When attractive women have to resort to online dating

[irc333]

Recently, I've come across a couple of women I have met in real life...some from the Meetup sites...on dating sites (POF or OK Cupid)

 

One in particular , who is a major socialite to begin with...put a discalimer in her profile stating, "I have no problem getting men to ask me out or approach me, so my opportunities to date are out there, it's just that I'm very picky and the kind of men who approach me aren't the types I would date."

 

Since she's well known in the public, she says, "If you already know me, there's no need to say 'Hello' to me here". (Kind of a snobbish comment, but yeah...) I get a kick out of women like this.

 

It's kind of funny how people who kind of "had it up to here" with online dating only to give more of the "real world" a shot, when women int he REAL world are much preferring online dating , because the men in REAL life aren't good enough for them apparently?

 

So what's it say about a person who has countless men approaching them, asking them out , etc, who still has to resort to online dating to meet men?

[Philosoraptor]

It says she either enjoys the attention or is being honest about being very picky and she's not getting approached by the men she is interested in, in person.

[salparadise]

Well, what it really means is that she's an optimizer... will never be happy as long as the possibility of a better deal exists, and of course that possibility always exists. Women like this base their self worth on the delusion that the perfect man exists somewhere, that he will instantly recognize her as the woman of his dreams, and that the glass slipper will magically fit.

 

She's probably happier maintaining the delusion than she could ever be with a man. Fortunately, such women tend to wear their delusions on their sleeves.

[GoreSP]

1- what makes her think she won't have the same problem with OLD (receiving msgs from men who are not her type)

2- why doesn't she approach men who are her type in real life?

[mammasita]

Disclaimers are so pretentious......

 

Did you date this woman?

[Mrlonelyone]

Perhaps such women really are just picky and looking for what has been called the BBD. The bigger better deal.

 

 

It can also be that those women are the female version of players. Many very attractive women can have many reasonably to very attractive men at any time. They won't be totally honest about it, but that is a real possibility.

 

 

I'll bet that any attractive woman has at least one or two FB's or FWB's that they have at least occasional sex with while they are "single" and before they are official with a given man.

 

 

Disclaimers are so pretentious......

 

Did you date this woman?

 

 

Perhaps but even I have one. As a bisexual person I have to make it clear I'm not looking to be a third purely sexual partner in a relationship between married people. Lots of them like to spring that on us. In short, they are a time saver.

[Imported]

So what's it say about a person who has countless men approaching them, asking them out , etc, who still has to resort to online dating to meet men?

 

It says that the countless men that approach them are not the ones they have any interest in.

 

This is understandable. Having a hundred women approach me would be much less than steller if all 100 are women I have zero physical....AND intellectual attraction to. In fact, it would be a burden. Online dating for her probably takes that burden away or at least minimizes to be more easily managed. Don't like a guy online, ignore him. Simple.

 

It's good to be a man. Most chicks I have no attraction to don't even try. They (some) just rationalize whatever negativity on me to make themselves feel better and go on about their way. Most of the ones that look like they are trying, I just give my not-interested look/behaviour and they back off. Life is good. I mostly only have to deal with women I actually am attracted to.

 

Women? I see it all the time. Some dude that has no chance with X girl and hounds her anyway and then gets pissed when they are rebuked. That must suck. For the girl.

Edited December 30, 2013 by Imported

[Onethirtyeight]

I've decided that online dating attracts picky women. I've also seen that women in real life are less demanding.

 

To give you an example: I'm a decent looking guy and I have a lot of characteristics most women like. I'm not some male model billionaire but I've dated the nice and attractive women that can be picky and have a lot of options. I tied OLD and couldn't get anyone close to what I could get in real life. Then when I made a fake profile with a male model as the picture and made him a 6'2" tall wealthy young investor. With him I was only able to get interest from the kinds of women I get in real life with about the same success rate. I frankly can't imagine there is a guy more universally appealing than that so I don't know what the women that weren't interested in him are doing on there.

 

That made me realize OLD is a waste of time because it does a great job at collecting women that are pickier than most women "in the same league" are in real life. So I don't think its full of desperate women, or there are many women who are sick of real life dating, there just a lot of delusional women are on there.

[kodakgirl]

Of course I don't know the reasons for the particular woman you mention, but I definitely agree these are important factors:

 

I have been told by many that I am attractive and I did online dating for awhile for these reasons

 

• At the time I had a job where I sometimes worked weekends and nights.
  
