pteromom Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 It sounds to me like it is going well, and I don't think it is THAT big of a deal that you haven't kissed yet, but it needs to happen soon. It would be really romantic to meet somewhere at midnight on New Year's Eve and share your first kiss as the clock struck 12. Not sure how you could make that happen, but if you know where she will be, it just might be worth the risk. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 (edited) It sounds to me like it is going well, and I don't think it is THAT big of a deal that you haven't kissed yet, but it needs to happen soon. It would be really romantic to meet somewhere at midnight on New Year's Eve and share your first kiss as the clock struck 12. Not sure how you could make that happen, but if you know where she will be, it just might be worth the risk. Thanks for the vote of confidence! Unfortunately I do not know where she will be and we live in a very big city, so it could be difficult to meet without us planning ahead and since we both have previous engagements. I had another question for the ladies though. Since we may not be able to see each other, what do you think if I sent her a message around midnight along with a link to this song, which I believe is really appropriate for new years and our situation. Listen or read the lyrics Would this scare you off? Personally I believe this is really romantic... Edited December 31, 2013 by mrspaceman
Pretty.in.Pink Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the vote of confidence! Unfortunately I do not know where she will be and we live in a very big city, so it could be difficult to meet without us planning ahead and since we both have previous engagements. I had another question for the ladies though. Since we may not be able to see each other, what do you think if I sent her a message around midnight along with a link to this song, which I believe is really appropriate for new years and our situation. Listen or read the lyrics Would this scare you off? Personally I believe this is really romantic... No, it's cute. I would enjoy receiving it on New Year's Eve. It's a nice romantic gesture and makes it clear that you like her and are interested in her. Now...the song talks about when they kiss. There better be a kiss after this! 1
what_a_blonde Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 No, it's cute. I would enjoy receiving it on New Year's Eve. It's a nice romantic gesture and makes it clear that you like her and are interested in her. Now...the song talks about when they kiss. There better be a kiss after this! I dunno, I'm going to have to vote that it might be a little overboard. Unless she is one of those people who is really into youtube vids, music, and lyrics, I would just stick with sending her a message near midnight to know you are thinking of her. The reason I think it might be a little overboard is it doesn't sound like you guys have crossed into the romance stage yet. Something like this might be appropriate after you've shared a kiss... or shared a lot about wanting to be intimate, etc.... And if that has happened and I'm unaware, then I'd vote send it. Otherwise- PERFECT idea to just send her a text telling her you hope she is havin fun, etc. 2
pteromom Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Thanks for the vote of confidence! Unfortunately I do not know where she will be and we live in a very big city, so it could be difficult to meet without us planning ahead and since we both have previous engagements. I had another question for the ladies though. Since we may not be able to see each other, what do you think if I sent her a message around midnight along with a link to this song, which I believe is really appropriate for new years and our situation. Listen or read the lyrics Would this scare you off? Personally I believe this is really romantic... It depends very much on how much you've gotten to know each other during your dates so far. If you've kept it light and casual, this could scare her away. If you've talked about what you want in your futures and created a real bond with each other, it would be romantic. Also depends on what kind of person she is. If she's someone who loves Meg Ryan movies and has that mushy side to her, she'd find it romantic, where someone who isn't like that would find it cheesy and sappy. 2
pteromom Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Otherwise- PERFECT idea to just send her a text telling her you hope she is havin fun, etc. I agree with this too. Whether or not you send the video link to her, DEFINITELY send her a text at midnight saying you are thinking of her and look forward to seeing her in the new year, or something to that effect. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I also don't think it's the worst thing that you haven't kissed YET. But it needs to happen pretty soon for your intentions to be clear or she will think you just want to be friends. As far as the video at midnight goes, that's a hard one. It's needs to match with her personality and they way you guys have interacted so far. If you think it would be so out of left field surprising, then I don't think I would do. If you have already sent messages that are similar enough or it matches with conversations that you've had, then go ahead and send. TBH, if she really likes you and is all in, it won't really mess things up. Though you could play it safe, send a message wishing her a happy new year and something sweet, and it will have a better chance of being positively received (this is what I would recommend). 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 I just wanted to thank all of you for your advice and support and also wish you a Happy New Year! I opted not to send the video as I did not want there to be a slight chance of scaring her off as I think she is quite special. I sent her a message before to wish her the best and said I would be interested in spending more time together in the New Year to which she responded to positively! Unfortunately we did not meet New Years, but maybe not such a bad thing as it takes a bit of pressure off us both being such a big night. She is very stressed with exams and said she did not want me to see her in that state, but she made a date for us to meet right after she finishes handing in her papers, so I think that is another positive sign and that she interested in moving forward as well? I gave her my vote of confidence in her and showed support. My only problem now is that I cannot stop thinking about her, but have to keep it together for several days until we meet, I actually have a lot of things to do before then, but I am having a hard time focusing, any advice on keeping your cool in these situations? I exercise regularly, but that is not really helping. I always believed that our hearts get the better of us no matter what and this feeling is just reinforcing that. 1
