Need some serious cannot deal with this pain anymore

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

Basically im 24 my ex is 23 she left me 2weeks ago for another guy who is 29. My grandad died a day after my birthday in september n i didnt deal with it well. I stoppd paying my girl as much attention as i did before n kinda pushd her away i suppose didnt really talk to her or anyone about how i was feeling. I just blank everything out n felt sorry for myself for weeks.

 

She obvi started to find attention from nxt guys. On her birthday the14th december she told me she was goin on a girls night out n would stay at hers mates house i thought it was a bit weird cz she always want to **** back to mine after a night out. I found out the next day she didnt go out with her mates she went n met the guy she is with now. I askd her n she said no i went out with girls, she later admittd it to me but said nothing happend she slept on sofa.

 

I told her that i understand i hadnt been paying her alot of attention and things will go back to how they use to be i was just not dealing with the death of my grandad well. She said ok we'll see how things go. The nxt day wen she got in from work i run here a bath with candles n rose petals we got in it together and i gave her a massage n just spoke it was so nice. The next day wen she got in from work a run here a bath n we had a nice night together.

 

The next morning wen she was at work she txt me sayin i **** do this anymore i dont want to be with you n she didnt feel the same about me anymore. I knew she obvi had feelings for that guy but she kept deining it. I dne all the wrong things beggd n pleded with her but she said she doesnt want to be with me. This was on tues 17th december that sat she went n stayed at his gor 2nights.

 

Now he is basicslly with him now staying at his all the time even stayed there on christmas eve. I just dont understand how she has moved on so quick while im here still thinking about every minute of everyday i love her so much i sit her and i actually feel sick knowing shes prob lying in his bed right now.

I dont really have no one i can talk to about this. Shes was my world for 3yrs i kinda left my friends for her now they dont want to know me n i dnt blame them. I know im not copeing well i have thought about just ending it all i cant deal with the pain n hurt i feel like such a fool

 

I really just want to know how she can move on so quick did i not mean anything to her and if theres anyone out there that can talk to me and help me out i would apprecate it.

Edited December 29, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[pickflicker]

I would look into making some new friends, and not abandoning them when you meet a new girl. This is a wonderful opportunity to start again, meet some new people, find some new interests, etc.

 

Good luck.

[Mariposa10]

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much. You've come to the right place because the majority of us know how you feel right now.

 

Sounds like she checked out of the relationship long time ago. Some people think that every breakup is the same, but I disagree. It's way more painful when your ex has someone already lined up waiting for them. It makes you question everything about your self-esteem, the relationship, etc.

 

You need to let time do its thing. Have you thought about getting new hobbies? Making new friends?

 

Every time you feel like texting your ex, come vent here instead.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Just try and remember that this will pass with time. Try to keep yourself busy and preoccupied with other things and activities. Maybe join a meetup group or find events in your area. Don't think about what she's doing. Think about positive things that you want to do. Try to get out and meet new people.

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

I do need to meet new people i just dont know how to go about making new friends. As im not the most confident guy. I wouldnt just start talking to someone i dont know. What is the best way to make new friends?

I cant even sleep she is just constantly on my mind i'm finding it so hard to just get her of my mind. Its like a part of me is missing i feel empty.

[Mariposa10]

When my ex and I recently broke up. I had insomnia. I would cry every where. My life was hell. I lost my appetite (something that had never happened before). I even started experiencing panic attacks!

It was like being in hell. But now I feel waaaaay better! I can finally fall asleep just like I used. My appetite is back. Panic attacks? They're completely gone.

 

My point is: there's light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I'm a shy girl, but I have started talking to people whenever I have a chance. Classmates I would never talk to, I talk to now. I have started re-connecting with friends, catching up. Have you tried hanging out with all friends??

 

 

 

 

I do need to meet new people i just dont know how to go about making new friends. As im not the most confident guy. I wouldnt just start talking to someone i dont know. What is the best way to make new friends?

I cant even sleep she is just constantly on my mind i'm finding it so hard to just get her of my mind. Its like a part of me is missing i feel empty.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I do need to meet new people i just dont know how to go about making new friends. As im not the most confident guy. I wouldnt just start talking to someone i dont know. What is the best way to make new friends?

I cant even sleep she is just constantly on my mind i'm finding it so hard to just get her of my mind. Its like a part of me is missing i feel empty.

 

Have you tried meetup.com? I had a friend that moved to a new area for work. He signed up on that site and start joining all kinds of groups on the weekends and meeting new people for various activities. You can find a lot of things in your area and the people you meet already have a shared interest.

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

I know exactly what you mean i havent eaten properly in days, im just like a shell of who i use to be.

I have spoke to sum of my friends but their attidude is now you want to know us when your girl f****d u over n u have no one. Tbh i dont feel i really fit into that circle anymore.