• I have never been into meeting men at bars, clubs
  
• I don’t date co workers
  
• Most of my friends are married or have boyfriends
  
• I am introverted and don’t go out as much as I should
  
• I like being able to sort men out based on certain characteristics without having to invest time/energy. On sites you can search for those who want relationships instead of hookups (of course a lot of guys lie about this but hypothetically), don’t smoke, don’t have kids, have a college degree, etc. I loved OKCupid because many men answered the questions honestly and you could spot obvious dealbreakers. The men I met on that site that answered their questions in a way that showed they weren’t looking for sex right away, weren’t obsessed with physical beauty like a teenage boy, usually turned out to be that way.
  

 

Also, again, though it doesn't seem to be the case with the woman you mention, being attractive doesn't necessarily equal being approached, doesn't equal being approached by the types who interest you, and certainly doesn't guarantee even coming across the types who interest you, especially when some of the above factors are present.

 

For me, too, though I've never loved OLD, I really like the chance it gives to come across people I am unlikely to meet in my everyday life. My ideal partner shares my values and priorities, but has a lot of different interests--which is, of course, a barrier to meeting in the first place! I'm doing a masters in an arts field and very much into art and history stuff; the most recent guy I met online, who I adored, was very outdoorsy and doing a phd in a science field at the other university in town. I am rather introverted and he was quite extroverted. I really don't know how we would have met otherwise, but we were a really good match (it didn't work out for other reasons). You can definitely randomly meet people like that in real life (my ex was similar in having different passions, and we met randomly), but going online definitely increases the chances.

 

(oh and like foofoobunny, I am considered pretty attractive... though I don't get the attention online that most other women seem to (I get tons of views and high ratings but few messages, even with a good profile....))

Edited December 30, 2013 by kodakgirl

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I've decided that online dating attracts picky women. I've also seen that women in real life are less demanding.

 

Online dating doesn't "attract" picky women, it "creates" them. Instead of creating a fake profile of a man that YOU thought would be ideal to most women, you should've created a fake profile of what you would consider an "average" woman. Then you would have gotten a firmer grasp of what you were dealing with. On sites like POF, the ratio is 10-1 for men to women, and a halfway decent looking woman can get up to 50 messages a day. When you have that many men messaging you, why wouldn't you hope to find the BEST match for you? This kind of ratio makes women think they can afford to be picky and that perhaps their "dream" guy will come along.

 

Then when I made a fake profile with a male model as the picture and made him a 6'2" tall wealthy young investor. With him I was only able to get interest from the kinds of women I get in real life with about the same success rate. I frankly can't imagine there is a guy more universally appealing than that so I don't know what the women that weren't interested in him are doing on there.

 

^^^And this is where you made your mistake. Women are not stupid. If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. Ever used google image search? Do you know how easy it is to copy that image and upload it to the site and find where the pic originated from? Why would you think this man would be universally appealing?

 

So I don't think its full of desperate women, or there are many women who are sick of real life dating, there just a lot of delusional women are on there.

 

These women are not delusional, they are hopeful. Hopeful that they'll come across that one man that creates all the sparks and fireworks that they see in the movies. And since each woman has their own preference of what they find attractive or appealing, sifting through hundreds of messages and profiles often causes them to get lost in the process.

 

I found my guy on one of these sites. He is not wealthy, though he has a good career, he drives a lower end model car, he is not athletically built, and he does not have a lot of material possessions. He's just a normal, average everyday joe that appealed to me because he was genuine, real, kind, and has his priorities together. That's what I was looking for, but I also didn't let myself get caught up in all the messages and compliments. I knew what I wanted.

 

Online dating isn't for everyone, but if you're going to do it, then you have to have realistic expectations, and trust me, this concept is not just lost on the women's side either.

[Woggle]

People have the right to their standards but if a woman worded her profile that way it would be a turnoff.

[Woggle]

I know guys are ridiculous with this stuff. If men joined a site where tons of pretty women were messaging them for dates, they'd become really picky and judgmental on women's looks when choosing someone to date. Thier beauty standards would rise and they'd prob. start being picky on other traits too.

 

Actually, the reverse scenario is NYC. NYC has a surplus of women, plus there are more beautiful women in that city than the average city, so many average joes in NYC play the field until they are 40 and become very judgmental and have high beauty standards for women. And I understand...when you can get a date with a different really hot woman every week, of course this will happen. Why would a guy want to settle down and get married in his 20s or 30s when he knows he can get some variety for years, and then settle down with a hot 20 something woman when he is 40ish?

 

Ive read several blogs of average men moving to NYC and becoming players, serial users and daters because they can get so many hot women to date them.

That is just the culture of modern NYC. It is a horrible place to want to settle down. I grew up there and I hate what Bloomberg turned it into. Women move there often to live like Sex and the City so it goes both ways.

