jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 What do girls need to see or do for them to realize not every man is going to hurt them? There is this girl I am dating and she is scared of commitment and doesn't want a relationship aka BF. She has been hurt in the past and is very insecure. How can I get her to change her mind or sway her way of thinking?
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 If she was really into you she would risk it. She just isn't that into you. Sorry for the cliche but women take chances if they are smitten. 1
Author jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 If she was really into you she would risk it. She just isn't that into you. Sorry for the cliche but women take chances if they are smitten. Can you get them to be into you as time moves on?
MsKenji Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 How long have you guys been dating? If not long then wait man! I think people forget that commitment to one person (even if just BF/GF) is something that should be really thought of. Some girls (including myself) are so tired of people getting together because they like the idea of love and don't actually commit to each which results in a break up within 3 months. If you really like this girl and think she's worth it, then wait for her. Be patient and continually show her that you are there for her. I would say if 2 months pass by and she still doesn't see how much you care its time to pull out and look for someone else.
mammasita Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 You can't. Don't waste your time. Listen to what she's telling you. 1
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Can you get them to be into you as time moves on? How long have you been dating and how is your sex life?
Author jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) How long have you been dating and how is your sex life? Met her two months ago. No sex yet. Made out a bunch slept together, hold hands, cuddle, dry sex Edited December 30, 2013 by jinandjuice
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Met her two months ago. No sex yet. Made out a bunch slept together, hold hands, cuddle, dry sex Ages? Also, does she pursue you?
Author jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Ages? Also, does she pursue you? Mid twenties. I would say it is 80/20
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Then she isn't into you. Look if you are doing most of the pursuing and are dry humping and getting the I can't date you exclusively because I have been hurt before speech, you need to find a girl who really likes you and does 50/50 pursuing. This girl is telling you that you are good enough right now for fun and dates but not for a long term exclusive relationship. At least she was honest so now you can date someone else who wants what you want. 1
Author jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Then she isn't into you. Look if you are doing most of the pursuing and are dry humping and getting the I can't date you exclusively because I have been hurt before speech, you need to find a girl who really likes you and does 50/50 pursuing. This girl is telling you that you are good enough right now for fun and dates but not for a long term exclusive relationship. At least she was honest so now you can date someone else who wants what you want. damn that sucks. just thought feelings could develop into something over time but..damn
MrMeh Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I would have said that she could still be into you because I heard it once and a month later her preference changed. After 2 months of constant communication and making out, it seems that she simply is not feeling any significant connection. Maybe somebody here has a similar story to add onto mine.
OpheliaSong Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 If she had pursued you and showed a lot of interest and been sexually active like intercourse with you I may have thought she was taking it slow due to a broken heart but she did none of that and gave you the speech which shows she knows she is pulling back.
Pretty.in.Pink Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Many women don't pursue, so that alone isn't an issue. Neither is waiting to have sex. Many women prefer to get to know the guy first and build a certain level of trust and connection. The speech, however, is a problem. Especially after you've been dating for two months. She doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Listen to what she told you, believe her, and move on. You can't convince someone to love you...it's even a Bonnie Raitt song. You will have no one to blame but yourself when you continue on for months attempting to convince her to change her mind about you as boyfriend material.
scorpiogirl Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Can't speak for her but if I'm going on dates with someone but saying I'm not looking for a boyfriend or commitment then I only mean "with him". Chances are he's probably an ok guy and I have it a shot even though there was no initial physical attraction. I'd hate to write a decent guy off because I wasn't attracted right off the bat. But usually I can't muster up the feelings that would've spontaneously been there had I felt it with him. Doesn't happen. For me at least. 2
Author jinandjuice Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 thanks for the real advice. i was gonna pursue until i couldn't take it, but rethinking that
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