ravssss Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 i was in a similar situation ... after one day of silence i lost patience and tried to speak to her desperately .. she dint pick up and ofcourse the whole week i did that she dint care and when i stopped doing that after one week she contacted and offered friendship ... i was done there ... i wish i had jst kept silent and dint care ... my advice wud be to not reply to this ... either he'll get back to u after a few days or he wud have found someone ... but if u initiate contact from here u r jumping there to sadness ... jst dont respond and if he comes back after a month of so jst dont respond unless he calls u and dont get back unless he earns it ... because he has done it once ...is capable of doing it again .. trust me if u dont respond he'll be curious and ull move on and be stronger as well in the process ..
Debanked Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah, this is a breakup letter for sure. He should have had the courage to tell you this stuff face to face. But sounds like you are beautiful and smart and he is wishy-washy. His loss! 1
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 It's hard to accept but if he really sees you as a plan B or something he is scared to lose, then it's pretty much over. You have to give him the space and break up with him. He needs to find for himself what he wants and stop screwing you around. Yea.. I think this is probably the bottom line. It's horrible to feel like a plan B and to be insecure all the time, hence my change in behaviour towards him. I do feel like I should at least communicate this to him at some point, but for now I've deleted his number so as not to be tempted to contact him. The false hope... always a tough one to deal with. I have a feeling that the next couple of days/months are going to be rough.. not exactly the new years I was hoping for i was in a similar situation ... after one day of silence i lost patience and tried to speak to her desperately .. she dint pick up and ofcourse the whole week i did that she dint care and when i stopped doing that after one week she contacted and offered friendship ... i was done there ... Sorry to hear about your situation ravssss. Seems the major consensus is no contact. Yeah, this is a breakup letter for sure. He should have had the courage to tell you this stuff face to face. But sounds like you are beautiful and smart and he is wishy-washy. His loss! Thanks Debanked, for the kind words.. you're right, he is wishy-washy!
CarrieT Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It's horrible to feel like a plan B and to be insecure all the time, hence my change in behaviour towards him. I do feel like I should at least communicate this to him at some point I honestly don't think that communicating this will make any difference whatsoever. Had it been a healthy, communicative relationship from the get-go, you would have never felt insecure and you two would have been able to communicate openly and honestly without it getting to this point. By trying to explain your insecurities to him, he will still see you as weak and that much more undesirable in the long run. Sorry to be so blunt. If there were potential to fix the relationship, he wouldn't be putting you in this position and making you wait to communicate. If you really do want him back, the best thing you can do is go 100% No Contact which makes HIM come back and want to be the one to communicate.
MrMeh Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Agree with Carrie. Seems you two were incompatible to begin with. Being honest and communicating with each should be sowed at the beginning of the relationship to avoid these problems or to at least minimize them. I think the best you can do is see if he comes back to you with a revelation after NC. Good luck. 1
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Had it been a healthy, communicative relationship from the get-go, you would have never felt insecure and you two would have been able to communicate openly and honestly without it getting to this point. Yip, agreed. The whole thing wasn't healthy. I have some work to do with regards to expressing myself much earlier on in relationships.. and having the courage to walk away sooner if my needs are not being met. Sorry to be so blunt. If there were potential to fix the relationship, he wouldn't be putting you in this position and making you wait to communicate. It's okay, your bluntness is appreciated, and needed, at this point..