[regine_phalange]

I have no idea.

I can never see my self trying online dating, I feel it's like a set up or a matching service.. Which I hate. But I guess it's a stupid romance preference of mine, so don't pay attention to me.

[Cinnimon]

I decided to go the OLD route because it forces the men to engage in a conversation with me instead of them just looking at the package and saying yup she's for me. Sounds silly but it happens a lot. I am an physically attractive woman, I take care of my body, my looks, I do this because it makes me feel good about myself and healthy for that matter. Men tend to view this at times as some sort of advertisement. They look at the pretty package and could care less what's inside. I'm more than my outside, I don't want to engage with someone who doesn't want to get to know ALL aspects of me. Does that make sense?

[Onethirtyeight]

Online dating doesn't "attract" picky women, it "creates" them. Instead of creating a fake profile of a man that YOU thought would be ideal to most women, you should've created a fake profile of what you would consider an "average" woman. Then you would have gotten a firmer grasp of what you were dealing with. On sites like POF, the ratio is 10-1 for men to women, and a halfway decent looking woman can get up to 50 messages a day. When you have that many men messaging you, why wouldn't you hope to find the BEST match for you? This kind of ratio makes women think they can afford to be picky and that perhaps their "dream" guy will come along.

 

^^^And this is where you made your mistake. Women are not stupid. If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. Ever used google image search? Do you know how easy it is to copy that image and upload it to the site and find where the pic originated from? Why would you think this man would be universally appealing?

 

These women are not delusional, they are hopeful. Hopeful that they'll come across that one man that creates all the sparks and fireworks that they see in the movies. And since each woman has their own preference of what they find attractive or appealing, sifting through hundreds of messages and profiles often causes them to get lost in the process.

 

I found my guy on one of these sites. He is not wealthy, though he has a good career, he drives a lower end model car, he is not athletically built, and he does not have a lot of material possessions. He's just a normal, average everyday joe that appealed to me because he was genuine, real, kind, and has his priorities together. That's what I was looking for, but I also didn't let myself get caught up in all the messages and compliments. I knew what I wanted.

 

Online dating isn't for everyone, but if you're going to do it, then you have to have realistic expectations, and trust me, this concept is not just lost on the women's side either.

 

Well here is exactly what I did if you want the whole story.

 

I made 6 profiles

1. Mine- have fat/desperate women all over it/me but have next to no luck with the chicks I'd normally get.

2. Model bro- Had women interested in him but didn't get a very good response rate when he initiated. This guy is was the definition of what girls want, I even had my sister and a female friend look at it.

3. Hot chick- Got tons of messages but most of them were terrible and came from everyone. I see why people say a good message helps.

4. Average chick- She got fewer but better messages from maybe 15-20 dudes a day

5. Ugly chick- got really sexual and desperate messages

6. Chick with no picture did as well as the ugly chick

 

So it looks like pretty much everyone only wants the best on those sites (excluding the guys that will just hook up with everyone) because its easy to just fire off a message to someone that you normally wouldn't have a chance with. Which is just silly. I don't know why anyone would waste their time that way. Maybe people become more reasonable when they're older.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Well here is exactly what I did if you want the whole story.

 

I made 6 profiles

1. Mine- have fat/desperate women all over it/me but have next to no luck with the chicks I'd normally get.

2. Model bro- Had women interested in him but didn't get a very good response rate when he initiated. This guy is was the definition of what girls want, I even had my sister and a female friend look at it.

3. Hot chick- Got tons of messages but most of them were terrible and came from everyone. I see why people say a good message helps.

4. Average chick- She got fewer but better messages from maybe 15-20 dudes a day

5. Ugly chick- got really sexual and desperate messages

6. Chick with no picture did as well as the ugly chick

 

So it looks like pretty much everyone only wants the best on those sites (excluding the guys that will just hook up with everyone) because its easy to just fire off a message to someone that you normally wouldn't have a chance with. Which is just silly. I don't know why anyone would waste their time that way. Maybe people become more reasonable when they're older.

 

Without seeing your profile, I could not tell you why you were not getting desirable results. I participated in the "profile review" forum section of POF quite a bit, and time after time there were guys who did not understand why they weren't getting responses to their profiles. I would even get guys that would pm me asking me to give them a private review because they didn't want to be ripped apart by forum members. Simple suggested tweaks and changes and they would come back and say they had dates lined up. There ARE plenty of less shallow women out there, but a lot of men just can't see the triggers in their profiles that may evoke a negative reaction or give the wrong impression until someone points it out to them. You sound like someone that could do well on one of these sites, but I don't know how you marketed yourself. Sorry it did not go well for you.

