Snipercatt Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Really bad move. Look, she can't miss you if you're hovering. You have said all you need to say. She knows how to get a hold of you IF she wants to.
headinthecloud Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Guys, Since I didn't reply to the above text from her last week, I've not heard from her at all, so I guess she is respecting my decision for not being able to be friends with her as I want more, its getting really tough now but I'm thinking its her birthday next saturday, should I send her a card? I guess if I want her back then I can't forget important dates like this, I was thinking of including a letter, quite a brief one, not appearing needy or anything, just basically saying that I've done a lot of reflection, blah blah and saying if you want to meet to talk about things, if not then I'll respect your decision. Bad move? Very bad move. She should no longer exist in your mind. She dumped you! She does not want to share her life with you, she wants to use you as an ego boost by staying friend with you. Please read the links in my signature...live by the words within them right now as you're too emotional. You should be only thinking of yourself, she should not exist in your mind. If she does then she's living there rent free because I guarantee you she doesn't think of you like you think of her. Stay NC. Good luck!
Author adurrant Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Really bad move. Look, she can't miss you if you're hovering. You have said all you need to say. She knows how to get a hold of you IF she wants to. I guess, I haven't really had a chance to say everything since the day we broke up, that day I was obviously a mess and she obviously wouldn't of taken it all on board, all I've said since when she said she missed me 2 weeks ago was you know how I feel bout you and thats it as I didn't want come accross as needy, I haven't been on fb, ive basically been dead since we had the above convo (see above posts). Shall I just ignore her birthday? If I don't say anything and if she is even remotely thinking bout me then shes gonna think that I dont care and move on, girls remember things like that.
Still-I-Rise Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I guess, I haven't really had a chance to say everything since the day we broke up, that day I was obviously a mess and she obviously wouldn't of taken it all on board, all I've said since when she said she missed me 2 weeks ago was you know how I feel bout you and thats it as I didn't want come accross as needy, I haven't been on fb, ive basically been dead since we had the above convo (see above posts). Shall I just ignore her birthday? If I don't say anything and if she is even remotely thinking bout me then shes gonna think that I dont care and move on, girls remember things like that. Ignore her birthday. Period. Someone on the boards said she gave her ex a couple of expensive Apple products for Christmas only to find out he sold them to buy an engagement ring for someone else. No matter how thoughtful of her to remember him at Christmas it did not matter because he no longer loved her. The emotional pain she describes is heartbreaking. LET HER GO! If you love her, let her go and stop making it about you and your wanting to told onto someone who wants to be free. Move forward in your life right now and don't wait because life has something better in store for you. 1
Author adurrant Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Ignore her birthday. Period. Someone on the boards said she gave her ex a couple of expensive Apple products for Christmas only to find out he sold them to buy an engagement ring for someone else. No matter how thoughtful of her to remember him at Christmas it did not matter because he no longer loved her. The emotional pain she describes is heartbreaking. LET HER GO! If you love her, let her go and stop making it about you and your wanting to told onto someone who wants to be free. Move forward in your life right now and don't wait because life has something better in store for you. I guess, it just seems so unreal though, she got me loads of presents for Xmas, came round gave em to me and I gave her what I got her, her decision seems so rushed.. then she was talking to me like nothing happened, basically I just feel like I am giving up, everyone on here tells me to move on, its been three weeks.. my thoughts bout her seem to be getting worse, I haven't begged or anything... shall I just give up on her? I've always believed that you should fight for who/what you love.. Seems so hash, since we didn't have any real problems in our relationship, I I just didn't open up as much as I shouldve and I accept that.
Snipercatt Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yes, you're coming across as needy. It's not attractive. Girls remember things like that? Well, you stand a stronger chance of being remembered, and missed, if you don't send a card.
flightplan Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Listen dude, you have been told multiple times what to do but you keep coming back. It sucks, we've all been there. We know... now it's time to put on your man pants and grow a pair. You've been given advice from very good people who know what they're talking about. Ignore it at your peril, but the more you reach out to her, the more you only confirm her decision to leave you. Outside of that, do what you want. You've been warned.
Author adurrant Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Yeah I understand it all, I am listening to what you're all saying and I do appreciate it, the only reason I keep banging on about it is because there's quite a few factors. only a month before we broke up she was putting notes on my car etc, saying hapoy anniversary, lots of love etc, btw all of this started from my point of view when her mum was going for scans for cancer, she spilt up with me 5 days before finding the results, which was all clear, couple of days after finding out she said she missed me and was really confused, then she came round exchanged xmas presents, then on xmas day, we both said thanks, then a few days later she text me to say hope you had a nice xmas, that's when I said I can't do this chic chat as it hurts too much, she said I thought we still could be friends, as I wanted more and I've not heard from her since, do you think ive pushed her away? Thats why I'm looking to reconnect, I guess its just to test the waters but again ive been in nc for over a week now and she hasn't reached out... That's the full story, nothing more to be said, but thats why im unsure wherever just to cut my losses and run.
