ever stuck around long enough to deal with their BS.
Gottabestrong Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I date online. Guess that means I am not attractive. The reason I use OLD sites is because I don't meet any compatible men in real life. Maybe one a year, but that usually ends after a date or two. If I did not use Online Dating I would be perpetually single. And for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with online dating, in fact I think it is a good way to meet single people who are actively looking for a relationship and you get in contact with many more online than you would probably do if you only relied on meeting people offline. I for one am glad online dating has been invented. 2
nescafe1982 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Didn't read the whole thread, just the first page. But OP, you are making an error when you assume that people "resort to" OLD as a last-ditch thing. Online is not a last resort, only for ppl who couldn't make it work elsewhere. For many, it's an additional dimension to an already full social schedule.... a means to cast the net wider and higher than one could IRL alone. Says me, the attractive woman who used OLD to meet current spouse. 1
Author irc333 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Well,I can't say ALL people use online dating as a last resort, but the jist of my OP did prompt me to post this only because said woman ADMITTED this in her profile. That she admittedly exhausted all options of the public means of meeting single men and has resorted (yes, that's the word she used), "resorted" to electronic means because her friends have and of course, resulted in marriages. Who knows how many other women out there that are like her. Keep in mind, she said she did not date in FIVE years, have turned down men that have asked her out from the age of 30 to 35. So now she's in a panic. Didn't read the whole thread, just the first page. But OP, you are making an error when you assume that people "resort to" OLD as a last-ditch thing. Online is not a last resort, only for ppl who couldn't make it work elsewhere. For many, it's an additional dimension to an already full social schedule.... a means to cast the net wider and higher than one could IRL alone. Says me, the attractive woman who used OLD to meet current spouse.
Author irc333 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I'm sure in some cases, but I'm starting to see it as some women seeing it as the ONLY viable way to meet men, or at least close to it. I mean, if you're a single woman, that has has access to a good amount of men in real life, but for some reason church, the gym, you're social circle, out at the grocery store, other social clubs or volunteer groups, etc. those places or events that occur in REAL life....and you admit to the fact you've attempted these "public venues" to only see online dating as an option, it says a lot about that person. Let me re-itereate, this woman has refused dates from men for the past FIVE years....talk about a candidate for spinsterhood. Also, I had seen a profile of ANOTHER woman that said, "I have no problem meeting men, I have no problem getting offers for dates, but I just haven't been meeting the kind of men I want to date". She is very active in her social community, local business, so a lot of people know her when she simply walks into places. She has tons of single men around her, asking her out, but they are never good enough. End result of these kinds of women....they'd rather stay at home, butts glued to the computer signed into POF or Match.com or wherever than to be out on a date with some nice fellow that met at their church singles group. Didn't read the whole thread, just the first page. But OP, you are making an error when you assume that people "resort to" OLD as a last-ditch thing. Online is not a last resort, only for ppl who couldn't make it work elsewhere. For many, it's an additional dimension to an already full social schedule.... a means to cast the net wider and higher than one could IRL alone. Says me, the attractive woman who used OLD to meet current spouse.
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Let me re-itereate, this woman has refused dates from men for the past FIVE years....talk about a candidate for spinsterhood. Well, I don't think anyone should be forced to date men she does not want to date. There is no law which forbids a woman to refuse dates. If it is very clear that a man would not make a good partner, why would you have to date him? 2
PinkInTheLimo Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 I date online. Guess that means I am not attractive. The reason I use OLD sites is because I don't meet any compatible men in real life. Maybe one a year, but that usually ends after a date or two. If I did not use Online Dating I would be perpetually single. And for the record, I don't think there is anything wrong with online dating, in fact I think it is a good way to meet single people who are actively looking for a relationship and you get in contact with many more online than you would probably do if you only relied on meeting people offline. I for one am glad online dating has been invented. Same here. I don't meet any compatible men in real life. Maybe once in a decade and it does not mean that this particular man is interested in me. I am not OLD for the moment because I have started studying for a second university degree apart from a fulltime job so right now my schedule is simply too full. For the record, I would not have started these studies had things worked out with my last partner because I would then simply have enjoyed life with two. It did not happen like that so I decided to do something constructive. I plan to OLD again in the future but I know it will take a lot of courage and perseverance. 3
Onethirtyeight Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Really attractive women who date online fall into one of three categories: 1. They are bat **** crazy 2. They have more baggage than a Lufthansa flight 3. They are so full of themselves that no man has ever stuck around long enough to deal with their BS. You forgot to add that they are incredibly picky, but then that affects everyone across the board.
