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Would you ever have a relationship w/someone who isn't willing to do anything sexual?

Mindi1213

By Mindi1213
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Mindi1213 New Member

Mindi1213

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So this type of girl is fine with kissing and making out but no sexual activity (heavy petting, oral, sex, etc)--basically PG13:o. Other physical contact is all ok but nothing below the belt type of thing. Do most people see this as a deal breaker?

 

Do you see that other components of a relationship are more important than the sex or is sex the main part of a relationship between a man and a woman? Today's media and society make sex out to be the highlight of all relationships...and it seems most people are not willing to develop a relationship with another if they are not willing to be sexually active.

 

I am speaking as a early-mid 20s, relatively inexperienced woman with religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage. I am smart, driven, have an attractive face and fit body, and I am also family oriented. I am stable emotionally and psychologically and I know I can provide everything except the sex/ sexual acts.

 

My question is, will most guys run from this? Especially if they are in their mid to late 20s without marriage on the brain for at least the next 5 years? I am not looking to get married any time soon either but I do want to have a relationship where I can share my life with a significant other but without the sexual activity being involved.

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship? Can't we develop love for each other without the sex? Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity? I know I am very naive so any input about the "real world" would be appreciated.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
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I would not be able to stay with a woman more than a couple of months if she kept things PG-13.

 

Why would I possibly want to stay with a woman I can't do anything with, when there are many out there would be willing and eager to?

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
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My question is, will most guys run from this?

I'm a woman approaching 50 and I believe most guys would run from this, yes. And I would recommend they run from it.

 

I am not looking to get married any time soon either but I do want to have a relationship where I can share my life with a significant other but without the sexual activity being involved.

Why? Sounds like you don't want anything other than friends that you occasionally kiss.

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship?

Not that I can think of.

 

Can't we develop love for each other without the sex?

Of course you can. And there are a lot of people who develop these types of relationships but they are often not long-lasting (i.e., lifelong) because at some point, one person begins to think, "what have I missed out on?"

 

Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity?

You can be emotionally intimate, but without the sexual activity, how do you know if you are truly and fully compatible? For me, this is the crux of your situation; what you want IS possible but will be very, very difficult to find. In truth, I think it would best be established with someone who is mostly asexual, but when/if you become sexually active, you might find yourself married to someone who can't or won't satisfy you.

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pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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Flipping the gender roles, if a guy asked me for this kind of relationship, the answer would be a no.

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

 

I am speaking as a early-mid 20s, relatively inexperienced woman with religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage. I am smart, driven, have an attractive face and fit body, and I am also family oriented. I am stable emotionally and psychologically and I know I can provide everything except the sex/ sexual acts.

 

My question is, will most guys run from this? .

 

Most guys? Yes.

 

Your objective should be to find a partner within your circle of like-minded individuals (religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage) and focus on building a relationship this way.

 

Sorted.

 

Anything else, would be totally unfair on any guy who does not think on your precise wavelength. Sooner or later, it's a deal-breaker.

  • Like 6
BikerAccnt Established Member

BikerAccnt

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Yes, I'd run from it.

 

I actually ran from a marriage due to a lack of sexual activity! So there's no way I'd continue to go out with someone who didn't want to have sex, especially if I had no plans for marriage in the cards.

Els Established Member

Els

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Simple answer: Seek guys with similar religious values.

 

Your version of abstinence seems rather extreme (no heavy petting?!) even for most religious folks, but out of the billions of people in this world, I'm sure at least a few are similar to you.

  • Like 2
emva07 Established Member

emva07

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Yes... If there is a guy who is willing to not he would doso with the intention of marriage and having a virgin bride. But you aren't even trying to get married. What's the point to a guy?

 

Also. If you are that religious. You shouldn't even be thinking of other ways of getting intimate or trying to please a man.

mutualove Established Member

mutualove

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It's not about religion at all guys.It's about the person himself.

For instance the reason I said I would is because I don't make a relationship all about sex unlike many of the people here and in this world.I have a 26 year old female friend who has been an atheist for a long time now but says the only man she's going to share her body with is the one she's gonna spend her rest of her life.

So it's up to you and what your priorities are in a relationship.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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It's not about religion at all guys.It's about the person himself.

For instance the reason I said I would is because I don't make a relationship all about sex unlike many of the people here and in this world. I have a 26 year old female friend who has been an atheist for a long time now but says the only man she's going to share her body with is the one she's gonna spend her rest of her life.

So it's up to you and what your priorities are in a relationship.

 

So you see, even you realise that people like you are in the distinct minority.

Hence my advice to the OP to seek like-minded individuals within a social circle she is familiar with. because for "many people here and in this world", what she wants is unacceptable.

  • Like 1
felicity1 Established Member

felicity1

Posted
Posted

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship? Can't we develop love for each other without the sex? Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity? I know I am very naive so any input about the "real world" would be appreciated.

 

 

There are other erogenous zones eg ears, wrists, back of knees, nipples etc. Look them up.

 

In my opinion there is no such thing as "real world". We each have our own beliefs/practices and no one should folllow anyone else b/c the the "real world" tells them to.

 

You uphold your beliefs(as long as you are not going to harm anyone or yourself) just like other people uphold theirs.

 

Rather than trying to bend yourself to fit another's rules, find a man who loves you for who you are, perhaps a man from your religious/cultural community.

theonlyjuan Established Member

theonlyjuan

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Nope, would get frustrated and bored.

 

To me, without anything sexual you are just close friends.

  • Like 6
Onethirtyeight Established Member

Onethirtyeight

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I'm a guy in my 20's and I'd run if I couldn't do anything sexual. I could live without actual sex if you're really worth it but without at any sort of action(use your imagination) I'd be gone. IMO its not an important part of a relationship but sexual release is an important part of life.