Snipercatt Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Nope, you haven't posted anything new. You didn't push her away. She left. You told her you can't chit chat, as friends, that you want more. She's doing you a favor by staying away because she doesn't want more. There's nothing to be confused about. It is just that your heart doesn't want to accept it is over.
Author adurrant Posted January 4, 2014 Author Posted January 4, 2014 Nope, you haven't posted anything new. You didn't push her away. She left. You told her you can't chit chat, as friends, that you want more. She's doing you a favor by staying away because she doesn't want more. There's nothing to be confused about. It is just that your heart doesn't want to accept it is over. You're right, I don't think I will send/text her happy birthday or to test the waters, I have thought bout what if we did get back together would I always feel in edge that she could just leave again, I think I probably would be feeling like that, I guess the only way I wouldn't feel that bad is if ahe genuinely reached out to me. Ive had a relationship before for 3 years, had a year off, dated girls but they never went anywhere, this one comes along and its great, I honestly couldn't fault her, thats what makes it worse is that I know will be hard to find someone nice again, I just got to keep moving I guess. I'm sorry that I've been hard work, I'm a stubborn man that doesn't quite know how to let go, I'm really committed when I get down to it, I just wish people nowadays didn't give up on people so easily nowadays.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Guys, Since I didn't reply to the above text from her last week, I've not heard from her at all, so I guess she is respecting my decision for not being able to be friends with her as I want more, its getting really tough now but I'm thinking its her birthday next saturday, should I send her a card? I guess if I want her back then I can't forget important dates like this, I was thinking of including a letter, quite a brief one, not appearing needy or anything, just basically saying that I've done a lot of reflection, blah blah and saying if you want to meet to talk about things, if not then I'll respect your decision. Bad move? Bad move? More like the worst move ever. If you do this you should be beaten with reeds and thrown into oncoming traffic. You'll look like even more of a weakling than you do now. Women hate weaklings. I mean, how much of a wuss do you have to be to declare that you need space and then send her a card with a wussy-mary letter? I realize I'm being harsh but this is literally the worst approach you could have short of stalking. If you do this, you'll completely emasculate yourself. Your desire for NC will look like a moron stunt to try to manipulate her feelings and she'll lose complete respect for her. She wanted you gone, you be gone. She can't miss someone who doesn't go away. It's time for you to regain your dignity and stop being a bootlicking doormat. And even if the matter has been resolved in the right way (you deciding that sending her a birthday card with a letter would be extremely moronic and not doing it) I hope you read this post every time you have stupid ideas like this one. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 I've always believed that you should fight for who/what you love.. You watch too many romantic comedies. Real life doesn't work like that. You fight when you are in the relationship, not after its broken. She doesn't want you to fight, she has no desire to fight. You "fighting" isn't noble, it comes off as pathetic. Plus, everyone who "fights" for a relationship tends to fight like the drunk hobo in the alley (wildly swinging their fists, not connecting and falling down) instead of strategizing like a general (building their army, getting stronger, then evaluating whether invading another country is really worth it). 3
Snipercatt Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 everyone who "fights" for a relationship tends to fight like the drunk hobo in the alley (wildly swinging their fists, not connecting and falling down That was the visual I was seeing before you so eloquently posted your description. LMAO!! Thanks for that.
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 This sounds like a play by play if my post breakup fiasco. Please go NC immediately, and don't relent. You are making your recovery so much more difficult than it needs to be, which is what I did. My breakup was this awful, drawn out affair that was so unnecessary. I went against the advice of everyone, and I regret it so much. Trust me, when someone breaks up with you, just go and don't contact them. Especially these types who want friendship and are supposedly "confused." I'm not saying they have malicious intentions, but you will get the short end of the stick.
Author adurrant Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 Thanks guys, Don't worry I won't be sending the bday card or the note, everyone has managed to talk me out of it, I guess when I get something gets in my head it's tough to let it go, I will maintain nc for as long as it takes. I'm glad I haven't begged or anything, not initiated contact since the bu since I said we can't be friends we've not spoke, so I think I could've done worse, now it's time to let go and move on 1
Still-I-Rise Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 You watch too many romantic comedies. Real life doesn't work like that. You fight when you are in the relationship, not after its broken. She doesn't want you to fight, she has no desire to fight. You "fighting" isn't noble, it comes off as pathetic. Plus, everyone who "fights" for a relationship tends to fight like the drunk hobo in the alley (wildly swinging their fists, not connecting and falling down) instead of strategizing like a general (building their army, getting stronger, then evaluating whether invading another country is really worth it). This is on point and likely describes my fight for my marriage to a tee. I looked like a drunk hobo. :D:D I was a mess. I begged, pleaded, wept, and left myself open for more pain. We were friends since childhood and have four children all conceived in wedlock - yet no amount of pleading or begging worked. He was done.
Author adurrant Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 This is on point and likely describes my fight for my marriage to a tee. I looked like a drunk hobo. :D:D I was a mess. I begged, pleaded, wept, and left myself open for more pain. We were friends since childhood and have four children all conceived in wedlock - yet no amount of pleading or begging worked. He was done. Do you think leaving him to it would've made a difference ?
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