I am looking at this as a fresh start but i just feel lost right now dnt know where to go what to do to meet new people. I will take every oppurtunty i get to talk to people i get.

How long did it take you to feel better n get back on track?

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

Have you tried meetup.com? I had a friend that moved to a new area for work. He signed up on that site and start joining all kinds of groups on the weekends and meeting new people for various activities. You can find a lot of things in your area and the people you meet already have a shared interest.

No i havent tried meetup.com but i will have a look at that site. Thanks i hadn't heard of that before. Sounds like it could help me out alot.

[Mariposa10]

If your friends are acting that way, they're not the people you want to have around. They should be there to support, you not make you feel bad.

 

 

I started feeling better after four months had passed. However, I still had really bad days every now and then, but nothing compared to the first 2 months. There are different stages one goes through when dealing with a breakup.

 

Mine were: denial (when I suffered the most), depression, anger and finally acceptance.

 

 

 

 

I know exactly what you mean i havent eaten properly in days, im just like a shell of who i use to be.

I have spoke to sum of my friends but their attidude is now you want to know us when your girl f****d u over n u have no one. Tbh i dont feel i really fit into that circle anymore.

I am looking at this as a fresh start but i just feel lost right now dnt know where to go what to do to meet new people. I will take every oppurtunty i get to talk to people i get.

How long did it take you to feel better n get back on track?

[pickflicker]

If your friends are acting that way, they're not the people you want to have around. They should be there to support, you not make you feel bad.

 

 

I started feeling better after four months had passed. However, I still had really bad days every now and then, but nothing compared to the first 2 months. There are different stages one goes through when dealing with a breakup.

 

Mine were: denial (when I suffered the most), depression, anger and finally acceptance.

 

Well, he said that he abandoned his friends for the girlfriend and them attempted to reconnect with the friends after the relationship ended.

 

I have to agree with the friends. I had a friend do the same thing to me - she got a bf and suddenly I didn't exist. The relationship went south, she wanted to be friends again and I told her to get lost.

 

You don't abandon your friends for someone who is giving you sex. That's a low move. But, the OP had learned a valuable lesson. He now knows it's crucial to maintain friendships even when you're in a relationship.

 

Meetup sounds like a great idea.

[Mariposa10]

I always criticize people who stop hanging out with their friends because of their new boyfriend and girlfriend. In my opinion, they look really insecure. However, a couple of friends have done that with me. But, if any of my friends came back with a broken heart, I would never treat them badly. I would be there for them.

 

One of my friends stopped talking to me completely. As soon as he got a girlfriend, he disappeared. But if he needed a shoulder to cry on, I would be there for him, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. I do not consider him one of my best friends, like he used to be. But I wouldn't have the heart to ignore him while he was going through hell. Even if it hurt to see that our friendship was not as importnat as it was for me. I am genuinely happy he had found love.

 

 

 

Well, he said that he abandoned his friends for the girlfriend and them attempted to reconnect with the friends after the relationship ended.

 

I have to agree with the friends. I had a friend do the same thing to me - she got a bf and suddenly I didn't exist. The relationship went south, she wanted to be friends again and I told her to get lost.

 

You don't abandon your friends for someone who is giving you sex. That's a low move. But, the OP had learned a valuable lesson. He now knows it's crucial to maintain friendships even when you're in a relationship.

 

Meetup sounds like a great idea.

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

It wasnt so much i abandoned them it was i just wasnt seeing them everyday like i use to. I would still go and meet them just not as much but it got to the point where we didnt have that much in common anymore i was growing up n maturing and they werent.

Ive known most of them for over ten years and wen they got into relationships i wudnt see some of them for ages but i wud never turn my back on any of them if they needed me.

Edited December 29, 2013 by heartbrokenNRTHLDN

[CDubs464]

I'm sorry to hear you are in this painful place right now... it sounds like life is sending you challenges left and right and for whatever reason... you are meant to experience a tremendous amount of loss. Sometimes, when the universe takes away all of our support systems, it is telling us that it is time to be alone... time to spend with and on ourselves. This doesn't mean you should isolate or cut yourself off. On the contrary... being comfortable with yourself in this vulnerable state and reaching out for help to friends, family, a therapist, counselor, spiritual advisor... whomever... is a testament to your bravery and a reflection of your love you hold for yourself. I was dumped almost four weeks ago and have been NC with my ex for a little over 3 weeks. It is so hard to do but going through this pain, and not around it, is, I believe, helping me heal faster. Furthermore, I believe that the only way there could be any chance for reconciliation with my ex is to give him his space to get his head on straight and in the mean time, work through my own stuff in therapy and better myself through physical exercise and meditation (to learn how to control my thoughts, instead of letting them control me). It is hard. It is work. It's like working out for the first few times when you are out of shape... but... IT DOES GET EASIER. If I see or hear from my ex again, I will be looking and feeling fabulous and healthy. I will feel better about myself. I will have processed the pain of the loss. To be honest, each day that goes by, I want to get back together less and less. Take this time to yourself to reconnect yourself, love yourself, support yourself. Reach out to who you can and if you've lost friends to the relationship, that is ok. We all do that in this life. Reach out... the ones who really love you will understand and be there. It will be ok... one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. All the best.

