mano Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Hello every1, i have been in a rocky relationship for a long time now, TBH, im quite a good girl any1 would wanna be with. There are a hell lot of guys who like me n have asked me out, my friends n others say im the best person they know, i am sexy, hot, cute, extremely loyal n good natured, intelligent, everything a guy could ask for.. But my bf never seems to appreciate me. He himself has said that im the best person he has known, n im some1 worth fightin for n i deserve the best. But still he doesn't loves me or apreciates me the way i deserve. Its bad to say, but he himself is quite overweight, selfish, n not a perfect bf to b with n has hurt me multiple times. On the other hand i have always have a fair number of options like guys willing to get a chance with me, but i neva gave a damn cx im too sincere to my partner. Is it wrong of me to think i deserve better? Cux in the past i was just hell broken n lost all my confidence n felt inferior just cx this one guy would not see my worth.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 One: Avoid text-speak in posts. it's completely unnecessary and irritates the crap out of members. Two, break up. Find someone to your liking and do both him and you the favour. Then he can find someone who appreciates him without judgement too. Why make yourself carry on with someone you obviously have no respect for, and who sees you in the same vein? 4
Iguanna Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 To just answer your question, it's not wrong to think you deserve the best. Thing is to always have the maturity and be aware of the facts. It's way better and it's worth it more though that other people talk nicely about us and not we talk about ourselves. This comes out as arrogant. If your bf seems to you he's not enough, let him go.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I have always given him alot more than he deserves, n never thought of him in a negative manner. But almost everyone says all this to me. I am just taken for granted, no matter how much i do, n how much i appreciate him as well. I guess i should just take a big step now.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 You say your boyfriend has hurt you in the past - what happened? This would give us a clearer picture of the issues here. Also, it's perfectly healthy to expect good treatment in a relationship. The problem is that your post comes across as a little arrogant. You make yourself sound superior to your boyfriend on a superficial level. If he isn't what you want, break up with him. Finally, how old are you? Please use plain language when you post. Text language is annoying to no end and will affect how other poster perceive you 2
Sand Man Dan Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 If everything is as black and white as you've written, well obviously he's taking you for granted, so bounce. Respect is one of the 3 most important aspects of a relationship (for me at least) Respect Trust/Loyalty Love
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 If everything is as black and white as you've written, well obviously he's taking you for granted, so bounce. Respect is one of the 3 most important aspects of a relationship (for me at least) Respect Trust/Loyalty Love You're absolutely right about the respect and Trust. Loyalty is covered by Respect. Love is the essential quality supported by both Respect and Trust. The third essential component, or leg of the vital tripod, is COMMUNICATION. Without these three, Love is pointless, unrequited and has agendas which transform it into neediness and co-dependency. Is there an element of these last two, in your relationship, mano?
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Yes, sorry, i know, it definitely seemed quite arrogant and as if i am too self centered. but that is not the case. i have been extremely devoted to this guy. but that made him take me for granted. in that process of always loving him and compromising, i got badly hurt and lost my confidence. i hated myself and didn't love my life because this guy would keep mistreating me. in my time away from the relationship i tried to build my confidence again, see the bright side of life and evaluate myself as a person. people say u deserve alot better and that is what made me question over here that is it wrong to have a healthy respect for yourself and think you deserve better??
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 You say your boyfriend has hurt you in the past - what happened? This would give us a clearer picture of the issues here. Also, it's perfectly healthy to expect good treatment in a relationship. The problem is that your post comes across as a little arrogant. You make yourself sound superior to your boyfriend on a superficial level. If he isn't what you want, break up with him. Finally, how old are you? Please use plain language when you post. Text language is annoying to no end and will affect how other poster perceive you he is quite immature, would ditch me at times because would be under pressure from his family and studies and other issues, i have always stood by him through thick and thin. forgave and forgot everything, loved him dearly, and always always been there for him. when sad or angry, he would just blatantly ignore my texts and calls, leaving me dead worried and hell anxious. has depression issues. and sometimes comes off as being too narcissistic , taking out his frustration and anger on me. even when it is not my fault.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 You're absolutely right about the respect and Trust. Loyalty is covered by Respect. Love is the essential quality supported by both Respect and Trust. The third essential component, or leg of the vital tripod, is COMMUNICATION. Without these three, Love is pointless, unrequited and has agendas which transform it into neediness and co-dependency. Is there an element of these last two, in your relationship, mano? he has trust issues, and also says that he is not a good person who can love another with dearly. i have never broken his trust , and he knows i am too loyal to him, yet still. bad at communicating too, which makes it really hard, and mostly i am dealing with pain and hurt because i care too much
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 mano I was expecting you to be much younger. You're a bit old to be this influenced by your friends. Until they started telling to negative things about your BF, you were content. If you are now bothered by what you view as him taking you for granted, Have to discussed it with him? What -- exactly -- do you want him to do? Call more often? Tell you he loves you? Send you flowers? You have to be specific or it will just sound like you are whiney & spoiled. You can't say that you want him to lose weight. You wouldn't want somebody to say that about you & if a man did, everybody would tell you he's a jerk. If you are concerned about his health, you can suggest that you two spend more time together exercising.
