sometimes it's good to break NC to finally realise there is no hope anymore

[radiodarcy]

Inasmuch as I urge people to stick to NC, I actually have to agree with the OP. The reason being - - when I was dumped a few years ago, I too broke NC after 3 months.

 

My ex had been feeding me breadcrumbs during that 3 months period; which - - against my better judgement I had been nibbling on until I finally broke it and contacted him. After all it had been 3 months, maybe he did realize how much he missed me and couldn't bring himself to say it.

 

Within less than 24 hrs of my contacting him, I found that NOTHING had changed: He went right back to ignoring me for weeks at a time, contacted me when he felt like it and started bragging to me about all the girls he was dating.

 

And it still took me a month to gather my reserves and go back to NC - - and this was after crying to myself all that time and saying - - "why oh why didn't I stick to NC!"

 

But in a grim way, I needed that confirmation in order to cut him out of my life for good. Which I have.

 

I'm not suggesting that everyone expose themselves to that kind of mental anguish. But in my case, yeah - - I had to keep touching that stove until I finally accepted how harmful it was.

[margot13]

I also broke the rule and am also glad, it completely cured me of any hope, which is great. It was like talking to a stranger, a huge punch in the face that made me remove any pathetic romantic notions that we will work it out. So it kind of worked for me to break it too, and now it is not a rule, it is a given, I just don't want contact, as I don't feel like punching myself in the face again...

[Am4Real]

It's not a RULE, it's a commitment and either your're committed or you're not. You apparently were not committed at the time.

 

 

 

I also broke the rule and am also glad, it completely cured me of any hope, which is great. It was like talking to a stranger, a huge punch in the face that made me remove any pathetic romantic notions that we will work it out. So it kind of worked for me to break it too, and now it is not a rule, it is a given, I just don't want contact, as I don't feel like punching myself in the face again...

[Am4Real]

Let me ask you this and of course the analogy is dependent on my assumption you are a typical person who fights the battle of the bulge or has an over extending vice like smoking or over-indulgence in a substance and so on.

 

I’m sure most can relate.

 

Have you ever tried to diet to cure the weight issue?

 

What about the vice, ever tried to cut back or stop it altogether?

 

Sure you have – I would presume we’ve all tried over and over and over again, especially our battles with the bulge or tummy fat.

 

This is called a diet when it comes to reducing our mass.

 

It’s called the “quiet period” following a break up.

 

See the similarities?

 

As in the diet we are going about a reaction to a situation, we not necessarily changing our lifestyle forever. We not committed to forever “not gaining excess weight”; we are relieving a stress by eating less or exercising or whatever, only to go about it in a cycle again at some time in the future. Tune your television in the barrage of advertisement hawking weight loss fads to coincide with New Years’ resolutions in the days to come if you need further evidence.

 

This is the same as me reading one of you describe your breaking “no contact”. You were never committed to healing totally and this is why I do not let myself call it “no contact” when I read these stories. I like to think of it as breaking the “quiet period” and then maybe going true “no contact” following the realizations or whatever happens.

 

Yes, this is a play on words but should you relate to dieting for relief of body fat versus the person who immediately changes their lifestyle forever, do you then understand what I am referring to.

 

The profits of true “no contact” stand for themselves, realizing the difference between no contact and an interim “quiet period” comes with experience, unfortunately.

[margot13]

It's not a RULE, it's a commitment and either your're committed or you're not. You apparently were not committed at the time.

 

 

Probably not, I still hung on to the fantasy that we might resolve our problems, but that is my point making contact, took it out of a rule, it is now just that NO CONTACT. But I did need the conversation with him to get me there.

[fixing]

Polynomial. I here you sir. I did exactly the same thing as you with my first break up. Sometimes, (and this usually applies to first time dumpee's) we exhaust every avenue of trying to get back the dumper, we go against every 'experienced' persons advice, until we reach that stage and time when the dumpers words, truly hit home, and then we let go.

 

Conners, noone is being condescending, people here commenting have been through all these types of break ups and situations. They are very experienced, and they simply dont want new users to sign up and start to think that what OP did might work for them.

 

Because, 90% of the time, if you break no contact, it achieves nothing other than placing you back at the forefront of the raw break up pain.

[BC1980]

I also broke NC after about 3 months, and it crushed any hope of getting back together. In hindsight, I think it brought me more turmoil because I drug myself down into the drama again. It started another cycle of hurt and rejection. It's not necessary to put yourself through that because I knew there was no hope. I thought it helped at the time, but I think it made it worse after a month of reflection.

 

I still wish I had gone NC from day 1.

[Iguanna]

I agree with the OP. Not all relationships are the same. There is the possibility that the break up was due to lack of courage, experience or love from either of the parties and this can be changed in time. People grow up and get more mature. It's not a sign of inferiority to contact the person you have spent so much time with and used to know you more than anyone. It's a sign that you are human and you make mistakes and you accept and forgive the imperfection of the other person. It's a sign that you used to love this person and breaking up doesn't make you care for them less. Also the "what if" game can be really frustrating. In some cases, if you get the final answers you seek (I don't love you anymore, I want to find someone else, you are not who I want to be with etc) there is no reason to ascertain these reason once more. But what happens if you get no exact and final answers? What happens if you are certain that you can fix things if you get another chance?

 

I am not afraid to show my feelings cause that makes me human. I'm not afraid to be rejected, to feel vulnerable, to degrade myself for love. I pity those who don't want to do these things cause these people haven't experienced the true nature of pure love.