Feeling Mixed

[Zephel]

Hi everyone, been a long time reader here but finally registered because I may need some help here.

 

Here's my story (I'll try to keep it short):

 

I'm 22. My Ex is now 19.

 

My ex of 2 years broke up with me in February because she left me for someone else (Guy 1). I did the whole shebang of begging, pleading, crying and whatnot until she initiated NC late March. Even then I stalked her blog and her Facebook profile (she removed me but we had mutual friends). She went NC in March, but broke NC a few times to send me songs that reminded her of me.

 

Anyway, Guy 1 was a total abusive, manipulative jack*** who took advantage of her and had her under his control. They broke up in May and she broke contact again and called me right after the break up (never apologized, just told me they broke up and she blamed herself for the breakup). I was just beginning the road to recovery, but I made the poor choice of trying to get her back thinking I had a chance. In the end, I got rejected once again as she had went back to Guy 1 after he had brought her a gift and apologized (which swooned her again). Soon after she initiated no contact at the end of May.

 

Throughout the summer he kept abusing her and then apologizing for it (abusive cycle). They even went as far as becoming FWB and also Guy 1 claiming he was the boyfriend without the title. During the summer she contacted me twice, once to see how I was doing, and the second in the middle of summer. She was crying a lot and apologizing for everything she did to me, and she told me all the things he did to her (insults, sex, etc.) and is now prone to anxiety attacks (she never had anxiety attacks when we were together). As dumb as I was, I forgave her (my fault because I lied to make her feel better, I never forgave her at the time).

 

It finally ended between them around August (he moved east for school) and she was well aware of how abusive he was at that point, but still had strong feelings for him.

 

This is where Guy 2 comes in. Guy 2 has been comforting her during her entire relationship with Guy 1. And they got together a week after Guy 1 moved (September). I let myself get strung along since August and then initiated NC in late September (that's when I found out about the relationship with Guy 2, but I was already suspicious). At that point, I was also already just tired of it all, emotionally drained, etc. She tried to contact me a couple of times throughout October, November, and December (wishing me luck on finals, first time I checked).

 

So December rolls around and I didn't hear from her on Christmas (which I was glad), but a couple of days after I get angry messages from her because she was upset with me never responding to her messages. This is when I caved and asked her what she wanted, to which she gave me a gift (a video game, I'm an avid gamer) and called me by the nickname she gave me. We had a small conversation after that (finals, etc.) and ended it with her saying it was nice catching up, had to wash the dishes, be back later, and never did respond after that.

 

Now, I just feel mixed about it. I know there's an itch in my heart telling me that feelings may be there, but my brain tells me to never trust her or take anything she says to heart. This is most likely a common question which I probably know the answer, but why is she contacting me and getting angry? Ego boost? Still cares?

 

Also her birthday is tomorrow, I'm probably not going to say anything, but I'm hoping she doesn't contact me about it.

 

More info to know:

 

She lives in San Diego, I live in LA. We had a somewhat LDR (I couldn't drive at the time (I do now), but I took the train every month to see her).

 

She broke up with me because her reasoning was she felt like she was in a relationship with herself (I admit, I became a doormat).

 

She's still in a relationship with Guy 2, which I think is not fair to both of us (I don't know if he knows she's contacting me or not). Though I think since I lied to her about forgiving her, she thinks we're okay or something, which I stated to her that we couldn't be friends when I initiated NC (September). I still haven't told her the truth.

 

When I initiated NC I was out of shape because of depression (I was 6 ft and over 200 lbs). I exercised my butt off and now weigh 168, learning guitar and practicing art again. I have MUCH more confidence in myself than our breakup, but I haven't started dating yet (I decided to start dating when I transfer to University).

 

Any responses would be nice. If you have any questions I'll try to answer as best I can.

 

Thanks for reading.

[TaraMaiden]

Now, I just feel mixed about it. I know there's an itch in my heart telling me that feelings may be there, but my brain tells me to never trust her or take anything she says to heart. This is most likely a common question which I probably know the answer, but why is she contacting me and getting angry? Ego boost? Still cares?

 

Just keep to complete No Contact (see my signature). There's no point agonising over this. She's immature and screwed up. Move on, and live your life.

[fixing]

I think you really got to move on m8. She has had two relationships whilst you have waited for her. She is also cheating on her guy 2, by messaging you and giving you presents.

 

She sounds very immature and a bit of a player.

 

Thats great that you have gotten back into shape. I reckon you should start dating again asap.

 

But for your ex, do no contact and completely ignore her (Even her birthday)

 

She has played and strung you along for far to long now.

 

 

NO CONTACT AND MOVE ON M8

[Zephel]

I have been moving on. I was just shaken and somewhat annoyed at why she would get upset when she should have noticed that I stopped responding to any of her attempts at contacting me until she threw a fit.

 

When she initiated NC on me during the first months of the breakup, her reasoning was because we had broken up, the second time she initiated NC she went cold turkey. Though I guess it doesn't matter since she kept breaking her own NC. Now she's been trying to contact me here and there after I initiated NC to heal.

 

But I guess that's it isn't it? She only contacts me whenever I cross her mind, which is only once or twice a month, I know I deserve better, but the past can be a dang magnet.

 

Anyway, I guess it's all done now, I'll go back to NC. I was doing well before, I can do well again.

[TaraMaiden]

Let her throw all the fits she wants. it's her wasted energy and money, and you don't need to do a thing. There is absolutely no obligation on your part to reply to her, in order to make her feel better.