deathandtaxes Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 My only problem now is that I cannot stop thinking about her, but have to keep it together for several days until we meet, I actually have a lot of things to do before then, but I am having a hard time focusing, any advice on keeping your cool in these situations? I exercise regularly, but that is not really helping. I always believed that our hearts get the better of us no matter what and this feeling is just reinforcing that. Just resist the urge to blow up her phone in the meantime. Enjoy the crazy feelings!! Just miss her. Then do something else. Then miss her again. Etc. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 She finished handing in her papers early and sent me a message right away asking if we could meet a couple days earlier than originally planned, which I take as a good sign. After that she started writing me texts similar to those after we first met, less casual than our previous texts and more formal, but still very friendly. I try and keep the texts to the minimal as I find they cause more harm than good as so many things get misread. She also wanted to meet for lunch during the day, but I pushed for an evening meeting to get some drinks to which she readily agreed to. I am just confused by the formal texts, I just really do not be put in the friend zone with this one...ladies, is she still interested? I hope I will be able to tell once I actually see her in person...
Emilia Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 I am just confused by the formal texts, I just really do not be put in the friend zone with this one...ladies, is she still interested? I hope I will be able to tell once I actually see her in person... Remember what you said about texts being easy to misinterpret? This is an example. She could be formal because perhaps she felt exposed after pushing to meet earlier. It sounds like she might be worrying about the same thing as you are. That could be a positive Good luck! 2
Author mrspaceman Posted January 7, 2014 Author Posted January 7, 2014 Remember what you said about texts being easy to misinterpret? This is an example. She could be formal because perhaps she felt exposed after pushing to meet earlier. It sounds like she might be worrying about the same thing as you are. That could be a positive Good luck! Thanks for your reply! That makes a lot of sense and puts me at ease.
GirlontheLam Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 This would be an opportune time to greet her with a longer hug when you see her. I do find it weird you haven't touched at all. I am pretty touchy feely, I'll likely touch your arm pretty fast.
Author mrspaceman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) I would like to keep you all updated on the story as I find this a great way to release the many feelings and thoughts we find ourselves dealing with sometimes. In addition to friends, I think the internet is great for this and I really appreciate all of your understanding and support. Yesterday we finally met, gave her a nice hug and kiss on the cheeks as when we usually meet. We started talking about her school and our New Years and our conversation became quite intimate and in depth after that. We talked a lot about what we both wanted from the future, we talked a lot about marriage and children. She told me she had some good male friends, but she had no feelings for any of them. Why would she tell me that? Does she see me as one of those friends? As much I would have liked to kiss her, I was not feeling her body language and the mood was just not right at the place we were at, just out of the blue would have been completely inappropriate. I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place for another drink, she said maybe another time. She did mention earlier she had to get up very early for work the next day. She said we could slowly walk to the train station, I usually walk her back to the station. When we arrived at the station, she asked when we should meet next and proposed breakfast on the weekend. I am so confused by her actions and her words. Ladies? Edited January 8, 2014 by mrspaceman
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 i'm a little confused too honestly. I DO think she likes you. I hope she doesn't just like the attention. I think it's good that she told you about her male friends--seems like she wanted to clarify things so you won't get jealous of them. I hope she wasn't lumping you in with her group of "male friends". I think it's positive that she is the one who suggested the next plans and the content of your discussion this time (marriage etc.). I think assuming she has honest intentions, it's a long-haul situation. It seems like she wants to take things slow and get into a spot where she trusts you. I could be wrong but from the way your posts are worded and the things you said about her, is it right to say that you both are a little formal and quite traditional? If so, then her actions are less confusing. Talking about marriage etc is pretty intense. I don't know if the vibe is going to be right at morning breakfast for a kiss either. But maybe the following time. The whole thing might just be a long wait, which isn't a bad thing. Just make sure that it's not ALL on her terms and invest only what you are willing to lose in terms of time and risk of feelings. Good luck and keep us updated. 1
Emilia Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 She said we could slowly walk to the train station, I usually walk her back to the station. When we arrived at the station, she asked when we should meet next and proposed breakfast on the weekend. I am so confused by her actions and her words. Ladies? Should have been another evening date. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Should have been another evening date. She really likes breakfast and brunch.
