IAmRobot Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 This has been troubling me for quite a bit now. First a bit of background knowledge. My gf is a bit needy... always wanted all my attention for herself. She lacks a bit of social life and tries to spend every bit of time she has with me. Gradually Ive been adapting to this which has made me expect more attention from her, etc. So I was away for 10 days to visit my parents and when I get back I talk to my gf who can barely wait to see me and tells me she missed me like crazy, bla bla bla. Now I got bothered by a bunch of things during a night that I was absent that I am going to list here. Tell me if Im crazy and keep in mind that we are a very closed couple. I can do and have done independent relationships where each of the partner does whatever they want but this is not what my gf wanted. 1. She's a ballroom dancer. We had agreed since the beginning of our R that she would not dance X dance with any other guy as we both felt it was too intimate. She said she had danced that a bit with this guy (the promoter of the club she had gone to who is like 50, we're in our late 20s) She said she did but she kept her distance bla bla bla. She said she's also sorry but to me it felt pretty careless. 2. She was wearing a see through shirt and Im seeing pictures on facebook of her bra everywhere. Honestly I find that pretty unattractive. She's the sole one in her group of friends to do this. On top of all this, she's becoming close friends with a few of my close female friends. While I pushed for this at first (seeing her lack of social life), it's making me concerned that I will not have too much of a private social life and that in the eventuality of a split my social life would be impacted.
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Obsessed? No. Overbearing?Yes. How can someone be a ballroom dancer and not dance with the opposite sex? Also, you encouraged her to be friends with your friends so you have no right to second guess it now. Pretty much what this should teach you is to find women who have their own lives and aren't clingy or needy. Her lack of social skills is impacting you, as well as changing both of you as independent lovers who are now acting codependent.
Author IAmRobot Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Obsessed? No. Overbearing?Yes. How can someone be a ballroom dancer and not dance with the opposite sex? Also, you encouraged her to be friends with your friends so you have no right to second guess it now. Pretty much what this should teach you is to find women who have their own lives and aren't clingy or needy. Her lack of social skills is impacting you, as well as changing both of you as independent lovers who are now acting codependent. Read in detail. I was talking about a specific dance which involves very intimate touches. To me it's the same as previously making boundaries to girls I dated that going to clubs and dancing was OK but grinding (i.e. a specific dance) was not OK. I pushed her to be friends with one of my friends (by making them go together to events and stuff), but not become bffs with 3-4 of them. You might be right about the codependent part. But here's the thing, I highly enjoyed her being dependent on me, as long as I wasn't on her... But now that I am becoming codependent / needy, how do I get out of it?
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