sportzhl24 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I'm still a wreck about my breakup 5 months ago and I'd really love somebody to clear it up for me since there was little closure. In short this is how the breakup went down: There was a lot of tension between us for a number of reasons. One day after a rough week we went on a date, and as we were driving home she told me how she was going to be really busy that week and wasn't sure when she'd see me. Since I was really stressed, sensitive and insecure at the time I acted put off about it and she suddenly said that she wanted an open relationship. I told her I didn't want that, there's no such thing as a break etc and we argued the rest of the way home. Got to my house and went inside to talk. As we sat on my bed she told me that she was unhappy, that she didn't think we were having fun anymore, that I was being possessive/smothering her. (I had never been in a relationship before and made some dumbass mistakes like being overbearing, emotionally reliant.) So I agreed that it wasn't really working. But it was very unclear whether we were separated or not when she left. She kept telling me "im not leaving, im not leaving" It was a very emotional moment for both of us. So the next day she texted me asking me how I was. After some advice from my friends I told her it was over, that I was returning to college, wish you the best. But later that day I freaked out and texter her. Tried to get her back, sort of, but we ended up just saying goodbye at the end of the text session. She told me that she couldn't be my gf. A week later I deleted her off FB and accidentally friend requested her. I reverted the request but I still think she got notified. I freaked out again and texted her trying to get her back. She barely replied. I guess what I'm asking is, who broke up with who. Did she just dump me or was it mutual? I know everybody is going to tell me that it doesnt matter but I just need some outside perspective to clear this up for me. I'm in a lot of pain still, especially this morning after I had a bad dream about her. I just feel like if I wasn't so inexperienced with myself and relationships, we would still be together. I feel like we belong together
smuggy95 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 you broke up with her, tried to get her back, she rejected you. So she had the last move. she rejected you.
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 But how did I break up with her? I really dont think thats the case
BlametheIrish Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 You said you told her it was over in your original post. That's called breaking up. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 But that was only after she told me in many many ways that she couldnt be with me. What was I supposed to do?
cavalier99 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 You are definitly the dumpee. When she said she wants an open realtionship, isnt happy and then a break. The fact that you said it is over doesnt mean you broke up with her. She dumped you. There is no doubt about it. Cav 8
headinthecloud Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I agree with Cav. She ended it by saying she wanted an open RS but wanted things on her terms, hence the confusion. You definitely are the dumpee. 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I just want to disappear. I can't deal with this anymore 1
cavalier99 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I just want to disappear. I can't deal with this anymore This is great plan!! Disappear like a ninja. Go complete NC. Make it impossible for her to see anything about you or locate you. Make it the same for her. I disappeared for 7 months to recover. if i or her had died neither of us would have know about it. THIS IS TRUE NC and the best way to heal. Cav 6
Lei Ping Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I'm still a wreck about my breakup 5 months ago and I'd really love somebody to clear it up for me since there was little closure. In short this is how the breakup went down: There was a lot of tension between us for a number of reasons. One day after a rough week we went on a date, and as we were driving home she told me how she was going to be really busy that week and wasn't sure when she'd see me. Since I was really stressed, sensitive and insecure at the time I acted put off about it and she suddenly said that she wanted an open relationship. I told her I didn't want that, there's no such thing as a break etc and we argued the rest of the way home. Got to my house and went inside to talk. As we sat on my bed she told me that she was unhappy, that she didn't think we were having fun anymore, that I was being possessive/smothering her. (I had never been in a relationship before and made some dumbass mistakes like being overbearing, emotionally reliant.) So I agreed that it wasn't really working. But it was very unclear whether we were separated or not when she left. She kept telling me "im not leaving, im not leaving" It was a very emotional moment for both of us. So the next day she texted me asking me how I was. After some advice from my friends I told her it was over, that I was returning to college, wish you the best. But later that day I freaked out and texter her. Tried to get her back, sort of, but we ended up just saying goodbye at the end of the text session. She told me that she couldn't be my gf. A week later I deleted her off FB and accidentally friend requested her. I reverted the request but I still think she got notified. I freaked out again and texted her trying to get her back. She barely replied. I guess what I'm asking is, who broke up with who. Did she just dump me or was it mutual? I know everybody is going to tell me that it doesnt matter but I just need some outside perspective to clear this up for me. I'm in a lot of pain still, especially this morning after I had a bad dream about her. I just feel like if I wasn't so inexperienced with myself and relationships, we would still be together. I feel like we belong togetherWhen a Woman tells you the she wants an "open relationship" or the two of you "should start seeing other people" it means that she's already found some really good pipe and wishes to move on to explore it further without you stalking her. Move on. 3
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 What do u mean by some really good pipe?
pickflicker Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) What do u mean by some really good pipe? I believe he means 'penis'. As in, when she asked for an open relationship, there was already someone she wished to explore that with. When she couldn't have both, she dumped what was holding her back, which was you. Sorry, I know it sucks, but it's better to be free of her than in a relationship like that. Edited December 29, 2013 by pickflicker
JDPT Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 My BU was pretty identical to yours. I left her, then she left me, then I tried to "win her" back just so I can dump her again and run with it. It was sickening. For months I kept asking myself, wtf just happened here? Reality was/is that the relationship was over and out. If you ask me and I'll only speculate, your ex hasn't been happy for a while and she clearly disclosed that, I suggest to take that with a grain of salt. I can resonate with the pain trust me I've been there, we've been there we know how life draining it can be. However, you must find your inner strength to propel yourself forward. Nothing remains stagnant, nothing, life goes on and as they say "the show goes on", or something rather. Focus on you and leave the past where it belongs. Internalize the many reasons why you aren't together any longer and do not sugar coat the shiet. Keep posting you are now in a good place.
