loveiswar101 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Been thinking all day about my BU. I got to say it just feels so wrong. Were no kids in this and have been around the block. I just feel we still both love each other and for some stupid things that could be sorted with talking we may have a chance. I feel she stubborn and I believe it's not for me to chase, as she left me and I know if she did love me she would try to open communication. But nearly a month down track I know she has been contacting friends to find out what happening with me. Why ? It's just so so so wrong... i'm hurting with no one to talk too..
Bandini Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Exact same boats. She try to know about me through a mutual friends, i learn one night ago that she is still in love with me. (It's the worste thing you could learn for moving on... even if it don't mean that she want to be with us). For the contact i thinks it's perhaps about guilt mix with caring about us. But that's all. I don't think you should dig too much about it.
headinthecloud Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) You're not alone, love. Many of us are going through or have been through what you're feeling and it's part of the process. One truth is that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and commitment to making it work - without that there's no foundation to build on. Then trust is built through honesty and intimacy. Everything else from there is what makes a RS unique. People come in and out of our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. All you have is the opportunity to learn from each experience. She may be stubborn but she told you she wanted you to commit to her but then you went a week without seeing her. You just werent meeting her needs - regardless of how legitimate your reasons were. She didnt feel special in the relationship and she wanted more, something you just couldnt give and she felt that she didn't want to put in more effort to make it work. All you can do is respect her decision and live your life. Work on bettering yourself. In time, you'll create a different life for yourself and she may or may not come back into your life. The point is not to hinge your happiness on someone other than yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. I know you'll overcome this so just take it day by day. It does get better in time provided you want to heal. If you choose you and to be happy again then you will be. It sounds like you need to rebuild your self esteem. Use that as a starting point. Edited December 29, 2013 by headinthecloud 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 You're not alone, love. Many of us are going through or have been through what you're feeling and it's part of the process. One truth is that it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and commitment to making it work - without that there's no foundation to build on. Then trust is built through honesty and intimacy. Everything else from there is what makes a RS unique. People come in and out of our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. All you have is the opportunity to learn from each experience. She may be stubborn but she told you she wanted you to commit to her but then you went a week without seeing her. You just werent meeting her needs - regardless of how legitimate your reasons were. She didnt feel special in the relationship and she wanted more, something you just couldnt give and she felt that she didn't want to put in more effort to make it work. All you can do is respect her decision and live your life. Work on bettering yourself. In time, you'll create a different life for yourself and she may or may not come back into your life. The point is not to hinge your happiness on someone other than yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. I know you'll overcome this so just take it day by day. It does get better in time provided you want to heal. If you choose you and to be happy again then you will be. It sounds like you need to rebuild your self esteem. Use that as a starting point. Thank you for the kind words, it seems you have read me like a book. I'm probably one of the most emotional men I know and yes I need to get this under control. Being 4 weeks tomorrow since i have seen her (but can see her face so clearly) I bit the bullet. I do believe she is stubborn and 4 weeks have past. So I broke NC for the final time and ask her to lunch. She said she had a few things to do today and how about an early dinner. Even though I can't get her out of my mind for more than a few minutes a day as say it has been 4 weeks and I'm no way healed or think much of taking her out for dinner. Will just go in with an open mind and take it from there.
