The Selfish Dumpers

[ILoveVegas]

Hey everyone! I haven't been on here for a while.. I wanted just to share a few things about what I learned about my break up and reading things online..

 

Might help people who having a hard time and struggling to move on.

 

My break up happened 3 months ago and I can say that I already felt a lot better than before!! I see a lot of people here having trouble moving on and letting go.

 

Here are few things that I wanted to share that really helped me. I hope you guys will really read into this.

 

-Remove them in all social networks. If you haven't done this. Do it now!! People say you are being immature doing this. You are wrong. Delete her from everything and block her! This will ensure she never sees you online and therefore will never giver her the chance to know anything about you.

 

-Change your numbers. Seriously guys. This is the biggest and the most important step that you can do. No more looking at your phone if they text or not.. No more looking at your phone during holidays if they text you or not. No more expecting if they greeted me on my birthday or not. It will give you a peace of mind! If you really want to move on you gotta do this.

 

-Don't use holidays, birthdays as an excuse to contact them. this is an excellent chance for her to think: "What happened to him that he didn't call me?" "Did he forget about me?" How can it be that even with the "excuse" of my birthday/holiday, he didn't call?" "Does he have another girl?" "Does he no longer care about me?"

 

-Ex wanting to be friends. LIES!! What she wants is to have you nearby and under control. What she wants is to know about you and have you near her so she doesn't miss you. She is likely trying to start a new relationship with someone else, while she doesn't want to lose you completely either. This is the most common thing they always do after break up. It helps them move on too while they are looking for their next relationship. Do not ever be her friend because she will always know what you feel for her. Don't trick yourself. Don't EVER be her friend.

 

-It is all hormones: It may seem cold, but all you are feeling is due to hormones. Love is literally like a drug, the act of validation from a person you have an emotional connection with releases what are known as "feel good" hormones (I wont bore you with the science). When you break up, you no longer get this "fix", this is why you become desperate to get her back, you are going through relapse. You have to fight it, like you would drug or alcohol addiction, this is why we delete the numbers and facebook. Keeping her contact details within reach is like an alcoholic keeping drinks lined up in-front of them. We all know how it will end.

 

-Out of sight, out of mind: Delete all photos of you together, any gifts she may have bought you, just anything that reminds you of her. If they are important items you can get away with packing them into a box and sticking them somewhere you will never look, or even give it to a friend to hold onto.

 

-Accept it is over: She is not coming back, and even if she does because she thinks she has made a mistake, do not take her back. You will know it is done but want that comfort to return, it may in the short term but I guarantee you will be left feeling worse then before if you choose this route.

 

-Time heals all: When you first break up you think that she was the one, you will never find somebody like her. In reality you will be thinking this about every girl you are with from here on out. Once the emotions have time to settle, you will realise her downfalls and pick things which you didn't like about her. Everyone always moves on and is happy, all it takes is time, don't rush it.

 

-There is nothing permanent in life Seriously guys. It's time to move on there are far more better things in life. Learn to love yourself! Be happy with the freedom that you have now.. It's not the end of the world.

 

With people who thinks "OH I WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE LIKE HER AGAIN" "SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL" I say that's all bull****! stop fooling yourself and getting blinded by her looks. Looks always fade! Find someone who will love you for who you are and what you have to offer..

 

Remember that you can't do anything or say anything for her to want to get back together. She needs to realize it by her own! If she really wants to talk to you she will be at your door right now. Text/Calls are just nothing but self validation from them..

 

Always remember that Relationships with a girl can be a wonderful thing, but it is far from the prize in life. The most important relationship you will ever have in this life is the one with yourself. You're mindset and purpose in who you are will be so concrete that attracting women will be easy. However, once you reach this level, you will no longer begin to care about attracting women, they will come to you.

 

So begin investing in your mind and embrace the journey of life.

[sportzhl24]

Thanks for that. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment but it feels better to remind myself that it is just hormones and that this will pass. Still it is very hard to want to be here on this earth when it hurts so badly.

[chris21422]

It will pass man. Everything he said there is true. The most important thing to do is to start loving yourself.

