WildHorses Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I had been dating a guy on and off for the past 2 months. He has 2 kids that live with him full time. As we continue dating, I happened to ask if he has any other children. He tells me of a 3rd child that the state has control of due to the child have severe autism. He pays child support for that child but is not allowed to see his son. This man offers up that he makes 70k a year working as a chief engineer. Well, I end up pregnant by him. I'm 33. Capable of being responsible. This was not what I had planned in life as I was not wanting a child, but accidents happen. So, this guy then wants to be responsible and suggests we try to work things out, work on eventually getting married. Well, he finally admits the other day that he is not making that amount of money. He's going to school and is now making 48k. However, the hours he spends between work and school, the math does not add up. I press him further to find out he has NO JOB and supposedly is going to school and will finish up in May. He will then be able to find a job. I asked how he survives. He states that his dad and school loans covers things for him and his 2 girls. I asked if he is on welfare, he says no. Either way, I have no trust anymore. Had he been honest in the first place, I would have not cared what his income was. Even after learning this, I was willing to work through it. I have suggested a counselor. He refuses. He has broken things off with us several times in these 2 months. I did see flags, and of course, I ignored. We as humans generally want to believe people. I no longer have trust. And, he now calls me horrible names for not wanting to be with him. He has even cried on the phone. He wants money and a purse back he gave me as a gift. He spends his money so foolishly on his kids and me...I even questioned it before knowing everything. I feel so embarrassed for going on this ride that he brought me on. I now have an even bigger thing to deal with. Learning I will be raising this child alone, and knowing he may or may not be apart of this childs life. I begin to think he is a narcissist. I'm so scared, alone, and confused.
regine_phalange Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I had been dating a guy on and off for the past 2 months. He has 2 kids that live with him full time. As we continue dating, I happened to ask if he has any other children. He tells me of a 3rd child that the state has control of due to the child have severe autism. He pays child support for that child but is not allowed to see his son. This man offers up that he makes 70k a year working as a chief engineer. Well, I end up pregnant by him. I'm 33. Capable of being responsible. This was not what I had planned in life as I was not wanting a child, but accidents happen. So, this guy then wants to be responsible and suggests we try to work things out, work on eventually getting married. Well, he finally admits the other day that he is not making that amount of money. He's going to school and is now making 48k. However, the hours he spends between work and school, the math does not add up. I press him further to find out he has NO JOB and supposedly is going to school and will finish up in May. He will then be able to find a job. I asked how he survives. He states that his dad and school loans covers things for him and his 2 girls. I asked if he is on welfare, he says no. Either way, I have no trust anymore. Had he been honest in the first place, I would have not cared what his income was. Even after learning this, I was willing to work through it. I have suggested a counselor. He refuses. He has broken things off with us several times in these 2 months. I did see flags, and of course, I ignored. We as humans generally want to believe people. I no longer have trust. And, he now calls me horrible names for not wanting to be with him. He has even cried on the phone. He wants money and a purse back he gave me as a gift. He spends his money so foolishly on his kids and me...I even questioned it before knowing everything. I feel so embarrassed for going on this ride that he brought me on. I now have an even bigger thing to deal with. Learning I will be raising this child alone, and knowing he may or may not be apart of this childs life. I begin to think he is a narcissist. I'm so scared, alone, and confused. Oh dear, before I even reached the end of your post I thought "narcissist" (I am not a psychologist or anything though). You have nothing to be embarrased of, he should be ashamed of himself and the way he has behaved. Nothing, ever, is going to be the same because of his lies, and it's his fault. And let me tell you, you will be better off without him. Do you have living family, parents, siblings, for emotional support throughout your pregnancy?
Author WildHorses Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 I have told my mom, a few close friends, a few extended family members. All are rallying around me for support. I have been crying for over a week because this is not what I envisioned. I don't believe in abortion, and adoption does not feel right either. I try to tell myself that God has a plan and for whatever reason, this is the route he wants me taking. I have dated an NPD before, but not one at this level. And, this guy was good at it. I never once asked to know his income. He spends his money so foolishly too! He said he is just like that around the holidays. The gifts he gave his girls, the gifts he showered me in. All of this was a lie. And, now I'm pregnant. This site has helped me in the past, and I'm back again to grow from this experience. I'm so glad that I was able to get my college degree completed before a baby is coming. I just feel alone even though I do have support. I see a pregnancy counselor on Monday. So many emotions right now. Have you dealt with an NPD before? I like your profile pic.
regine_phalange Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Of course you are dissapointed and sad and feel alone... It must be a very tough time for you. At the same time, it is a moment to be strong, and not to take more sh*t from this worthless excuse of a man. You are very lucky to have a good support system and a college degree. You will start over, and your baby will bring happiness in your family. You don't need a toxic husband who has not a trace of dignity. You will make it, you will move on and you will be happy again. Let us know how your counselling goes. * I have dealt with a narcissist before. A moving lie, and violent; verbally, emotionally, physically. They are inhuman and lack any hope. They don't respond to counselling, because they don't believe they have hit bottom and that they do so much harm to others. * I love your avatar too! Zac
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