Would you ever have a relationship w/someone who isn't willing to do anything sexual?

[TaraMaiden]

It's not confirmation nor denial,it's understanding.I understand that.I'm not judging and there's no need to either.But that being said I might even find myself falling for someone who's let's say "grade-A promiscuous".Who knows?Love never makes sense does it?

To OP,I'm not sure if you've seen the series Blue Mountain State but this thread reminded me in season one one of the players had a GF who always promoted chastity while getting it from others behind his back.I don't know your girl but make sure she is genuine about her beliefs if you can deal with what she's offering(no sx)

 

The OP is the lady in question, abstaining.....

[Sand Man Dan]

The OP is the lady in question, abstaining.....

 

I laughed so hard, srs

[jba10582]

It would be extremely difficult to fall in love with someone who did not want to fulfill a very basic human need, and, not sure I could ever develop those feelings on a deep level beyond friendship.

[stillafool]

I understand where everyone is coming from and this is exactly the type of input I wanted. Because I'm surrounded by people with like minded ideas I felt like I couldn't get a more accurate vision of the population if I were to date someone who did not share my religious and cultural views.

 

Why would you want to?

 

Are you finding it difficult finding a relationship that does not include sex in your current group?

[Ruby Slippers]

Lots of women come here asking the same question and I give the same answer: don't worry about most guys. Worry about finding a man who is compatible with you.

 

That is what dating is about. It's really not appealing to "most" people but finding people who are a match for you.

 

That said: try to date men who also believe as you do, that is the ONLY way you'll be able to be authentic.

MissBee is spot on as always!

 

A man who really cares about you and loves you, and is on the same wavelength of beliefs about the sanctity of sex, will respect your boundaries and beliefs. You'll be smart to bypass the ones who are on a different wavelength.

[mutualove]

The OP is the lady in question, abstaining.....

Good for her:laugh:

[KathyM]

I know many couples who are dating and abstaining from sex for religious reasons. They are perfectly able to build emotional intimacy without bringing sex into the picture. I know many married couples who abstained from sex before marriage for religious reasons, and are happily married. People build emotional intimacy mainly through sharing of one's thoughts, dreams, emotions, interests, beliefs. As other posters have said, look for a match who shares your perspective and beliefs. Don't compromise your values, beliefs or ideals for the sake of some guy. Find a guy who shares your values, beliefs and ideals. There are actually many of them out there. You just have to look in the right places.

[Els]

I guess the solution would be to try to date within the population with similar beliefs but sometimes that is difficult as well.

 

Why the difficulty? Could you elaborate?

 

I'll be honest, aside from people with similar beliefs, you really are not going to be compatible with most people, especially if you live in a Western country. Heck, even in the country I was born in (religious and conservative), most young folks end up doing heavy petting and oral sex before marriage, even if they wait much longer than most others (over a year, usually), and abstain from intercourse. Your brand of abstinence is even less common than the usual sort. Hence the suggestions by some of us to make similar beliefs a priority in seeking a partner.

[Sand Man Dan]

So this type of girl is fine with kissing and making out but no sexual activity (heavy petting, oral, sex, etc)--basically PG13:o. Other physical contact is all ok but nothing below the belt type of thing. Do most people see this as a deal breaker?

 

Do you see that other components of a relationship are more important than the sex or is sex the main part of a relationship between a man and a woman? Today's media and society make sex out to be the highlight of all relationships...and it seems most people are not willing to develop a relationship with another if they are not willing to be sexually active.

 

I am speaking as a early-mid 20s, relatively inexperienced woman with religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage. I am smart, driven, have an attractive face and fit body, and I am also family oriented. I am stable emotionally and psychologically and I know I can provide everything except the sex/ sexual acts.

 

My question is, will most guys run from this? Especially if they are in their mid to late 20s without marriage on the brain for at least the next 5 years? I am not looking to get married any time soon either but I do want to have a relationship where I can share my life with a significant other but without the sexual activity being involved.

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship? Can't we develop love for each other without the sex? Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity? I know I am very naive so any input about the "real world" would be appreciated.

 

 

 

Basically how you describe yourself is what my ideal woman would be...minus the sex! I think that there is a certain element of necessity to see how sexually compatible you two are. Because for me, frequent, quality sex is vital to a stable healthy relationship.

 

I love the fact that you'd want to develop a relationship with someone first. That's what I did with my virginity and my first GF, but when I knew I was falling for her...I gave it up because it still meant something.

