Author mrspaceman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 It sounds like the evening invites are mainly at your place. Of course she isn't comfortable with that. Evening public dates would be best I think. Not really, we have mainly met in the evenings and I only extended a couple invites to my place because she really likes to come to my area. I agree, she still needs to warm up and get more comfortable, she seems far more relaxed around me, every time we meet so public dates are fine for the moment until she is fully comfortable. I actually suggested that we meet in her area next time to keep things interesting, which she thought was a good idea and she quickly suggested a place for us to go to. I also thought she may also feel more comfortable there since it is her neighborhood. That is where we will be tomorrow during the day. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 What do you think about me just asking her directly how she feels about me at this point? I am almost positive that she was or is interested, however I feel if we just keep hanging out she will lose interest and I do not think I can handle that right now.
Author mrspaceman Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) I feel I owe this community as your support and insight through all this has been very valuable and I promised an update good or bad. Unfortunately the news is bad... We met for lunch and talked about our lives and what we hoped to achieve from the future. She walked me back to the station and then she brought up the subject of relationships, which of course turned into an intense discussion. It was such a sunny beautiful day which was only made more beautiful by her, so I asked her if she wanted to sit along the water, to which she agreed. I guess the mood hit me and I opened up my feelings about her but in a decent way so not to overwhelm her. She said she had a feeling, but said she did not feel the same way about me. She said her life was good, but busy at the moment and did not want to complicate it, she also mentioned she did not want to play games with people and give them false hope, she was quite adult about the whole thing. I told her I appreciate her honesty and directness and apologized if I did anything to make her feel uncomfortable, she said it was not a problem, we both agreed that nobody was at fault and that these things sometimes happen. I am still confused why we would talk about marriage, children, etc in the way we did, but I guess I read her completely wrong? We agreed to keep in touch, she said she was concerned for me and said it was up to me to decide when we will meet again, only once I have gotten over her and can meet on a friendly basis. I was really trying to keep my composure and keep the tears from rolling, but after we hugged and parted ways, I let myself cry as I walked home along the water, not the ending I had hoped for, but at least I know where I stand... Edited January 11, 2014 by mrspaceman
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Sorry to hear that, mrspaceman, but at least you have an answer now, no more agonising over how it's going, how she feels etc. She sounds very sensible and mature, maybe you will make a good friend out of her. I will happily talk about my future goals for marriage and kids with male friends. Sometimes even moreso with men I'm not interested in, because I'm not scared of 'scaring them off'. So I wouldn't read too much into that. 1
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm sorry, MrSpaceman… I hope you take this as an instructional to - maybe - go in sooner for the kiss and physical so that you don't get as emotionally invested this long after so many dates. I think you might have learned all this sooner, I'm afraid. But please don't let it dissuade you from going out there and trying again soon! 1
Versacehottie Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I'm sorry too, Mr. Spaceman. I'm really surprised. Usually there's a vibe if a guy has interest and most girls many it clear what they are after so to not get into an uncomfortable situation. Like i wouldn't talk marriage and family at length without first making it clear that we are definitely friends if I didn't want you to get the wrong impression. I would leave it vague or open-ended if this marriage and family info is meant for you. I wonder if she just likes the attention--the girl version of a stringer. OR perhaps she is really not ready to consider a relationship with you now but would change her mind. In any case, think about yourself now. And don't hold out for her. Go on with your life and if you can be friends with her in the future than do that. As soon as your feeling a bit better, meet other girls. Good luck and let us know how things go.
