SilverlinedCloud Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) Hey guys so I know a few of you had been following my NC thread.. The Struggle To Maintain NC I basically got to +100 Days, even changed my number n then Christmas happened, so i ended up breaking it. While I do no regret breaking it, I was hurt, but it was the final hurt and a different kind of confirmation I needed. This is how I think I let go. I text him merry Christmas and said I was thinking of him, when he responded I started crying, crying because even before a conversation ensues I tried to remain good hearted no neutral and hoped he would see and understand that... Maybe a little under the impression of hope of even the breadcrumb maybe a potential friendship? He seemed happy to hear from me and made a point of saying he had been He used the time to tell me just how well he's doing and that we should meet up, I was enthused at the idea and then the rest of the night he ignored my response. It never got personal or about the past. I should have left it there. That's all that needed to be said. I didn't. The next day my curiosity got me and text him to follow up. After a lot of random meaningless small talk and me feeling awkward at his responses out of nowhere he starts talking about what all these other girls have been doing to get his attention and also saying what they want to do to him sexually and "what do you say to that" In my head I asked myself "why is this information you would so happily" share with someone whom still loves you and that they assumed you loved them too. I kept cool and responded back like a "buddy" Then it hit me. This is what's on offer. I broke NC for this? I feel like ****- just like how I did when we were in a relationship. I'm not dealing with that caring man i first saw, someone whom was genuinely concerned about where we went wrong. I was dealing with the same insensitive, unavailable tactless individual he became as we were tearing in two different directions. I know I'm selfish to think that he still had love for me and that was my projection etc etc. But breaking NC in order to see what the real deal was, was just about enough for me to know that my heart n my head were in the right enough place. It's just I fooled myself for the purpose of giving benefit of the doubt and I got dealt the same hand from the same joker. He was happy I took my own bait. What he did, was set me free. Suddenly, I no longer felt angst or physical tension in my body, it just released, the thoughts I was so desperately intensifying and hanging onto became afterthoughts. For the first time in a long time I got a good nights sleep and today I was able to see the real beauty in being who I am and remembering who I was before I still have a way to go until my heart is fully healed and I'm sure ill have up and down days but for the most part, I've closed the book and I see how much I've missed out on. Ill be single for a while but the next relationship of ever is going to be one of enhancement and not completion. For anyone who is struggling with NC. Youre in a place of experience and incredible advice I'm not endorsing anything but sometimes you have to follow your own heart in order to either restablish your morals .. And to see if what happened with someone else can happen to you or not. You hold the key to your salvation, redefine what's important post relationship and know you were in a great state before your ex came into your life. Now it's time to find him again. Develop pastimes, trust your instincts and know it will work out okay! People do change fortunately and unfortunately, and you will find that sometimes you are going to be better off as individuals finding your way instead of treading the path together. If it leads you to each other again that's incredible. It's still incredible of it doesn't. Look at what and who else you can meet and experience. I have faith everyone will come through their heartbreak and once they do, they can help someone else too. Edited December 29, 2013 by SilverlinedCloud 3
Insanityisdoingsame Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Good for you. So what you broke NC. Now you have gained valuable insight on what type of person he is. Heck in a way I'm glad you broke NC in this situation, because if you didn't maybe you would still have that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach, over thinking about the man he "was" Life is truly beautiful. And if someone wants to be a part of yours then they will make the effort. Have a freakin dope New Years!
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