TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 mano, if you're such a good catch (and I don't doubt that you are, at all), then why settle for this 'boy', exactly? How much further backwards are you going to bend, before you realise you're simply gazing at your own 'moon'....?
Author mano Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 I have beeen with him for 4 years, he is my first love. It is just that sometimes(very rarely) he is quite nice to me, that i start feeling like the good old days again. N just don't feel like letting go. No matter what i just always am hopeful that things will get better. I don't know but i never care about other guys or that i can do better.
shinealight Posted December 30, 2013 Posted December 30, 2013 Whenever i see someone unhappy in a relationship i just tell them do you want to be happy or miserable? Babe you don't sound happy atall and i reckon you could meet the man of ye dreams. People say oh it will get better but it never does, you cannot change people. Be strong and be happy and move on with ye life you are only young once so live ye life!
Author mano Posted December 30, 2013 Author Posted December 30, 2013 Whenever i see someone unhappy in a relationship i just tell them do you want to be happy or miserable? Babe you don't sound happy atall and i reckon you could meet the man of ye dreams. People say oh it will get better but it never does, you cannot change people. Be strong and be happy and move on with ye life you are only young once so live ye life! i know, you are right, i have been going through a tough time for the past 3 years because of this relationship and too much stress. It seems like letting go is the only option left. Yes, i am not happy. N i keep holding on to the very few moments or times we share. And keep hoping for the best.
TaraMaiden Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 mano, you know what they say: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." If what you're doing now, isn't working, then maybe it's really high time you thought about doing something completely different. I know, I know.... it's scary....'first love, will I ever find anyone, I don't want to be on my own....' all those kinds of thoughts.... Well I hate to say it, but if a relationship like this has brought you nothing but increased stress, then surely, being on your own for a while, getting to grips with 'who you are and what you want' will give you a chance to re-set your boundaries, and your levels of tolerance. And let's face it: you surely will find someone else, and someone else must surely be better than this - no?
Author mano Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I totally agree with you, and i give the same advice to others, but when you go through it yourself then one realizes how scary it is. I have taken breaks from this relation and in my time away i would always find myself feeling like myself, confident n setting boundaries and realizing how hard i was being on myself. And then again this guy would try to be nice and caring, n i would give in, n then the emotions kick in and i keep letting him go overboard and mistreating me. Same pattern, it is insanity, i agree. This time for sure i am taking a big step and will not settle for less. Thank you so much Tara for taking out the time and helping me out.
TaraMaiden Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 Manipulative, too. He only ever promised, and did, just enough to reel you back in. Once he had you back, he stopped making the effort; mission accomplished. Forgive me, but if he did that more than once, perhaps you were more needy than you thought. It's wonderful to be wanted and chased after. It's not so wonderful to be wanted and chased after, for self-serving reasons. You need to make a new year's resolution. Mano has the upper hand, from now on. (In case you were unaware, 'mano' is Italian for - 'hand'.....)
Author mano Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 Yes, manipulative as well. Done it quite a few times just to reel me back in and then again stopped making an effort. N yes i will agree i have become needy after this relation, and have co dependency issues as well. Mano is my pet name in family n yes i wasn't aware of its meaning
salparadise Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 God, no, i really am nnot soo full of myself, i never tried to make him feel bad, or showed that i don't like if he is overweight. Ask anyone around me, n they will tell you i am one of the most modest people they know. But i have come to realize that this relation and mistreatment totally made me lose myself as a person, feel inferior, my confidence was soo shattered that i became anti social. Just a couple of suggestions... 1. Don't take it too seriously when your friends are laying the flattery on thick. Try not to rely on external validation for your self-esteem. And try not to evaluate yourself comparatively or absolutely... i.e. the most, the best, always, the cutest, better than, etc. 2. If the relationship is dysfunctional then end it, but don't externalize how you feel about yourself by placing the responsibility on someone else. You have to take control of this, and take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. I'm not saying that a bad relationship can't erode your sense of self––that certainly happens in abusive relationships. What I'm saying is that if this is the case and you allow it to continue then it's your responsibility. It seems as though you have some work to do. Try and surround yourself with healthy people, validate from within, and resist the inclination to believe either harsh criticism or overt flattery, and rely more on your own judgment and reality testing ability.
Author mano Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I agree, and i have taken some time away from this relation to think over things and work on myself.
Lady2163 Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Yes. You deserve the best. Looks aren't everything and you seem willing to love him as he is, even though you could do better. I guess my question would be: why do you want to be with someone who mistreats you? I doubt that it is going to get better. He can get away with not texting or calling you back and letting you worry. He can put forth the least amount of effort and still have you twisting. I predict you will continue to give and he will continue to take. In some ways, he is "training" you to accept the least. I said there's more to a relationship than appearance. You've been with him for four years. Will he be able to get a good job? Will he be a good husband and father? Is he truly depressed or just when it suits him? He doesn't feel love? Will he be able to love and nurture children? He sounds selfish, but that could just be from your description.
Author mano Posted January 2, 2014 Author Posted January 2, 2014 Yes, i highly doubt if he will be a good husband , a nurturing father or be able to get a good job, he seems careless about everything. His own life and studies. I just miss the old caring,passionate ambitious guy he used to be. I wanted to think about it all properly and now i know what i gotta do. He clearly says that he knows he aint fair to me and that he takes me for granted and so much ,essy things. This person not normal anymore.
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