furby19 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I am 30 years old. I haven't been in a relationship in over 13 years. I can admit that some of the problem is the fact that I have a really low tolerance from BS when it comes to men (cheating, lying, using, married, etc.). However, I think I am a pretty good catch. I recently went online to see if I can meet someone. I met a few guys in person but I didn't seem to vibe with them. Don't get me wrong, I have been dating off and on in these 13 years, but it seems that I can't find anyone who isn't into playing games, full of crap, or married. I found out the last two guys that I liked were either married or temporarily broken up from a long term relationships. I have a good job and social life. Please help me understand what I am doing wrong. Any advice will be helpful..............
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 There's nothing wrong with you, Furb. For every different type of pot, there's a lid that fits it. It's all a matter of you finding the right one. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Don't you think that 13 years is an awefully long time for a female to be single? I am not ugly or fat. My male friends often ask me why I am still single as well. I have no answer. I won't ask my female friends because I do not think they will give me honest answers out of fear that they will hurt my feelings.
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Don't you think that 13 years is an awefully long time for a female to be single? I am not ugly or fat. My male friends often ask me why I am still single as well. I have no answer. I won't ask my female friends because I do not think they will give me honest answers out of fear that they will hurt my feelings. Let me ask you something babe, relationships aside, how was those past 13 years? Were they full with any major accomplishments?
Sand Man Dan Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Hmmmm highly unusual...but not necessarily a negative. You just gotta put yourself out there. I personally place a high value on when a woman displays self control and discernment when it comes to sex. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I joined the Military Reserves Obtained two degrees Started My Career Have been promoted three times at my job Have moved to three different states I have accomplished so much but that still doesn't explain why I have been single for so long. I assumed that I would have eventually met someone along the way. I have met several men but it seems as if the guys that I end up falling for end up being full of it.
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I joined the Military Reserves Obtained two degrees Started My Career Have been promoted three times at my job Have moved to three different states I have accomplished so much but that still doesn't explain why I have been single for so long. I assumed that I would have eventually met someone along the way. I have met several men but it seems as if the guys that I end up falling for end up being full of it. Very nice. If you're capable of doing all that, then getting an SO involved in your life is possible. Unfortunately, romance is also one of the most complicating things in existence. Sometimes the issues may be on your end. Sometimes they could be coming from something else. Many, many things need to go right for it occur. The best you can do is do everything in your power to get things to move and shake. It seems like you're meeting men, but just haven't met the right one. You have to keep moving along and keep creating opportunities for it to happen.
Author furby19 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Very nice. If you're capable of doing all that, then getting an SO involved in your life is possible. Unfortunately, romance is also one of the most complicating things in existence. Sometimes the issues may be on your end. Sometimes they could be coming from something else. Many, many things need to go right for it occur. The best you can do is do everything in your power to get things to move and shake. It seems like you're meeting men, but just haven't met the right one. You have to keep moving along and keep creating opportunities for it to happen. I will continue to create opportunities but at times it gets so frustrating. Thanks for the advice.
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I will continue to create opportunities but at times it gets so frustrating. Thanks for the advice. No prob. A princess will often kiss many frogs. Of course the twist is they never know how many frogs it will be.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I am in a pretty much the same position... 1
Author furby19 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I am in a pretty much the same position... Wow.....It feels strange, hunh. I have watched my best friend jump in and out of relationships over the past 10 years. Some of my other friends have divorced and are marrying again. I know that some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. This could explain how my friends end one relationship and get into another one right away. However, over time it has made me feel some kind of way. It's as if I am looking for something that doesn't exist. I am starting to think that the BS is supposed to exist in a relationship. I don't get it.
