David2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I have developed a romantic interest in a co-worker. After months of emailing and talking to her, there were plenty of signals suggesting she liked me back, so I finally asked her out and she said yes. The date went very well, and while she seemed a little nervous at the start, the conversation was great, and we both really enjoyed ourselves. At the end of the date, I said that I’d had a very nice time and that we’ll have to do something again if she wanted to, she leaned over towards me, so I kissed her on the cheek and walked off. I then text to say thanks again for such a nice evening, and left it there. She replied with “I really enjoyed it too and had a lovely evening” but then “I think I’d just like to keep things as friends between us”, leaving me really, really confused. I was absolutely gutted because I’m really fond of her. We seem a great fit. She didn’t give any explanation, but I assumed she’s just not interested, despite everything suggesting otherwise to that point. I did wonder if she meant go slow with friends and see what happens (which would be fine), or she doesn’t want to jump into a relationship, or she’s unsure because we work together, I don’t know. I replied to her text with “I understand” and she said “thanks, that’s very nice of you, have a fun weekend, see you Monday :-)”, which seemed a bit strange. While staying friends is not what I wanted to hear, of course I respect that. So I decided to back away for the next few days before my Christmas holidays, just so I could get my head round things. We hadn’t had any contact, and I thought she seemed quiet around the office. But on my last day, she dropped me an email 45 minutes before my normal finishing time (work related, but something trivial, with a personal comment at the end), and I hadn’t had time to reply before she was due to leave. I had to stay really late to get everything done, so I would’ve replied after she left. Two hours after both our finishing times, she was still there, everyone else had gone, except the two of us and one other person, and she’d told me on our date that she was no longer working late. So we exchanged a few emails and she came over for a chat. It was really nice and we left on very good terms. She even text me the next day. I’ve text her a few times over the holidays too, and she replied back quickly and positively. I feel better about things because she stayed so late, and it seemed to suggest that she cared at least. But the fact remains that she just wants to be friends, and that’s still pretty hard when I have feelings for her. Would it have been fair of me if I’d asked for bit more of an explanation? And do you think I should’ve been more forthcoming with my interest? Perhaps I should’ve actually said that I like her and want to do something again, rather than “we’ll have to do something again if she wanted to”, and I kissed her on the cheek because I wanted to be a gentleman. I’m very inexperienced with the dating scene, and I just get the impression she is too. I want to move on from this, but I’m still confused about her intentions. If she’s really not interested, I accept that, even though I think it’s a real shame, and goes against everything to this point. I just want to be sure there’s no confusion either side about how each of us feel, or intend things to go. Does anyone have any opinions on what I should do?
ponchsox Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 She friend zoned you, move on. She likes you as a friend and co-worker but not romantically. Don't act creepy around her since you work with her. Just be cool. 1
odin673 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Her intentions are to not see you romantically. If you have legitimate feelings I wouldn't chase being "friends" either. Your best bet is to distance yourself. Chasing her in any way will just cause her to run.
BikerAccnt Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 It's probably for the best. Workplace dating is dicey at best. She may have been thinking about that.
Pretty.in.Pink Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Tell her you like her, you aren't quite sure what to make of her comments, and ask her out on another date. At this point, you really have nothing to lose! Either she says yes because she's given things more thought and has changed her mind. It happens. Or she says no, and you're exactly where you are right now, except you have sufficient closure to move on to others.
Author David2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Thanks very much all for your thoughts on this. I'm very grateful. I certainly won't be creepy! I think I will just back away for now and not initiate anything, as before, until she sought me out after work. Hopefully with time we can be friends, who knows.
Scales Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Don't kiss on the cheek. It has nothing to do with being a gentleman. You say the date went well and you had a nice time, but that doesn't do much to make her want you. Go for the mouth next time. If they reject that then move on, its not worth your time. 1
compulsivedancer Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Don't kiss on the cheek. It has nothing to do with being a gentleman. You say the date went well and you had a nice time, but that doesn't do much to make her want you. Go for the mouth next time. If they reject that then move on, its not worth your time. YOU friend zoned HER. She feels rejected because she leaned in for a kiss and you kissed her on the cheek. She's trying to save face.
Cinnimon Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I'd suggest just continuing what you've been doing. Just act yourself around her, don't change anything. If the opportunity arises for you to take her out again, do so but don't push for it. Sometimes friendships can naturally progress into something more. If not , you can still enjoy her friendship and she yours.
Author David2013 Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Thanks for the further replies. Re the kissing on the cheek, we both seemed unsure what to do when we looked at each other, but when she didn't say anything after I suggested it'd be nice to do something again, my instinct told me that it wasn't the moment to go for a full on kiss, and she did then kind of angle her face for a kiss on the cheek. Maybe I messed up but the vibes weren't there.
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