Onethirtyeight Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Not every guy wants you. I wouldn't want a girl who's as full of herself as you are and uses text speak. I feel like that's pertinent because your attitude is so annoying. I really don't want to feed your ego. That said you have to decide if you want what you're getting and if what you want is attainable. What you feel you deserve has nothing to do with it.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 mano I was expecting you to be much younger. You're a bit old to be this influenced by your friends. I completely disagree. She's just 4 years, chronologically past being a minor, and frankly, I didn't consider myself to be mature to any acceptably adult degree until I was around 30. Mental and emotional maturity has absolutely NOTHING to do with a person's chronological age. mano, you both have pretty serious emotional issues which under scrutiny render you both individually insecure and co-dependent. You have - as I see it - 2 choices: Either get relationships counselling, or abandon this relationship and work on yourself. The first option, is probably too intense and laborious given your ages. At your age, things shouldn't be so intense and riddled with angst. And as he's only 20, he's actually streets behind you, on the 'maturity' level.... Frankly? Jeesh, all this drama would leave me exhausted. Why work this hard, at your age? Relationships should be fun!!
Christ is Love Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 You absolutely deserve the best!!! Just make sure you break off the relationship you have now before accepting the best. If that's what your heart and mind is telling you to do. Good luck.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 God, no, i really am nnot soo full of myself, i never tried to make him feel bad, or showed that i don't like if he is overweight. Ask anyone around me, n they will tell you i am one of the most modest people they know. I have been with him for over 4 years now. But i have come to realize that this relation and mistreatment totally made me lose myself as a person, feel inferior, my confidence was soo shattered that i became anti social. Just that now that i am working on myself too. Reading self help books and everything. I just feel a little better about myself. N also, whatever i said about myself, was not my opinion, it is what people around me say. That i am cute or nice etc.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I myself was feeling uncomfortable having such thoughts, that is why i posted a thread over here. I love him dearly, n always acccepted him for who he is. But despite me trying to be an ideal partner and being so caring and loving and everything i still feel it is just not enough for him, so that hurts a lil. In my post i compared myself to him in that way just to give an idea that i certainly am doing my part and being very supportive and making this relationship work. I try really hard but i mostly see carelessnes from the other side.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Tara's given you good advice. Is he meeting your emotional needs? It doesn't sound like it. He should be attentive, sweet, caring, polite, and passionate. He should physically engage you regularly. He should want to constantly improve himself to show you how much he cares about being the best he can be to you. He should respect you and make you feel wonderful about yourself. If he's not, well, decide if you are okay with that ultimately.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I completely disagree. She's just 4 years, chronologically past being a minor, and frankly, I didn't consider myself to be mature to any acceptably adult degree until I was around 30. Mental and emotional maturity has absolutely NOTHING to do with a person's chronological age. mano, you both have pretty serious emotional issues which under scrutiny render you both individually insecure and co-dependent. You have - as I see it - 2 choices: Either get relationships counselling, or abandon this relationship and work on yourself. The first option, is probably too intense and laborious given your ages. At your age, things shouldn't be so intense and riddled with angst. And as he's only 20, he's actually streets behind you, on the 'maturity' level.... Frankly? Jeesh, all this drama would leave me exhausted. Why work this hard, at your age? Relationships should be fun!! yes, that is what i think too, relationships are supposed to be fun and supportive and i usually find myself extremely anxious and bothered by all this, which affects my university studies as well. I will try talking to him in detail when things are calm. If not , then try moving on.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 mano I was expecting you to be much younger. You're a bit old to be this influenced by your friends. Until they started telling to negative things about your BF, you were content. If you are now bothered by what you view as him taking you for granted, Have to discussed it with him? What -- exactly -- do you want him to do? Call more often? Tell you he loves you? Send you flowers? You have to be specific or it will just sound like you are whiney & spoiled. You can't say that you want him to lose weight. You wouldn't want somebody to say that about you & if a man did, everybody would tell you he's a jerk. If you are concerned about his health, you can suggest that you two spend more time together exercising. i am not influenced by my friends opinions, they have always said the same for the past 4 years, i never cared. I don't have issues with being overweight either. I just love him the way he is. It is just that whenever i have tried to talk to him about me feeling this way, he gets too defensive and fights, gets extremely annoyed and says i am whining and fighting. And it leads to an arguement and an ill feeling between us. Because when things get little heated up and he loses his temper, he says some really harsh things.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 He's 20. He won't mature properly for a good few years yet. That, to me, would be unacceptable. if you've discussed this with him, to one degree or another, in one frame or another, then further dialogue is pointless.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Thank you all of you. I will try discussing it once more and then decide.
Author mano Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I think he needs to work on himself first, he is always having depression and trust issues. Says that he cannot feel love nor pain. Just so confused himself about everything.
Sand Man Dan Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I think he needs to work on himself first, he is always having depression and trust issues. Says that he cannot feel love nor pain. Just so confused himself about everything. Nobody is unable to feel love or pain unless they're lobotomized. This guys got you all messed up. He's immature forreal
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