Emilia Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 She really likes breakfast and brunch. I think it's really hard to build intimacy in the morning. Not impossible, I have seen romantic people at breakfast time but people are usually more relaxed in the evening, have a drink or two, chill more. Start of the day isn't usually the best time to get romantic. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 i'm a little confused too honestly. I DO think she likes you. I hope she doesn't just like the attention. I think it's good that she told you about her male friends--seems like she wanted to clarify things so you won't get jealous of them. I hope she wasn't lumping you in with her group of "male friends". I think it's positive that she is the one who suggested the next plans and the content of your discussion this time (marriage etc.). I think assuming she has honest intentions, it's a long-haul situation. It seems like she wants to take things slow and get into a spot where she trusts you. I could be wrong but from the way your posts are worded and the things you said about her, is it right to say that you both are a little formal and quite traditional? If so, then her actions are less confusing. Talking about marriage etc is pretty intense. I don't know if the vibe is going to be right at morning breakfast for a kiss either. But maybe the following time. The whole thing might just be a long wait, which isn't a bad thing. Just make sure that it's not ALL on her terms and invest only what you are willing to lose in terms of time and risk of feelings. Good luck and keep us updated. Thanks for your support! Good to hear I am not the only one confused by this! I am sure by now she knows I am interested in her and I wonder if her telling me about her other male friends was her way of telling me, not to invest too much into her and continue looking for other people as she is doing the same? Yet she does not feel anything for any of them? That is very confusing. You are right to say we are both quite formal, probably her a bit more traditional than me. I think she wants to move slow too, which I respect, however as you said, I also have to consider how much I am willing to invest in terms of time and risk of my own feelings, which has so far been quite a lot and are obviously getting the best of me. Will keep you updated good or bad. Thanks again. 1
Author mrspaceman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 I think it's really hard to build intimacy in the morning. Not impossible, I have seen romantic people at breakfast time but people are usually more relaxed in the evening, have a drink or two, chill more. Start of the day isn't usually the best time to get romantic. I agree. I think though during our next meeting I will just ask her directly where I stand and what she sees from me. I did kind of ask her indirectly yesterday and her response was that I seem sure of myself with everything in my life except for her. To which I responded, that I thought a lot of her, but have a hard time reading her and whether she likes me or if she is enjoying herself with me or not, which is no lie, her actions and words really confuse me. She said she would not be hanging out with me if she was not enjoying herself. Yet she does not accept some of my invitations? I think she likes to be in control though, so maybe she needs more time? 2
Emilia Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 I agree. I think though during our next meeting I will just ask her directly where I stand and what she sees from me. I did kind of ask her indirectly yesterday and her response was that I seem sure of myself with everything in my life except for her. To which I responded, that I thought a lot of her, but have a hard time reading her and whether she likes me or if she is enjoying herself with me or not, which is no lie, her actions and words really confuse me. She said she would not be hanging out with me if she was not enjoying herself. Yet she does not accept some of my invitations? I think she likes to be in control though, so maybe she needs more time? Example? _____
Author mrspaceman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Example? _____ I offered her to cook her dinner in the past, but she wanted to meet for brunch. I hinted at hanging out for New Years, but did not really get anything back. I asked her out for drinks, she accepted. Yesterday I asked if she wanted a drink at my place, she said maybe another time. Though other things I have suggested she has done so willingly. So, she is not closed to hanging out and also very open to us hanging out in public, so it is not like she is hiding us from anyone. I really do make an effort to make her feel at ease and comfortable, when she starts talking about marriage and children so openly, I think I am doing a good job?
