Guardedheart Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I've spent a lot of time this past week allowing myself to feel the emotions that I kept tucking away or shutting down. I felt that I needed to try and allow myself to feel and start the new year owning my emotions and working on being a better me. In addition to the heartache and anger I realized that I am really just trying to not feel jealous of the things MM has that I want. Not necessarily want him anymore, but that I do want. He has a nice home, financial security (granted it is his wife's money), children, and partner in life. He cheats on his wife, and still gets these things. And I am simply jealous of that. Not a really good thing to be and I am trying to tell myself that I don't need all of those things to be happy, but it makes me angry that he has them all and still chose to look outside of his marriage for something. I know, that statement in itself says a lot... I am hoping that in the next few days/weeks I can just figure out me. Figure out who I am, what I want, and why I did some of the things that I did. I can't change anything, it happened. But I can learn why I allowed it to happen. thank you all for your time and support in what I would call one of the most difficult times of my life...
Got it Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 ((((((((((((((((((((((((GH))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Instead of looking at the positives he has, what are the positives in your life? I am sure there are some spectacular things. 1
Author Guardedheart Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 ((((((((((((((((((((((((GH))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Instead of looking at the positives he has, what are the positives in your life? I am sure there are some spectacular things. Thank you, and there are some spectacular things.... So many more than I can probably realize at this point. Plus, I'm not living a lie any more.
SarahJames Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I can't tell you how many times I've had similar thoughts. I always think about how he has this clean, nice home to come to, a wife, kids, multiple cars, successful career, money, the "family life", friends, vacations - all these things I want in the long run. I envy him. But...then I look at all the things I should be thankful for. They may not be the same things, but they are things other people don't have, and would be happy to have them. We always want what we can't have. I've realized that he has all these things, and he sees himself as someone who is happy with his life, but really...how happy is he? He's betraying the person closest to him. His marriage is built on a lie. Sometimes, I don't think it's his marriage that's a problem. I think it purely stems from unresolved issues within himself. His life appears to be wonderful and happy, but you never know the battles someone is fighting within themselves. 2
Author Guardedheart Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) I've realized that he has all these things, and he sees himself as someone who is happy with his life, but really...how happy is he? He's betraying the person closest to him. His marriage is built on a lie. Sometimes, I don't think it's his marriage that's a problem. I think it purely stems from unresolved issues within himself. His life appears to be wonderful and happy, but you never know the battles someone is fighting within themselves. I have these exact same thoughts. If he was truly that happy would he have been out looking for companionship within one year of being married. He gave up everything to come marry his wife and to get what I think was to be a "fresh start". But I really think he gave up his identity in doing so. I see him now as the broken man he really is. He has limited contact with his family, and in my eyes is basically a trophy husband. He never spoke badly of his wife, but he never spoke of his wife. While I shouldn't be jealousy, I am a little. And I want to stop caring for a man that doesn't even know how to care for himself and who hurt me. I am working on forgiveness, or something to help me move on and help me get unstuck from the negative energy I seem to be in currently. I know I am a much better person without him and deserve so much more Edited December 30, 2013 by Guardedheart
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