[heartbrokenNRTHLDN]

I'm sorry to hear you are in this painful place right now... it sounds like life is sending you challenges left and right and for whatever reason... you are meant to experience a tremendous amount of loss. Sometimes, when the universe takes away all of our support systems, it is telling us that it is time to be alone... time to spend with and on ourselves. This doesn't mean you should isolate or cut yourself off. On the contrary... being comfortable with yourself in this vulnerable state and reaching out for help to friends, family, a therapist, counselor, spiritual advisor... whomever... is a testament to your bravery and a reflection of your love you hold for yourself. I was dumped almost four weeks ago and have been NC with my ex for a little over 3 weeks. It is so hard to do but going through this pain, and not around it, is, I believe, helping me heal faster. Furthermore, I believe that the only way there could be any chance for reconciliation with my ex is to give him his space to get his head on straight and in the mean time, work through my own stuff in therapy and better myself through physical exercise and meditation (to learn how to control my thoughts, instead of letting them control me). It is hard. It is work. It's like working out for the first few times when you are out of shape... but... IT DOES GET EASIER. If I see or hear from my ex again, I will be looking and feeling fabulous and healthy. I will feel better about myself. I will have processed the pain of the loss. To be honest, each day that goes by, I want to get back together less and less. Take this time to yourself to reconnect yourself, love yourself, support yourself. Reach out to who you can and if you've lost friends to the relationship, that is ok. We all do that in this life. Reach out... the ones who really love you will understand and be there. It will be ok... one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. All the best.

I do understand it will get better in time and i just need to work on improving myself n gettin on with my life and i might get to the point where i dont want her back. But i can never see myself not loving her i literaly pictured us being together forever i thought we would get married have kids and have everything together. I never thought see wud lie n be so horrible to me. But no matter how many times i think about her with another guy behind my back i still cant stop loving her or wanting her here with me. I dont know how people are so strong they can just move on n forget about the love they have/had for someone they lost. It seems like things will never get better. Its 5.20am and i havent slept in 2days. My brains just in overtime.

[pickflicker]

I always criticize people who stop hanging out with their friends because of their new boyfriend and girlfriend. In my opinion, they look really insecure. However, a couple of friends have done that with me. But, if any of my friends came back with a broken heart, I would never treat them badly. I would be there for them.

 

One of my friends stopped talking to me completely. As soon as he got a girlfriend, he disappeared. But if he needed a shoulder to cry on, I would be there for him, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. I do not consider him one of my best friends, like he used to be. But I wouldn't have the heart to ignore him while he was going through hell. Even if it hurt to see that our friendship was not as importnat as it was for me. I am genuinely happy he had found love.

 

I think it's all about having boundaries. I want people in my life who are true friends.

 

One example is a friend I have - she just had a baby and she is so busy it makes me feel stressed just thinking about it. But despite the fact that she has a bub, she always had time for me, always texts me (and I her), remains a sounding board for me (and I her) - that's a true friend. Not someone who wants you only when it conveniences them.

[Mariposa10]

I understand what you mean. And you are absolutely right. I just don't think I could ignore someone going through so much pain, especially since I know how that feels like.

 

 

I think it's all about having boundaries. I want people in my life who are true friends.

 

One example is a friend I have - she just had a baby and she is so busy it makes me feel stressed just thinking about it. But despite the fact that she has a bub, she always had time for me, always texts me (and I her), remains a sounding board for me (and I her) - that's a true friend. Not someone who wants you only when it conveniences them.

[jennysuzie]

You are in a dark place right now, but that's ok! We have all been there, and thought this feeling will never end. But you have to walk through the storm to see the sunshine

 

I am going through the same thing, I too need to get back on my feet and get busy, make new friends and find fun and enjoyment in my life again.

 

Maybe you could speak to one of your closest friends in that particular group and explain things to them and see where it goes....if they are worthwhile having in your life they will understand and be there for you.

 

If not, that's ok. You live in London, theres plenty of sports groups, clubs etc that you could get involved in. I lived in LDN a few years ago and when I was broken hearted and lonely, I joined a sports team and didn't look back! We trained twice a week and don't get me started on the social side of things! It was insane! I have never partied so much and I don't think I ever will again! They were a life saver.

 

Just be kind to yourself in the next few weeks, take it one day at a time and don't be afraid to contact family, friends and colleagues who you feel comfortable talking to.