True Gent Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Thank you for the kind words, it seems you have read me like a book. I'm probably one of the most emotional men I know and yes I need to get this under control. Being 4 weeks tomorrow since i have seen her (but can see her face so clearly) I bit the bullet. I do believe she is stubborn and 4 weeks have past. So I broke NC for the final time and ask her to lunch. She said she had a few things to do today and how about an early dinner. Even though I can't get her out of my mind for more than a few minutes a day as say it has been 4 weeks and I'm no way healed or think much of taking her out for dinner. Will just go in with an open mind and take it from there. I'd tread very carefully if I were you. To be honest if you still feel as emotional as you say right now, then going to dinner probably isn't a good idea just yet. When your emotions are all over the place it makes you behave irrationally and if you want any chance of having her back you need to be calm, cool and focused. IF she may be thinking she has feelings for you, then giving her some more space will help her realise she is missing you. Then she will be doing the chasing, honestly being strong and giving her (and yourself) space is the best way to gain some control here. 2
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Been thinking all day about my BU. I got to say it just feels so wrong. Were no kids in this and have been around the block. I just feel we still both love each other and for some stupid things that could be sorted with talking we may have a chance. I feel she stubborn and I believe it's not for me to chase, as she left me and I know if she did love me she would try to open communication. But nearly a month down track I know she has been contacting friends to find out what happening with me. Why ? It's just so so so wrong... i'm hurting with no one to talk too.. The only thing you're guaranteed to do, is push her away if you keep insisting on forcing contact. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 The only thing you're guaranteed to do, is push her away if you keep insisting on forcing contact. True X100000 2
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Originally I just asked for lunch, it's been 4 weeks and contact has been very minimal. She suggested early dinner. She could of said no or she was busy. After 4 weeks I'm testing the water I guess. I honestly believe she still wants space and I know I do. But as say, put the offer out there and was up to her. I'm not expecting much but she has been the one in a away to break contact and thought why not !
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Originally I just asked for lunch, it's been 4 weeks and contact has been very minimal. She suggested early dinner. She could of said no or she was busy. After 4 weeks I'm testing the water I guess. I honestly believe she still wants space and I know I do. But as say, put the offer out there and was up to her. I'm not expecting much but she has been the one in a away to break contact and thought why not ! You really don't get it. You need to walk away and leave her to say in clear, certain terms, that she wants another chance. Or let he rsay nothing at all. What you guys are doing will only serve to push you further apart in the long run. It's like continuing to resuscuitate someone long after they're dead. Pointless. 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I get it guys but date is made for tonight. ?
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 I get it guys but date is made for tonight. ? "Something came up. Sorry. Have to cancel."
Kopite Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 "Something came up. Sorry. Have to cancel." Yes do this. It's your choice, bud. You can choose to ignore our advice but we're trying to help you, here. Seeing her will not help the situation. She might miss you enough to agree to see you but in the end you asked her out for lunch, not her. If she really wants you, she would be the one initiating after NC, not you. I believe she is asking friends about you because she wants to know how you are dealing with the situation, if you are still suffering. This could be to feed her ego, or maybe she is worried or feels guilty about the way she treated you. This is why you shouldn't let her see you this way. You need to man up. I'm in the same boat as you my friend and I thought the same as you before, but it didn't help. You just need to let her go. Work on yourself and keep yourself occupied. 1
Author loveiswar101 Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 The reason I asked her is I know her well and she is as stubborn as a mule. I really do get what you saying. I look at it in I might get some light on our situation. I'm going with my gut, she is stubborn. Ive read lots on the net books etc. Ivé done some NC and I've also read if you don't somehow open communication, how will you communicate. It's a vicious circle..
pickflicker Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 The reason I asked her is I know her well and she is as stubborn as a mule. I really do get what you saying. I look at it in I might get some light on our situation. I'm going with my gut, she is stubborn. Ive read lots on the net books etc. Ivé done some NC and I've also read if you don't somehow open communication, how will you communicate. It's a vicious circle.. No, she doesn't need you to "fix" her. If she wants to be stubborn, let her be stubborn. I'm stubborn too. But my stubborness is not so all-encompassing as to keep me from the person I love. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. She broke up with you once before, yes? And now she's done it again. That's a pretty strong indicator of how she feels, stubborn or not. What you're doing is a viscious circle. It looks like people have said several times that pushing her and imposing yourself is going to drive her away, so I'll say it again and then leave you to it - you are absolutely on the path to ensuring that she'll definitely disappear from your life forever. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 i get it guys but date is made for tonight. ? why are you still talking to her?!?!?!?!? 1
True Gent Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 This is going to lead to yet more heartbreak for yourself. You really do just need to leave her alone. It's the only way she'll come back if (she) wants too. 3
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