Author mrspaceman Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) This community was helpful to me before and a good way to make sense of what is going on, also the story is apparently not over… So after taking a break from each for some months, we started hanging out together on a friendly basis and it was just that, we were hanging out, just as friends. Then during one of our meetings something happened, we were just talking and walking around normally as usual, but we seemed to be on the same wavelength and I felt a bit of a spark and I am pretty sure she did too because of what followed… Unfortunately the timing was not great though as she had a family member staying with her for a few weeks. The weeks passed and the day her family member left she sent me a message asking if I wanted to go dancing with her and her friends on Saturday night, which we had never done before. At the last minute she changed the plans and says her friends cannot make it and suggested the two of us meet for drinks, we do not go out for drinks together very often. We did meet and were both in a good mood, it was a light and funny evening with a lot of laughing. Though I had a hard time reading her. I was not sure if we are hanging out as friends or romantically. So I guess I saw this as more of a catching up evening, which I think we both enjoyed. The weekend after she was out of the city visiting friends. When she returned but she messaged me again and wanted to meet on the weekend. I told her I was having a house party and asked her to join if she wanted, but she said she had plans with her girlfriend but wanted to meet the day after, so we planned for that. Then at the last minute again she changed the plans and suggested walking around a traditionally romantic park in the city. We walked around the park for several hours and it was a lovely day I thought. I suggested a dinner outing during the week with some of my best friends to which she agreed. I had an ulterior motive though as I wanted to spend time with her, but as well get my friends outside view as to whether they could read whether she was interested in me or not as I am having a very difficult time reading her. After we made these plans, she then wrote me and asked me to choose going for dinner with either my friends or just her and said if I go with my friends, me and her could go another time. I obviously chose to go with her, to which she seemed happy about. She likes to plan everything ahead, knowing that, the next day after the dinner, I asked if she wanted to meet sometime on the weekend. She said she was busy with school, but suggested we meet next week. She did mention she had a lot of things to do this week, so I believe her. After the weekend, she writes to me, no “Hello, how are you?” or anything like that, first thing she writes is if I would like to go on a vacation with her to her home country, which we discussed before. We arranged the travel plans, she said she would stay with a girlfriend and told me to get a hotel nearby. After we arranged the travel plans, I asked when she would like to meet next, she said she was busy with school, but maybe had time for a coffee. So we make huge travel plans together, but now she only wants to meet for a coffee?! This girl is throwing me back and forth so often, I have no idea where I stand anymore! Since I already opened up my feelings to her the one time and that did not work out, I do not really want to put myself through that again. I feel getting more physical with her at this point is a better way to go, if I could actually meet her. My question is, again for mainly the ladies, do you think she likes me? Or am I reading her wrong completely and are we just still friends? Her suggestions for activities tell me she is interested, but I find her very difficult to read sometimes. I would not put myself through this again with girl, I have had girlfriends in the past, but never was the feeling so intense from the beginning and when we are together even just on friendly basis, I feel like she is the one for the life long relationship, that is why I am being a bit more patient than usual and making sure she feels comfortable with me and that we create a strong bond… Thoughts? Edited July 30, 2014 by mrspaceman
Themanwithaplan Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Interesting... And somewhat confusing. Maybe she's just busy...out of curiosity, what's her home country? Is it a drug source nation like the Middle East or South America?
RonaldS Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Never, ever tell a girl how you feel about her BEFORE any sort of intimacy. The message you send her is that you're not courageous enough to make a move. 'Not courageous enough to make a move' then gets extrapolated into her general opinion of you and your composition. You don't want that. And if some woman says, 'Oh, that's so sweet and thoughtful', don't listen to her. It's a suicide move. And many of the women who 'awwwwwww' at such cutsie gestures want people to think that that's what women want. In reality, they want you to throw them down onto the bed on their stomachs, yank their head back by pulling their hair and f**k them senseless. Don't buy any of that sweetsie nice-guy crap women pretend to want. It's a myth. Next time you like a girl, at the latest by date 3 you need to kiss her. At the latest. And early on (after kissing), if you do express feelings, do so after she asks, and when you answer, be vague and sort of apathetic. When girls have asked me for my feelings, I typically shrug and say something stupid like, 'Yeah, I sometimes feel things...about stuff...I don't know'.
Author mrspaceman Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 Interesting... And somewhat confusing. Maybe she's just busy...out of curiosity, what's her home country? Is it a drug source nation like the Middle East or South America? Definitely confusing, I think she is actually quite busy with everything she told me about. Out of curiosity, why do you ask if it is a drug source nation?
Themanwithaplan Posted July 30, 2014 Posted July 30, 2014 Definitely confusing, I think she is actually quite busy with everything she told me about. Out of curiosity, why do you ask if it is a drug source nation? I'm highly suspicious of people's intentions, especially when the circumstances are highly unusual. It's unlikely that she would use you to traffic things across international borders but it's not at all uncommon.
Author mrspaceman Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I'm highly suspicious of people's intentions, especially when the circumstances are highly unusual. It's unlikely that she would use you to traffic things across international borders but it's not at all uncommon. I see, well thank you for the note of concern, but when I said she was difficult to read, I was referring to whether she had a love interest in me or not. On that point, could we get back to the topic? I would like to hear from the ladies...
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