 

Thing that help me before is being super busy! During the week I always make a list of the things that I need to do in order for me to be busy.. I stop sitting around the house and being sorry for myself.

 

Thanks for that. I'm in a lot of pain at the moment but it feels better to remind myself that it is just hormones and that this will pass. Still it is very hard to want to be here on this earth when it hurts so badly.

[lauri]

 

-Accept it is over: She is not coming back, and even if she does because she thinks she has made a mistake, do not take her back. You will know it is done but want that comfort to return, it may in the short term but I guarantee you will be left feeling worse then before if you choose this route.

 

 

I believe that this point is the most important for guys to realize. If a girl ends it with you, her interest level becomes so low that there is no chance of raising it back up to the point when she was madly in love with you.

 

Sometimes she will come back to you saying she "made a mistake" but that is only because the guy she left you for did not turn out as expected, or she sees that you are having an amazing time without her (especially if she sees you with a hot babe and she doesn't have anyone yet).

 

You can never ever take a girl back after she ends it with you...it is only a recipe for disaster. In her mind, she has permanently saved all the negative thoughts of you and has decided you are not the one for her. Just take everything as a lesson, analyze where you went wrong and NEVER let any girls interest level drop that low with you again.

[pickflicker]

I believe that this point is the most important for guys to realize. If a girl ends it with you, her interest level becomes so low that there is no chance of raising it back up to the point when she was madly in love with you.

 

Sometimes she will come back to you saying she "made a mistake" but that is only because the guy she left you for did not turn out as expected, or she sees that you are having an amazing time without her (especially if she sees you with a hot babe and she doesn't have anyone yet).

 

You can never ever take a girl back after she ends it with you...it is only a recipe for disaster. In her mind, she has permanently saved all the negative thoughts of you and has decided you are not the one for her. Just take everything as a lesson, analyze where you went wrong and NEVER let any girls interest level drop that low with you again.

 

So true. My experience, in looking at my own behaviour and the behaviour of others, is that men make an impulsive decision to leave and more often than not, regret it and try to come back, whereas women chew of the decision for a while, and when they pull the trigger, mean it forever.

 

Just my observations, no scientific proof to back it up.

[chris21422]

True that.. A real reconciliation happens is just when a really long time have past. like a year or something.. Usually when you get back together within short period of time after break up it will just never work the same and will be broken up all over again..

 

 

I believe that this point is the most important for guys to realize. If a girl ends it with you, her interest level becomes so low that there is no chance of raising it back up to the point when she was madly in love with you.

 

Sometimes she will come back to you saying she "made a mistake" but that is only because the guy she left you for did not turn out as expected, or she sees that you are having an amazing time without her (especially if she sees you with a hot babe and she doesn't have anyone yet).

 

You can never ever take a girl back after she ends it with you...it is only a recipe for disaster. In her mind, she has permanently saved all the negative thoughts of you and has decided you are not the one for her. Just take everything as a lesson, analyze where you went wrong and NEVER let any girls interest level drop that low with you again.

[AnyaNova]

Wonderfully stated.

 

Wih a change of gender for those of us of the feminine persuasion; this works well.

 

I particularly liked the reminder of the science involved. The irony is, is that I must be particularly prone to addiction, given the length of time for this one to wear off, yet I've never developed an addiction to a substance!

 

Keep posting more stuffs like this.

 

We need it.

 

P.s. --men who find themselves confused by how deeply bereft they feel in the absence of their ex, even when they were the dumper, might want to research the Vassopressin effect.

[Eau Claire]

So true. My experience, in looking at my own behaviour and the behaviour of others, is that men make an impulsive decision to leave and more often than not, regret it and try to come back, whereas women chew of the decision for a while, and when they pull the trigger, mean it forever.

 

Just my observations, no scientific proof to back it up.

 

Yes, I agree. One can't say every time but, yes, just about every time.

 

Women take time to fall in love...then stay there and will usually support their man with ridiculous loyalty. But true, once the disillusion sets in...it's over. It erodes our belief in the relationship. Solid like steel then rust.