How to deal with this

[Monopoly]

Hey there, I wanted to share my story.

I was with her for almost three years. We lived in different cities and I was always the one traveling to see her. Everything was amazing, I lived for the time I would see her, we talked of me moving to her city so that we could at least be together, if not living together first. It's been a year now that she dumped me without explanation, and it still hurt the same. Two months before she dumped me, I told her I would move to be with her. Did she get too scared of everything becoming real on a daily basis? I will never know. She would never show her emotions, I always felt that I was the weak one.

So, about a year ago, we were talking and she started looking for excuses to argue (I noticed that she would do that when something was wrong) and suddenly told me that we should not be together anymore. Then she disappeared. A few weeks after, I contacted her, still today, I regret it. We started talking and every time I would ask for explanations, she would just say how she needed to move on and refused to talk about it. We had friends in common, so all our conversations would turn around them, in order not to talk about us. One day I went crazy and told her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Surprise, she started contacting me. Then, we saw each other through friends and I had the chance to tell her all I thought about her. Strangely enough, it didn't make me any better, still today. We are regularly in contact, but it's so empty compared to what we used to have, which is normal, I guess. And the only reason we are talking is because I'm too afraid to lose her. How I wish I was able to ignore everything and move on. But she is my first love, even if I'm 29, and everyone around me wants me to forget and have my own life. There's not a day I don't think about what happened, wondering. I still love her, though I'm aware I've been treated like a dog. I know I'm better than her, but sometimes knowing is not enough. There are days, I feel positive about my future, and others I just think that if she did that to me after all I did for her, how can I trust someone again? I tell myself that I don't ever want to love again, love is the most wonderful feeling in the world,

but also the most destructive. How to deal with this, folks?

Edited December 29, 2013 by Monopoly

[deathandtaxes]

First off, you need to go hard NC right now. You are torturing yourself. Then go live life. Go out with friends. Do things you like to do. Date. Whatever. When you find yourself thinking about her, acknowledge it, then start thinking or doing something else. And possibly consider some counseling if it becomes too overwhelming.

[Monopoly]

First off, you need to go hard NC right now. You are torturing yourself. Then go live life. Go out with friends. Do things you like to do. Date. Whatever. When you find yourself thinking about her, acknowledge it, then start thinking or doing something else. And possibly consider some counseling if it becomes too overwhelming.

 

Thank you deathandtaxes, I admit that reading this forum is helping me. Following my first post, I felt more detached and had a nice nye with NC.

Happy new year to you all.