odin673 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 No prob. A princess will often kiss many frogs. Of course the twist is they never know how many frogs it will be. 13 years of frogs is quite an unusually long time. Maybe you should look into why you're going for guys that are "bad" and passing up on the decent ones. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Wow.....It feels strange, hunh. I have watched my best friend jump in and out of relationships over the past 10 years. Some of my other friends have divorced and are marrying again. I know that some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. This could explain how my friends end one relationship and get into another one right away. However, over time it has made me feel some kind of way. It's as if I am looking for something that doesn't exist. I am starting to think that the BS is supposed to exist in a relationship. I don't get it. I have seen my friends and relatives to the same thing... I am very picky when it comes to relationships. I don't even want to get into one if I don't feel like the guy is "the one". 2
Author furby19 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 13 years of frogs is quite an unusually long time. Maybe you should look into why you're going for guys that are "bad" and passing up on the decent ones. I haven't necessarily passed up anyone that was decent. Recently, I have met a few guys online who were cool guys but we just didn't really vibe with one another. We still talk on the phone or hang out every once in a while but I don't sense any relationship chemistry between us. I have even tried to date someone that I did not have chemistry with. After about of month, I could not do it anymore. I just can't lead anyone on like that. Maybe you are right. I don't know. Any suggestions?
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 13 years of frogs is quite an unusually long time. Maybe you should look into why you're going for guys that are "bad" and passing up on the decent ones. Who said she passed up on decent ones? Also, even if they were all 'bad', many don't show their bad traits right away. 3
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I haven't necessarily passed up anyone that was decent. Recently, I have met a few guys online who were cool guys but we just didn't really vibe with one another. We still talk on the phone or hang out every once in a while but I don't sense any relationship chemistry between us. I have even tried to date someone that I did not have chemistry with. After about of month, I could not do it anymore. I just can't lead anyone on like that. Maybe you are right. I don't know. Any suggestions? The only suggestion I have is to keep dating men you're attracted to. That's one thing you should not compromise on.
Author furby19 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I have seen my friends and relatives to the same thing... I am very picky when it comes to relationships. I don't even want to get into one if I don't feel like the guy is "the one". OMG.........I am the same way. Unfortunately, I don't see it any other way. I can't see myself trying to be in a relationship with someone that I don't vibe with. Other people do it all the time but even when I have tried it.....I just couldn't do it. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Wow.....It feels strange, hunh. I have watched my best friend jump in and out of relationships over the past 10 years. Some of my other friends have divorced and are marrying again. I know that some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. This could explain how my friends end one relationship and get into another one right away. However, over time it has made me feel some kind of way. It's as if I am looking for something that doesn't exist. I am starting to think that the BS is supposed to exist in a relationship. I don't get it. I know how you feel. I am bisexual and gender variant. I should have a ton of options of either men or women. IME women and men both behave in a rather shameful manner. If one is not attractive enough then one is invisible. If one is attractive enough then we are just there for a good time. Again women are just as bad about this as men. Plenty of 100% heterosexual male posters of all ages on here will tell you stories of married women hitting on them and indicating they want more than flirting. You are not alone, nothing is wrong with you, it's not a man woman thing. Yes, it seems that BS is part of relationships. After looking at all the stories here, relationships in my and my families lives, and the anthropological, and psychological data. BS is built into the relationships of all higher primates humans are the masters of this. 1/2 this (bonobo, a type of chimp mating) Notice the female initiates by hitting the male and messing with him. and 1/2 this (Gorilla mating). Notice the female initiates by playing a headgame with the alpha male silverback. Starting to get freaky with lesser males in an attempt to make him jealous and it works. If they do it, then odds are humans have done it since before the dawn of time. I guess there is one thing wrong with you, and me, and some of us here. For a long time we were looking for a totally honest BS free drama free relationship. Those are a bigger lie than happily ever after. To want passion and love is to want drama and heartbreak. They are two sides of the same coin. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Who said she passed up on decent ones? Also, even if they were all 'bad', many don't show their bad traits right away. Yes Nate. It seems like the last two guys that I liked were great in the beginning. But a few months down the line I find out that one was married (he was not living with his wife but he should have still informed me before my feelings got involved) and the other guy was "temporarily" broken up from an 8 year relationship. Which meant that I was pretty much a rebound girl for him. I am starting to think that something is wrong with me because I seem to keep attracting these kinds of guys. I just want to be happy!!! I am not looking for someone's husband, long term boyfriend, or anyone who is emotionally unavailable (like those two guys were).
