Ex left me for someone else-I can't let go and see him everyday.

[grieving1234]

I am writing to get some advice on how to handle this emotionally painful experience I have been going through. My ex boyfriend of two and a half years left me for someone else after we got into an argument. What is even worse is that we are both teachers in the school and see each other regularly. I am 28 and he is 33...

We had an overall strong relationship (so I thought), we both had been through a lot together, and I loved him very much, and was made to believe that he did too. I noticed that he started drifting away the week before we broke up, and he basically told me we were done after an argument we both had. I later find out that he slept with this new woman the week that he became distant. I had to find out by asking around, and going through his email. He gave me no real explanation and told me that he cared about me but at the end he "wasnt feeling it and we were too different". After years of my life that is the only explanation I received and he has told me to stop contacting him. Its been almost 3 months and I cannot seem to get over the betrayal. A lot of the pain comes from the fact that he told me that if he "learned anything from our relationship, its to not speak to other woman no matter what the circumstances are"-indicating that he is in an exclusive relationship with this other person that he values more than me. This makes me feel so used and discarded. He literally replaced me with this new woman and seems to be valuing and respecting her more.

What hurts the most is that him and I dated for about a year before we became exclusive (which lasted about a year and half) and now he is automatically with this woman that he has replaced me with-and seems to treat her better than he treated me. I do not know how to stop comparing, and how to stop being so angry. I see him at work and know that I still love him, but have mixed feelings of anger as well. Each time I go into work its like reopening the wound. Is it possible that he has truly found his match and I just have to deal? or did he just never love me to begin with? Is he just idealizing the beginning of the relationship and destined to do the same to her? It hurts to think of him finding his better match while im stuck picking up the pieces of a relationship I thought was strong. I just can't seem to move past him and has new woman-when the breakup itself is still fresh to me. I need advice on how to stop idealizing their relationship.

I know that I need to focus on me, but I'm having a very difficult time letting go and not obsessing. I have been seeing a therapist but I need more perspectives on how to stop hurting over someone who left me for someone else that he is treating better than me--especially when no contact isnt much of an option. Any advice? Perhaps something to think of when I see him at work? Thank you!

[Angry bird]

I would start looking for a position in a new location and start taking steps to heal. NC is a no fail *for healing & moving on*, when you disappear the X douche bag will look for you, but it's for your best well being that you remain no contact until fully healed. The first six months will be ripe with ups and downs. Not looking at his face for a long period of time will help you move on.

 

You have us here to share in your pain.

[LostConfused123]

I'm so sorry for your pain! Truly!! ((hugs!!))

 

I agree with AngryBird. is there ANY way possible you can work at a new school. I know you shouldn't have to rearrange your life (it's not fair) but for your sanity and recovery I think it would be the perfect solution. Then you can fully heal and not have that in your face every day.

Even if you have to take a pay cut. (I know that probably sounds absurd)

BUT. . . your happiness, recovery and peace of mind is PRICELESS!!!

 

Thinking of you and wishing you the best!!

 

btw, forgive me but. . . what a douche!!!!

[SameOldFear]

I was actually in a very similar situation with my ex. He refused to be just exclusive with me, but told me that one day he would. He blamed his insecurities with himself as reasons and cited multiple other reasons. I thought they were good reasons and logical, so I went with it and waited. Then another girl came along, and now just two months later they're living together. When he couldn't even exclusively date me. It's such a slap in the face. I also work with my ex, and even got him his job, which I now realize was a bad idea.

Honestly, the best thing you can do is look at it like an outsider would. He's not a good man and you need to cut him out of your life. Don't look for closure, because there's absolutely nothing he could say that wouldn't hurt you more. If he's says good things, it's going to hurt because he's no longer yours, if he says bad things, then obviously it's going to hurt. Drop him. I didn't drop my ex and I wish I had done it immediately. It's been almost a month of NC, and I've made so much more progress than I did while still trying to remain "friends."

My ex also told me some lessons he learned from us, and it seemed so silly, because I can remember telling him some of those exact same things in attempt to get him to be exclusive. It's like this other woman was getting all my work, of getting him a job, holding him while he cried, mending his insecurities, and getting him lots of friends. And I'm left with shattered self-esteem and a broken heart.

[grieving1234]

. It's like this other woman was getting all my work, of getting him a job, holding him while he cried, mending his insecurities, and getting him lots of friends. And I'm left with shattered self-esteem and a broken heart.

 

I know what you mean--I feel like I was used until something more suitable came along. I think thats the hardest part--wondering if he will treat the new woman better because he loves her more.

[grieving1234]

Thank you, everyone, for your advise and suggestions. Your empathy and support is really helping me in trying to move on...