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 k10k, reading the email your ex wrote brought back a lot of memories from my break up. My ex and I were becoming distant and fighting horribly about a month before the break up. I wasn't happy in the relationship but I still loved him and couldn't walk away. I felt stuck. I felt like I had to try everything and anything before calling it quits even if it meant getting hurt over and over again. Odd concept but that's how I felt at the time. Your ex writes like my ex would speak. He sounds respectful and is honestly and respectfully letting you know the relationship isn't working and that he doesn't want to drag it on any longer. After my ex BU with me I was crushed. I was angry, sad and hurt blaming him and the fact that he given up on us. I was willing to make an effort but he was not. Now, 5 months later, I am thankful that he had the balls to break up. I've accepted that he wasn't/isn't the right man for me and though I am far from moving on from him, I am doing really really well. I am no longer anxious, hurt, riding the emotional roller coaster I was on while in the relationship and have faith that there is someone out there far better suited for me. Once you move past the grieving stage (and it will hurt like nothing else) you will begin to see the relationship with a new prospective. You will learn from your mistakes and be better for the next one that comes around. For now, I would accept this letter as a break up and go NC. If talking to him gives you closure then do it. In my case, my ex did me a huge favor by breaking up with me. (BIG HUGS) Stay strong. 1
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you seekingpeaceinlove.. your post hit an emotional chord with me, especially this part: I am no longer anxious, hurt, riding the emotional roller coaster I was on while in the relationship and have faith that there is someone out there far better suited for me. I'm glad you're doing well now, and on the path to a better relationship! This is starting to hurt like hell, but I know I can get through it, and also look back one day and see it as a blessing in disguise.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 k10k, you're one step ahead already bc of your positive mindset. Know that you are not alone and we're all here to help. The first night of break up I bawled on the phone with my best friend for hours. There was nothing anyone could say or do to ease the pain. The idea that I would no longer have this person, that I loved and shared so much of myself, in my life was inconceivable. The next few weeks I was like a zombie trying to process the break up. Though I thought about breaking up with him so many times I still couldn't believe that it had actually happened. Surround yourself with family and friends and take it day by day. What you're feeling is normal. Allow yourself to feel the pain and grieve. It will feel unnatural and wrong to not have contact with him, but understand the feelings are normal as you are now in the process of trying to detach. Just like your ex, my ex often did not think of my needs. I tried to remember this during the weakest moments. Ask yourself: Is this the kind of man you would want as a partner for the rest of your life? You will definitely get through this though it will take time. Be selfish and focus only on yourself. Put yourself first. In time, you will build yourself back up again and be stronger for it.
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Thanks for the comfort seekingpeaceinlove..
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 There was a lot of "I"s in that letter.. Yea.. indicative of the relationship...
legion113 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I don't know, anyone who breaks up with a letter is a wimp in my opinion, and a coward. He's telling you he loves you and doesn't want to be with you at the same time. " i am surrounded by women who would do anything to be my lover and yet none of them even come close" If that were true he wouldn't have to say it....
Author k10k Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I don't know, anyone who breaks up with a letter is a wimp in my opinion, and a coward. Yes, that's what i'm thinking he is right now. " i am surrounded by women who would do anything to be my lover and yet none of them even come close" If that were true he wouldn't have to say it.... Well.. he does get a rediculous amount of attention from women, there are two at the moment, and I witnessed this just the other day at a party where a women was throwing herself at him. He tells them he isn't interested in anything intimate, but the problem is that he stays in touch with them (I think he enjoys the attention) .. this only contributes to my insecurity. He is always on freakin' whatsapp, which is lame in my opinion.. we are not young teenagers. Ah well, I guess I won't have to worry about all these women anymore at least! 1
cavalier99 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 In 6 months or so youll be grateful for the BU. Im super happy my ex broke up with me. I even tell her now what a good decision it was for both of us. Best thing ever. We all need a good BU every once in a while. Its really a great experience in retropect. So happy i went thru it and came out the other side. New girl friend is awesome. Id have never met her if i was clinging to the dying relationship with the ex. Cav
legion113 Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Yes, that's what i'm thinking he is right now. Well.. he does get a rediculous amount of attention from women, there are two at the moment, and I witnessed this just the other day at a party where a women was throwing herself at him. He tells them he isn't interested in anything intimate, but the problem is that he stays in touch with them (I think he enjoys the attention) .. this only contributes to my insecurity. He is always on freakin' whatsapp, which is lame in my opinion.. we are not young teenagers. Ah well, I guess I won't have to worry about all these women anymore at least! He may get the attention at first, but when they find out he's a wimp and a coward...heh
Author k10k Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 We all need a good BU every once in a while. Its really a great experience in retropect. So happy i went thru it and came out the other side. New girl friend is awesome. Id have never met her if i was clinging to the dying relationship with the ex. Cav Thanks Cav, glad it's all worked out so great for ya. I'll try to stay focused on the positive! He may get the attention at first, but when they find out he's a wimp and a coward...heh Heh.. yea, not my problem now. I think I put myself through this unhealthy dynamic for way too long.
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