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah definitely. But Lei Wong, telling me that my ex probably found "some really good pipe" is a really douchey way of putting it. And no, you're wrong, she wanted an open relationship because I was being emotionally overbearing and she didn't want to deal with communicating all the time, etc.
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 My BU was pretty identical to yours. I left her, then she left me, then I tried to "win her" back just so I can dump her again and run with it. It was sickening. For months I kept asking myself, wtf just happened here? Reality was/is that the relationship was over and out. If you ask me and I'll only speculate, your ex hasn't been happy for a while and she clearly disclosed that, I suggest to take that with a grain of salt. I can resonate with the pain trust me I've been there, we've been there we know how life draining it can be. However, you must find your inner strength to propel yourself forward. Nothing remains stagnant, nothing, life goes on and as they say "the show goes on", or something rather. Focus on you and leave the past where it belongs. Internalize the many reasons why you aren't together any longer and do not sugar coat the shiet. Keep posting you are now in a good place. Yeah, thanks man. It really is life draining. I'm trying with every bone in my body. However I fail to see how I broke up with her, at all. Just because I said the words "It's over" doesn't mean that falls on me. She told me in a hundred ways, without actually saying the words, that she couldn't be with me anymore. If I dumped her than I might as well blow my brains out because this is bs.
notthathard Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I'm also with Cav, your the dumpee. You knew what was coming so you just said the words she really wanted to say. You did it for her, but she was going to do it anyway eventually. 1
JDPT Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah, thanks man. It really is life draining. I'm trying with every bone in my body. However I fail to see how I broke up with her, at all. Just because I said the words "It's over" doesn't mean that falls on me. She told me in a hundred ways, without actually saying the words, that she couldn't be with me anymore. If I dumped her than I might as well blow my brains out because this is bs. It's quiet honestly irrelevant who is at "fault" here. I was too caught off guard when my ex meant "business" and I was left all alone to simply accept reality. Luckily, I went through the shock phase rather quickly and managed to internalize immediately that there was no turning back from this one. Be gentle with yourself take your time. Learn from this experience, you will come out of this a new and improved you. 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 It's quiet honestly irrelevant who is at "fault" here. I was too caught off guard when my ex meant "business" and I was left all alone to simply accept reality. Luckily, I went through the shock phase rather quickly and managed to internalize immediately that there was no turning back from this one. Be gentle with yourself take your time. Learn from this experience, you will come out of this a new and improved you. Thank you I'm trying to learn. I cannot be the dumper. I just can't. If I am, I cannot handle that. I will not handle that
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you I'm trying to learn. I cannot be the dumper. I just can't. If I am, I cannot handle that. I will not handle that What...ever? You'll have to dump someone at some point in your life...
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 What...ever? You'll have to dump someone at some point in your life... No man I love her too much to dump her. I've spent the last 5 months thinking it was her who broke it off and now if it is me, then thats just stabbing myself in the heart even more. I didn't do that. Those weren't my words they were somebody elses
WhiteTan Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) Yeah definitely. But Lei Wong, telling me that my ex probably found "some really good pipe" is a really douchey way of putting it. And no, you're wrong, she wanted an open relationship because I was being emotionally overbearing and she didn't want to deal with communicating all the time, etc. Why are you asking for advice if you already have all of the answers? Sorry but I agree with Lei, she probably found another guy. Maybe she told you it was because you were emotionally overbearing but I'm willing to bet my money that there's more to it than you know about.. either way, it's time to move forward and put this behind you. Edited December 30, 2013 by WhiteTan 3
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah. I guess i'm just asking for advice because I'm depressed about this 5 months later and I don't know how to deal with it
lovesucks76 Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I'm sorry man. She obviously wanted OUT, the reasons are irrelevant now. I know it sucks. I've been there. The best course of action is to walk away and let things be with her. If its meant to be it will be. For now, respect yourself....she made clear she doesn;t feel the same way about you. Do you want to stay with someone who's no longer attracted to you? I wouldn't....stop, think, let her go! Focus on yourself and start making your like full again. Good luck!
Author sportzhl24 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I'm sorry man. She obviously wanted OUT, the reasons are irrelevant now. I know it sucks. I've been there. The best course of action is to walk away and let things be with her. If its meant to be it will be. For now, respect yourself....she made clear she doesn;t feel the same way about you. Do you want to stay with someone who's no longer attracted to you? I wouldn't....stop, think, let her go! Focus on yourself and start making your like full again. Good luck! Thats what i needed to hear. Thanks bro
fixing Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Yeah man. Sounds like she pushed you into saying the actual break up words but it was orchestrated by her. I know you still love her, but 5 months later man, you gotta move on. Take back control of yourself and stop keeping your life on hold. Just know, that you did everything in your power to get her back. There's nothing more you can do, so be at peace. Go and live a happy life being single. I dont believe in 2nd chances or reconciliation's, but they do happen for the minority of people. If you are both destined to be together, it wont be now, especially when your are so low and deflated. You need to work on getting your confidence and self esteem back. Just watch, the moment you are out dating new woman, your ex will probably reappear, but by that stage you will probably not be interested. Stay no contact sir. Be happy and healthy. 2
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