 

You need to discover how sex with a specific someone makes you feel, the nuances, how it can bring an awesome developing relationship to that "omfg I can't believe how amazingly strong my feelings are for you now that we have taken it to the next level"

 

I would totally date you, as your values are astoundingly rare for an attractive woman your age, and they line up with mine flawlessly. Except that one thing. So there ARE men whom would take on the challenge. I personally would wait about 6 months and if I wasn't able to gently, lovingly, respectfully sway your feelings, I would have to leave probably.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hell no, I wouldn't.

[MrNate 2.0]

Who would do this to themselves?

[nomadic_butterfly]

So this type of girl is fine with kissing and making out but no sexual activity (heavy petting, oral, sex, etc)--basically PG13:o. Other physical contact is all ok but nothing below the belt type of thing. Do most people see this as a deal breaker?

 

Do you see that other components of a relationship are more important than the sex or is sex the main part of a relationship between a man and a woman? Today's media and society make sex out to be the highlight of all relationships...and it seems most people are not willing to develop a relationship with another if they are not willing to be sexually active.

 

I am speaking as a early-mid 20s, relatively inexperienced woman with religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage. I am smart, driven, have an attractive face and fit body, and I am also family oriented. I am stable emotionally and psychologically and I know I can provide everything except the sex/ sexual acts.

 

My question is, will most guys run from this? Especially if they are in their mid to late 20s without marriage on the brain for at least the next 5 years? I am not looking to get married any time soon either but I do want to have a relationship where I can share my life with a significant other but without the sexual activity being involved.

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship? Can't we develop love for each other without the sex? Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity? I know I am very naive so any input about the "real world" would be appreciated.

 

Sexual compatibility is indeed a deal breaker. I am trying to remain celibate b/c of my faith and I am marriage minded so I only date the same. I am on the fence about some things b/c I pretty much do everything but intercourse. Once you have sex it is very hard to stop and I have a very high libido and I need to know that his man parts are functioning before marriage. I need lots of affection too. Sexually selfish people are usually selfish otherwise too and good communication and fully functioning bodies = great sex. The two should also discuss boundaries and what they like BEFORE marriage especially if they are not virgins; that's a surprise I WOULDN'T like!!

 

Someone this religious should find it easier to seek someone of similar values but I've met some Christian men who don't want to wait until marriage. These same men weren't ready for marriage anyway so yes it is pointless for two people not ready to be married to be celibate and dating.

 

No sex lessens the blow if you break up because sex creates a soul tie and for people of faith it is also spiritual too. No sex means usually only serious suitors really looking to get hitched would date you and remain faithful. You can be emotionally intimate and really love someone for who they are inside (not that this doesn't happen with some sexually active couples) and not have lust/infatuation leading to confusion like sex does for a lot of folks.

 

I doubt I could date someone for more than 2+ yrs without intercourse especially if we're madly in love. Be reasonable :-)

Edited December 30, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly

[freetolove]

yes, you can find someone with similar values.

[Conners]

I wouldn't expect a male to stick around until marriage. what if she turns out to be a starfish and by then you are stuck with her haha

[Aquanut]

Speaking as someone who once intended to be a virgin until marriage...

You're a human being. As you develop emotional intimacy you will find it extremely hard not to have sex. We are hard-wired for that. My first gf had similar values. We progressed from kissing, to necking, to petting, to oral sex over about 6 months or so. We never had intercourse in the two years we were together though.

[BillJJ]

It sounds like she might be asexual. One of the guys I work with is married to an asexual women and they have been together for 8 years and he doesn't care if they never have sex anymore because he loves her so it depends on the guy.

 

My first girlfriend wanted us to save ourselves for marriage and if she had decided she never wanted sex I would have stayed with her.

[OpheliaSong]

There is someone out there who shares these values, so that is the man you search for. Don't worry about what others are doing. To thine own self be true.

[Eclypse]

Sorry I'll have to join the general chorus! As a 23 year old male I wouldn't date someone who didn't want to have sex for years. I was stuck in years in a relationship with very little sex. The resentment just grew until I left her. Sex is just so much fun!

 

That said, I'm certain you'll find guys who will want to wait, it just might be a bit more difficult.

[regine_phalange]

We wouldnt be compatible at all.

[slightly_unusual]

is the OP referring to a particular sexual act they wont engage in or are they saying they wont engage in any kind of sexual act full stop ?

 

 

 

 

personally I would not care if a girl was not willing to perform oral on me but I would insist that they allow me perform oral on them