regine_phalange Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I have a feeling that I am going to be single for a long time too. I think peoples' (and society's) morals are going through a crisis... I mean, basic values, such as honesty, fidelity or true affection, seem to be rare. I'm not saying that uptight societies are healthy. I dislike them. I just wish that this freedom we have gained through the years when it comes to romantic/sexual relatiosnhips, made these relationships more real and with more substance.
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yes Nate. It seems like the last two guys that I liked were great in the beginning. But a few months down the line I find out that one was married (he was not living with his wife but he should have still informed me before my feelings got involved) and the other guy was "temporarily" broken up from an 8 year relationship. Which meant that I was pretty much a rebound girl for him. I am starting to think that something is wrong with me because I seem to keep attracting these kinds of guys. I just want to be happy!!! I am not looking for someone's husband, long term boyfriend, or anyone who is emotionally unavailable (like those two guys were). If it helps, all type of women deal with fellas like that. So there's nothing about you particularly that draws them in. Just keep on playing your hand, and you'll eventually win out. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yes Nate. It seems like the last two guys that I liked were great in the beginning. But a few months down the line I find out that one was married (he was not living with his wife but he should have still informed me before my feelings got involved) and the other guy was "temporarily" broken up from an 8 year relationship. Which meant that I was pretty much a rebound girl for him. I am starting to think that something is wrong with me because I seem to keep attracting these kinds of guys. I just want to be happy!!! I am not looking for someone's husband, long term boyfriend, or anyone who is emotionally unavailable (like those two guys were). Think about it this way. All of us who are in our early 30's and never married are in your position. We look with a degree of want at the lives of those who have been married for a while. Yet, when we go out looking for a partner we find people who are married and more than willing to stray. Is it then such a great thing to be married with odds of 50/50 that it's not even to someone we really like or who doesn't like us and who will cheat on us? Perhaps not. Maybe the key is to stop thinking about what we don't have and to be happy for what we do have. What he don't have might not be all that great. All that glitters is not gold.
MrNate 2.0 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I have a feeling that I am going to be single for a long time too. I think peoples' (and society's) morals are going through a crisis... I mean, basic values, such as honesty, fidelity or true affection, seem to be rare. I'm not saying that uptight societies are healthy. I dislike them. I just wish that this freedom we have gained through the years when it comes to romantic/sexual relatiosnhips, made these relationships more real and with more substance. There is an interesting societal shift happening. But you remaining single for a long time? Nah, I'll put money on the opposite.
Weezy1973 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It's possible that you are attracted to non-relationship oriented men. Not saying you specifically like men that don't want relationships - just that the characteristics that you find attractive may be correlated with men that aren't relationship oriented. For example, men that want to have sex with a lot of women may spend more time on their physical appearance than those that are naturally monogamous (i.e. working out, being fashionable etc.). If you are naturally attracted to men that put a lot of effort into their physical appearance, and do not have a lot of patience for "players", this might explain your dry spell. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Think about it this way. All of us who are in our early 30's and never married are in your position. We look with a degree of want at the lives of those who have been married for a while. Yet, when we go out looking for a partner we find people who are married and more than willing to stray. Is it then such a great thing to be married with odds of 50/50 that it's not even to someone we really like or who doesn't like us and who will cheat on us? Perhaps not. Maybe the key is to stop thinking about what we don't have and to be happy for what we do have. What he don't have might not be all that great. All that glitters is not gold. You are right and I agree with you. It just gets so frustrating to deal with at times. I thought he would have found me a long time ago. Oh well.....but thanks for your response and advice.
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