[irc333]

I used to think that women would probably not turn down the the same guy they met online as they had met in person.

 

Only because it allows the gentleman to "prove" himself (as bad as that sounds, lol) to her. It gives him an opportunity to express his mannerisms, body language, voice tones, etc.

 

I knew of a guy, that had emailed a woman in his town, of course, like so many men, hadn't gotten a reply from her.

 

Then later he met her at some kind of public event...he recognized her, but approached her as if he never before met her in his life.

 

He scored her #, they went out a few times and only THEN he revealed he had emailed her online and she was like "Oh my, had I known that was you, I would nto have ignored you!" LOL

[normal person]

I've found that attractive women usually use OLD for the same reasons (I imagine) a lot of attractive men do: They work a lot, it's an an efficient search tool, etc.

 

Also with women, it gives them more of the locus of control over the situation. They can choose not to respond to someone or message someone themselves and it's not as much of an uncomfortable situation as it would be in person.

 

I've found in NYC most women regardless of looks do it because they're sick of the guys they meet in the bar scene and are looking for something more serious.

[Onethirtyeight]

Without seeing your profile, I could not tell you why you were not getting desirable results. I participated in the "profile review" forum section of POF quite a bit, and time after time there were guys who did not understand why they weren't getting responses to their profiles. I would even get guys that would pm me asking me to give them a private review because they didn't want to be ripped apart by forum members. Simple suggested tweaks and changes and they would come back and say they had dates lined up. There ARE plenty of less shallow women out there, but a lot of men just can't see the triggers in their profiles that may evoke a negative reaction or give the wrong impression until someone points it out to them. You sound like someone that could do well on one of these sites, but I don't know how you marketed yourself. Sorry it did not go well for you.

 

It could be that my profile wasn't the best. I did keep it pretty simple because I really would much rather talk to someone and tell them about myself as I learn about them. I pretty much just had the major stuff on there that would make or break a relationship. I did get attention on there, but it was mostly from women I just wasn't interested in.

[Mrlonelyone]

I decided to go the OLD route because it forces the men to engage in a conversation with me instead of them just looking at the package and saying yup she's for me. Sounds silly but it happens a lot. I am an physically attractive woman, I take care of my body, my looks, I do this because it makes me feel good about myself and healthy for that matter. Men tend to view this at times as some sort of advertisement. They look at the pretty package and could care less what's inside. I'm more than my outside, I don't want to engage with someone who doesn't want to get to know ALL aspects of me. Does that make sense?

 

 

The thing is on a subconcious level it is an advertisement. It advertises that you have good DNA and have had good nutrition as you grew. It advertises that you will produce healthy offspring.

 

 

Men don't look and think that, they just know their turned on. The same as women being turned on by certain traits in men. It is wired into us by millions of years of evolution.

[crederer]

Well, what it really means is that she's an optimizer... will never be happy as long as the possibility of a better deal exists, and of course that possibility always exists. Women like this base their self worth on the delusion that the perfect man exists somewhere, that he will instantly recognize her as the woman of his dreams, and that the glass slipper will magically fit.

 

She's probably happier maintaining the delusion than she could ever be with a man. Fortunately, such women tend to wear their delusions on their sleeves.

 

 

I have to agree with this. She'll probably never find a person up to her standards until her looks start to fade and she gets approached by fewer men and then will "settle".

[irc333]

Also with women, it gives them more of the locus of control over the situation. They can choose not to respond to someone or message someone themselves and it's not as much of an uncomfortable situation as it would be in person.

 

And...I think this is part of the problem...with the big picture, socially. I mean, back prior to the internet, what did single women wind up doing as as a result of encountering numerous men approaching them?

 

They chose to date and probably marry what was the best for them at that time.

 

Now, with technology, it has further weakened us and kept us at a more impersonal stance than ever.

 

There's book out called "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community" , very interesting publication.

 

"If you don't go to somebody's funeral, they won't come to yours," Yogi Berra once said, neatly articulating the value of social networks.

 

In this alarming and important study, Putnam, a professor of sociology at Harvard, charts the grievous deterioration over the past two generations of the organized ways in which people relate to one another and partake in civil life in the U.S.

 

For example, in 1960, 62.8% of Americans of voting age participated in the presidential election, whereas by 1996, the percentage had slipped to 48.9%.

 

While most Americans still claim a serious "religious commitment," church attendance is down roughly 25%-50% from the 1950s, and the number of Americans who attended public meetings of any kind dropped 40% between 1973 and 1994. Even the once stable norm of community life has shifted: one in five Americans moves once a year, while two in five expect to move in five years.