 

I'd say you're only option is find some church boy and maybe you can work something out.

theothersully Established Member

theothersully

Posted
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Would definitely run.

 

I could understand the no sex part, but most religious types that do this abstinence thing give killer bjs and hjs to make up for it.... which works out in my book.

 

I say bend the rules a little bit if you want to keep a guy around.

  • Like 1
Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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Find a man from another culture, where many women are like you. In many cultures, if the boyfriend even expresses desire to have sex before marriage, he is dumped on the spot. Go for guys in rural areas.

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Mindi1213 New Member

Mindi1213

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I understand where everyone is coming from and this is exactly the type of input I wanted. Because I'm surrounded by people with like minded ideas I felt like I couldn't get a more accurate vision of the population if I were to date someone who did not share my religious and cultural views.

 

I definitely would be engaging in sexual aciviry after marriage and so an asexual person probably won't itr the bill. I guess the solution would be to try to date within the population with similar beliefs but sometimes that is difficult as well. But the fact that people did tend to get married earlier in the past where similar beliefs were upheld is a good point. I still see younger people with more intense religious beliefs getting married earlier than the general population. But then again, my choice stems from my personal beliefs that have been influenced by religion and culture, not just because I am religious. Just wanted to make that clear.

 

Any more input or opinions are still appreciated.

mutualove Established Member

mutualove

Posted
Posted
So you see, even you realise that people like you are in the distinct minority.

Hence my advice to the OP to seek like-minded individuals within a social circle she is familiar with. because for "many people here and in this world", what she wants is unacceptable.

 

Should I read that with a sarcastic tone?

Ok so you're saying you decide what's acceptable and what's not in this world??Because if it were me I would have said I respect her decision just as I respect other people's decisions.

And no one's going to deny sex has become an obsession in today's world.But I guess "people like me" don't make that a sole factor when it comes to relationships.

Sand Man Dan Established Member

Sand Man Dan

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Of course, I have many friends.

  • Like 1
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

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I'd be fine with it...if she was fine with me doing sexual things with other women.

 

 

For most men, this is beyond a dealbreaker. You'll need to find someone who shares your values, and even then...people change, and grow, and have needs.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted (edited)
Should I read that with a sarcastic tone?

Ok so you're saying you decide what's acceptable and what's not in this world??Because if it were me I would have said I respect her decision just as I respect other people's decisions.

And no one's going to deny sex has become an obsession in today's world.But I guess "people like me" don't make that a sole factor when it comes to relationships.

 

No, no, no, no, no....!

 

No sarcasm or criticism intended! I was merely pointing out that in fact, you (sadly?) confirmed what many of us had recommended, for those very reasons!

Edited by TaraMaiden
fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted

I'm ok with it, but under certain circumstances.

 

I'm sexually inexperienced myself, so I'd be worried we'd be "stunting each other's growth" so to speak...

mutualove Established Member

mutualove

Posted
Posted
No, no, no, no, no....!

 

No sarcasm or criticism intended! I was merely pointing out that in fact, you (sadly?) confirmed what many of us had recommended, for those very reasons!

 

It's not confirmation nor denial,it's understanding.I understand that.I'm not judging and there's no need to either.But that being said I might even find myself falling for someone who's let's say "grade-A promiscuous".Who knows?Love never makes sense does it?

To OP,I'm not sure if you've seen the series Blue Mountain State but this thread reminded me in season one one of the players had a GF who always promoted chastity while getting it from others behind his back.I don't know your girl but make sure she is genuine about her beliefs if you can deal with what she's offering(no sx)

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
So this type of girl is fine with kissing and making out but no sexual activity (heavy petting, oral, sex, etc)--basically PG13:o. Other physical contact is all ok but nothing below the belt type of thing. Do most people see this as a deal breaker?

 

Do you see that other components of a relationship are more important than the sex or is sex the main part of a relationship between a man and a woman? Today's media and society make sex out to be the highlight of all relationships...and it seems most people are not willing to develop a relationship with another if they are not willing to be sexually active.

 

I am speaking as a early-mid 20s, relatively inexperienced woman with religious and family values that do not promote sexual activity until after marriage. I am smart, driven, have an attractive face and fit body, and I am also family oriented. I am stable emotionally and psychologically and I know I can provide everything except the sex/ sexual acts.

 

My question is, will most guys run from this? Especially if they are in their mid to late 20s without marriage on the brain for at least the next 5 years? I am not looking to get married any time soon either but I do want to have a relationship where I can share my life with a significant other but without the sexual activity being involved.

 

Are there any substitutes to the sex component of a relationship? Can't we develop love for each other without the sex? Can't you be intimate without the sexual activity? I know I am very naive so any input about the "real world" would be appreciated.

 

Lots of women come here asking the same question and I give the same answer: don't worry about most guys. Worry about finding a man who is compatible with you.

 

That is what dating is about. It's really not appealing to "most" people but finding people who are a match for you.

 

I do think most men (and women) want sex to be a part of their relationship, some very early on, while there are others who see things differently. I am always shocked at religious women/men trying to date people who aren't or people who are not religious dating someone religious when it seems clear that your values will be at odds. Like you, there are men who also have similar religious and family values who will respect that. My brother and his wife for example, she was a virgin when they married, she was 30 and they had been together 5 years. Lord knows I'm not sure how that happened, and he wasn't a virgin but was celibate. They both had the same values and waited for marriage. I also know 4 other couples who are this way. It's not super common but it's also not impossible or that rare, as there are in fact many people who adhere strongly to their religious principles. That said: try to date men who also believe as you do, that is the ONLY way you'll be able to be authentic.

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