nescafe1982 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 (edited) I mean, if you're a single woman, that has has access to a good amount of men in real life, but for some reason church, the gym, you're social circle, out at the grocery store, other social clubs or volunteer groups, etc. those places or events that occur in REAL life....and you admit to the fact you've attempted these "public venues" to only see online dating as an option, it says a lot about that person. I'm not sure it does say as much about a person right-off-the-bat as you think. Each of those venues presents a limited number of men (and, um, what woman goes to the GYM to meet guys? I'm not sure I've ever seen a successful courtship start at the gym, and I go regularly). I also don't know a single woman who has said she used OLD as her *only* venue. That would be silly... if a woman who is OLD'ing and a man she likes asks her out IRL, of course she wouldn't decline. OLD is an addendum. A couple anecdotal ideas you gathered from reading a few limited OLD profiles (all of which may or may not be subject to projection bias) cannot confirm such a sweeping conclusion. But if you'd like another anecdote: I went OLD because I was in a busy graduate program that was intellectually rewarding but took up a lot of my free time. I don't date "in the office," and even if I'd sought to, most of the dudes in my program were married. So I would go out to meet people in various ways... but OLD was great for me because I got to meet educated men (education is very important to me) right off the bat, see their "stats," and go on better first dates. Of course, I went on a lot of not-so-fantastic first dates, too... but the connections I made through OLD were more consistently quality ones than those made IRL. The screening process was a huge part of that. Also, I wouldn't have met my SO without OkCupid. I was in one grad program in the Humanities; he was in another in Engineering across the river from me... there is no way our paths would have crossed without OLD. Edited January 1, 2014 by nescafe1982 1
Author irc333 Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 This makes me wonder, how do you think, prior to the existence of the internet, people met up , dated, and got married? In an age where people didn't have access but to only the people in their own community, people actually had to get out of the house to meet other singles. Of course, there was a limited amount of men and women to choose from, so people coupled up based on those limits. Throw in the Internet, then you have an endless supply of , "The grass is always greener". I'm not sure it does say as much about a person right-off-the-bat as you think. Each of those venues presents a limited number of men (and, um, what woman goes to the GYM to meet guys? I'm not sure I've ever seen a successful courtship start at the gym, and I go regularly). I also don't know a single woman who has said she used OLD as her *only* venue. That would be silly... if a woman who is OLD'ing and a man she likes asks her out IRL, of course she wouldn't decline. OLD is an addendum. A couple anecdotal ideas you gathered from reading a few limited OLD profiles (all of which may or may not be subject to projection bias) cannot confirm such a sweeping conclusion. But if you'd like another anecdote: I went OLD because I was in a busy graduate program that was intellectually rewarding but took up a lot of my free time. I don't date "in the office," and even if I'd sought to, most of the dudes in my program were married. So I would go out to meet people in various ways... but OLD was great for me because I got to meet educated men (education is very important to me) right off the bat, see their "stats," and go on better first dates. Of course, I went on a lot of not-so-fantastic first dates, too... but the connections I made through OLD were more consistently quality ones than those made IRL. The screening process was a huge part of that. Also, I wouldn't have met my SO without OkCupid. I was in one grad program in the Humanities; he was in another in Engineering across the river from me... there is no way our paths would have crossed without OLD.
tbf Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 When I was single, I was incredibly picky with a four foot list of what a guy needed to be, before considering a first date. Even being this picky, had no problems with finding men who met the criteria in real life. Based on what's been observed of female online daters, they love the attention of having so many messages. Quite often, they're one or two notches below beautiful so they lap up the extra attention since it's not what they experience in real life. Unfortunately, they become addicted to the attention and have a difficult time breaking free from it.
mario_C Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 I know guys are ridiculous with this stuff. If men joined a site where tons of pretty women were messaging them for dates, they'd become really picky and judgmental on women's looks when choosing someone to date. Thier beauty standards would rise and they'd prob. start being picky on other traits too. Supply and demand! Actually, the reverse scenario is NYC. NYC has a surplus of women, plus there are more beautiful women in that city than the average city, so many average joes in NYC play the field until they are 40 and become very judgmental and have high beauty standards for women. And I understand...when you can get a date with a different really hot woman every week, of course this will happen. Why would a guy want to settle down and get married in his 20s or 30s when he knows he can get some variety for years, and then settle down with a hot 20 something woman when he is 40ish? Ive read several blogs of average men moving to NYC and becoming players, serial users and daters because they can get so many hot women to date them. That is just the culture of modern NYC. It is a horrible place to want to settle down. I grew up there and I hate what Bloomberg turned it into. Women move there often to live like Sex and the City so it goes both ways. There's your answer. Move out of the sticks. I'm sure most other big cities are the same. City life is about not settling, in your personal life, career, creativity, anything. It's why we have cities.
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