 

Putnam claims that this has created a U.S. population that is increasingly isolated and less empathetic toward its fellow citizens, that is often angrier and less willing to unite in communities or as a nation.

 

Marshaling a plentiful array of facts, figures, charts and survey results, Putnam delivers his message with verve and clarity. He concludes his analysis with a concise set of potential solutions, such as educational programs, work-based initiatives and funded community-service programs, offering a ray of hope in what he perceives to be a dire situation. Agent, Rafe Sagalyn. 3-city tour; 20-city radio satellite tour. (June)

 

Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

It could be that my profile wasn't the best. I did keep it pretty simple because I really would much rather talk to someone and tell them about myself as I learn about them. I pretty much just had the major stuff on there that would make or break a relationship. I did get attention on there, but it was mostly from women I just wasn't interested in.

 

What you portray in your profile is all we have to go on initially. First and foremost are the photos, of course. A warm smile is what gets me every time. A guy posing shirtless in front of a dirty mirror with his cell phone? Nah, I'll pass. I don't care how great his abs are. It's an immediate turn off.

 

It's harder to stumble across a great profile on POF. I think the format on OKC gives you much more to work with as far as compatibility. I've read some absolutely genius profiles on there. Men that just blew me away with their written word displaying intelligence, wit, creativity and humor. These are the things that attract me and make me want to message a man, but every woman is different.

 

People fall in love with what they see and read. I had men message me without ever having spoken to me and tell me that I was exactly what they were looking for their whole lives, just based on my pictures and my written summary. Lol. It was amusing, but that's the world we live in. People see what they want to see.

[irc333]

This is a coincidence....a rather Godly woman, who spent the past 5 years turning down dates altogether.

 

She rationalizes how by choice she's avoided dating men for the past 5 years (from 30 to 35 years of age), only because she doesn't want to wind up being a divorce statistic pretty much.

 

She claims she hasn't met her future husband at any of the places she goes to on a regular basis (church, social events, grocery stores, gym, etc)...and she specifically expressed that a DATING site is her LAST choice because she's had 2 very good friends say they found their future husbands online...and that by the online method that "God could bring him to her by such means".

 

Man, talk about brain washed and delluded. I mean, don't get me wrong...I wish her all the best and I apprecieate her reverence.

 

But FIVE YEARS of turning down ANY dating opportunities? Why would she do that to herself?? *head shaking*

 

(I'll be in my bunk).

 

 

I have been single the past 5 yrs...because I have chosen to NOT date. I have turned people and dates down in those 5 yrs. I'd rather be single and happy then to settle for less and be in a miserable relationship that isn't God's will. And I definitely DON'T want to settle and eventually get divorced! I've been praying and waiting on the Lord for HIM to lead me to my husband/soul mate! I've never been married or had kids and this is my deepest heart's desires!!! I feel that I've waited a long time and haven't met my husband any of the places I go on a regular basis (church, gym, social events, grocery store, etc). Going on a dating website is my last choice and I never really wanted to join one, but because 2 of my very good friends met their husbands on dating websites and they have encouraged me to do this, then that's why I'm here and figured maybe this could be a good way God can bring me to my future husband!

[MissBee]

Recently, I've come across a couple of women I have met in real life...some from the Meetup sites...on dating sites (POF or OK Cupid)

 

One in particular , who is a major socialite to begin with...put a discalimer in her profile stating, "I have no problem getting men to ask me out or approach me, so my opportunities to date are out there, it's just that I'm very picky and the kind of men who approach me aren't the types I would date."

 

Since she's well known in the public, she says, "If you already know me, there's no need to say 'Hello' to me here". (Kind of a snobbish comment, but yeah...) I get a kick out of women like this.

 

It's kind of funny how people who kind of "had it up to here" with online dating only to give more of the "real world" a shot, when women int he REAL world are much preferring online dating , because the men in REAL life aren't good enough for them apparently?

 

So what's it say about a person who has countless men approaching them, asking them out , etc, who still has to resort to online dating to meet men?

 

With online dating you can screen people a lot easier than when random men approach you in the streets. As this woman said, not because she gets approached a lot means that the men who do the approaching are those she is interested in.Online gives you a bit more control in terms of the filters and you choosing certain criteria beforehand whereas in real life you cannot filter who approaches you. That's the leg up online has.

 

However, this woman saying all that she said on her profile is quite obnoxious. But for me, for example, I think 9/10 guys who approach me out and about I would not date. So if I online dated it would be for the reason most people do...to narrow your picks and choose people based on filters you control to an extent.