GG3 Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Ever have married male friends who you have been friends with for years and claim to be okay with that, but continue to show actions otherwise or their feelings get mixed up? I have had a few who seem jealous of anyone I date or angry. Tell me they think the guy doesn't like me or get angry if I stick around with someone that isn't working out. One lost it months ago and wrote me an angry email telling me he knew I had "secret relationships." That was the end of our friendship. Of course most people go on dates or even do hookups and we may not always tell our friends but where was that his business? I had one who was angry that I wouldn't drive to have lunch with him (I live an hour away) if I dare had a day off work. Lunch was the only time he could do anything and hide it from his wife. Keep in mind this person never made a romantic move and as far as I could tell never flirted. The last of these friends I had quit speaking to me a week ago. We maybe had lunch once a year but it was always a little uncomfortable for me. I felt like he stared into my eyes a lot and was angry if I mention a guy or an ex. We had been friends for 10 years and one would think he knows by now I'm not going to have sex with him or date. But every email conversation he would say "Maybe we can go there someday!" I finally told him, "Please stop saying that. I'm not interested in going places with you. You completely ignore the conversations I make and keep suggesting meeting up and it's making me uncomfortable and while you say you know we are just friends, you act like we are on a date when we have hung out in the past." He wrote back that he didn't want to date but wanted to meet and we used to have time for at least a quick lunch. I told him I wanted to be friends but his behavior was uncomfortable and if he isn't interested in any of my conversations and is solely focused on meeting up, then it seems like he isn't interested in just friendship. He hasn't written back since. Is it common for men to pretend like they don't want more and keep trying? Or are they unaware of what they are doing?
preraph Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 I'm sure there's various reasons why guys (and women) do this. I think if the man is married and the main gist of the relationship seems to be him wanting it to go further, it's a waste of time because like you said, it doesn't seem like a friendship. Now, I've had close friendships with married guys before -- and one came running when they divorced. But it did seem like mostly a true friendship for the duration, not like he was trying to cheat on his wife or anything. Trust your instincts. Bail if it looks like all he wants is to sleep with you and thinks he'll wear you down over time. But I will say that many times, what especially married guys want is to think some other woman wants them, to think they are still attractive and still have options. That's not really a great sign for their marriage though, or any future relationships they have because it's a needy ego thing. Also, go by what they do, not what they say. Anyone can say anything. Are they a real friend? If your car breaks down, can you count on them to come, even if it means letting their wife know or bringing her with them? Or are they only interested in sneaking?
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