Versacehottie Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Thanks for your support! Good to hear I am not the only one confused by this! I am sure by now she knows I am interested in her and I wonder if her telling me about her other male friends was her way of telling me, not to invest too much into her and continue looking for other people as she is doing the same? Yet she does not feel anything for any of them? That is very confusing. You are right to say we are both quite formal, probably her a bit more traditional than me. I think she wants to move slow too, which I respect, however as you said, I also have to consider how much I am willing to invest in terms of time and risk of my own feelings, which has so far been quite a lot and are obviously getting the best of me. Will keep you updated good or bad. Thanks again. You're welcome. I'm rooting for you! I think that the male friends thing is to reassure you that she is not dating them. Otherwise why add the comment that she does not feel anything for them. If wanted to make someone potentially jealous, I would mention male friends and leave it open ended so they will wonder. She clarified that she doesn't have feelings for them so to me that sounds like she doesn't want you to worry. ALSO she could be checking to make sure that you are not the jealous type. Basically like saying I have male friends and they are really just friends and waiting to see if you react jealously because many of us don't like that if we are sensible. It's like basically laying the groundwork, like "i'm not going to change this if we were together". Like I'm going to keep my guys friends, are you ok with that? I think it only worries you because you like her. It is a possibility that she is lumping you all together, all the male friends, of course, but more remote than the other two I mentioned above. She sounds very cautious in general. If you get the feeling that she would be less cautious with someone else at this very point in time, then I would be worried because then it seems like she is stringing you along or likes the attention. If you feel like she would be equally cautious with every guy she encounters, then it's just how she is and that's ok. good luck 1
Emilia Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I offered her to cook her dinner in the past, but she wanted to meet for brunch. I hinted at hanging out for New Years, but did not really get anything back. I asked her out for drinks, she accepted. Yesterday I asked if she wanted a drink at my place, she said maybe another time. Though other things I have suggested she has done so willingly. So, she is not closed to hanging out and also very open to us hanging out in public, so it is not like she is hiding us from anyone. I really do make an effort to make her feel at ease and comfortable, when she starts talking about marriage and children so openly, I think I am doing a good job? It sounds like the evening invites are mainly at your place. Of course she isn't comfortable with that. Evening public dates would be best I think. 2
Author mrspaceman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 You're welcome. I'm rooting for you! I think that the male friends thing is to reassure you that she is not dating them. Otherwise why add the comment that she does not feel anything for them. If wanted to make someone potentially jealous, I would mention male friends and leave it open ended so they will wonder. She clarified that she doesn't have feelings for them so to me that sounds like she doesn't want you to worry. ALSO she could be checking to make sure that you are not the jealous type. Basically like saying I have male friends and they are really just friends and waiting to see if you react jealously because many of us don't like that if we are sensible. It's like basically laying the groundwork, like "i'm not going to change this if we were together". Like I'm going to keep my guys friends, are you ok with that? I think it only worries you because you like her. It is a possibility that she is lumping you all together, all the male friends, of course, but more remote than the other two I mentioned above. She sounds very cautious in general. If you get the feeling that she would be less cautious with someone else at this very point in time, then I would be worried because then it seems like she is stringing you along or likes the attention. If you feel like she would be equally cautious with every guy she encounters, then it's just how she is and that's ok. good luck Thanks your support and insight makes a lot of sense! Yes, I think she is very cautious in general, which I do not see as necessarily a bad trait. I think I am being patient and trying to make her feel more at ease, but also trying to move things forward a bit to show interest.
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