ariesgirl-328 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Hi (: I have been in NC for almost 3 months now after being broken up for 8 months and I finally feel like NC paid off. Before NC I was begging my ex like a mad woman and so he kind of despises me now for being annoying and appearing desperate. I never really understood why he left me until about 2 months ago when I was just thinking about the past relationship and decided to figure out what he might have been thinking to understand what really happened. We used to fight during every singleeee conversation and then normally break up after a fight and then make up crying to eachother to come back. This was normal and I, for some reason, saw nothing wrong in it as long as we came back together and loved eachother. He always used to complain that we fight too much and that I'm too negative, but I never put my best effort into fixing this during the relationship because I never saw anything wrong. When he left, I went through a terrible period of heartbreak where life was hell. Then I stood up and decided I had to get out of depression and become a positive person. Now I'm always positive and happy and I do my best to make others feel good and I mostly don't argue as well as I've improved my fitness and social life. So I feel this breakup was beneficial in the end. I googled, "My girlfriend won't stop fighting with me" just to see what guys who had this in their relationship were doing and it turns out my ex probably felt more hurt and upset and suffocated than I understood after every fight and the fighting just got old. So he did the best he could, and got out of a relationship that was bringing him down. Now that I really understand what happened, and I feel I have grown up a bit (because my fighting and breaking up repeartedly is as childish as it gets), I want to apologize to him for what I put him through during the relationship and after. I apologized like crazy when I was begging for him back but it was never sincere because I just said those things to make him come back and I didn't really understand why I should be sorry. I want to message him that I am sorry before the New Year so I can just leave this relationship in the past for the both of us and move forward, but I don't want to anger him and ruin his holidays by contacting him for the first time in 3 months and irritating him because he hates me. I'm also afraid he might message something mean back to me which might set me back in my progress that I've had from NC because when I begged for him back desperately, he definitely developed a huge ego....and I so do not want to feed that monster any more. Also, he's getting an arranged marriage in January probably, so I have no hope or really any desire to get him back but I really feel like I should apologize for my mistakes and for hurting him before it's too late. So should I break NC just to apologize or let this go?
Christ is Love Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Will your apology change anything? Will it change the way that either of you feel about each other or the situation? If not, don't apologize. If so, apologize but keep the break up in perspective . Good Luck
Kevin_D Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Don't do it. I'm beginning to realise why people say they need closure. They claim that they want to put an end to things, but really, it's about HOPE. They believe that if they could meet their ex for one last time and have a friendly conversation, the ex will be more likely to come back. But when you start to miss someone, you don't care about whether the breakup was ugly or not. You miss the good times you had together. Contacting him now is taking a huge risk. Chances are that feelings will come back and you'll end up on square one again. 4
Author ariesgirl-328 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you all for the replies (: I won't contact him I guess, it won't be worth giving up my progress for.
L1ght Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 There comes a time when it's too late to apologise and the best thing a person can do is be silent especially if so many things have already been said in the heat of the moment in the past. If he wants to talk to you he will do it of his own accord. Let it be and focus on that positive direction you have found now in your own life.
margot13 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I am not sure if I agree with everyone, my story is similair. And after a lot of self reflection and looking at my own faults and shortcomings I did apologize. It wasn't hope it was being a better person, moving forward, realizing I had learnt my lessons and put them into practice. I know there is no hope but I am really glad I was a better person for making an apology in my contribution to the demise of a relationship that I had a lot of respect for, just didn't know how to show it..... I guess it all depends on what your motives are. If it is not hope but purely out of insight and personal growth I do not see the problem with it.
margot13 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 And if you do it don't text. That is not an apology. Email, write it down, explain it like you do here and then let it go. But really let it go!!!
Simon Phoenix Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 The best apology is leaving him alone. I don't really see the point of this, especially if he's with someone one. Very little upside and a ton of downside. 2
2fargone Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I apologised about a week after the break up. I guess after awhile it shouldn't matter anymore. Not as a dumpee. Because the reasons a dumper gives for breaking up in most cases aren't the real reasons at all, or more than what really mattered. After awhile it becomes a matter of 'whats done is done' and the only one that should apologise then is the dumper, if he/she wants back. If not, I don't even see a reason for contact.
polynomial Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I know how you feel. But don't do it. For two reasons: 1) He has obviously moved on with his life and is sticking with the choice he made, that is, breaking up with you. Contacting him would yes, probably just irritate him or he wouldn't care at all. It really serves no purpose.. 2) YOU have moved on as well, from what I gather from your post, but you haven't completely let go. Let go. You're in a better place now, and you say you feel you're more positive. So let the past be. Learn from the mistakes you made and be a better person in your relationships to come.
Author ariesgirl-328 Posted December 31, 2013 Author Posted December 31, 2013 I am not sure if I agree with everyone, my story is similair. And after a lot of self reflection and looking at my own faults and shortcomings I did apologize. It wasn't hope it was being a better person, moving forward, realizing I had learnt my lessons and put them into practice. I know there is no hope but I am really glad I was a better person for making an apology in my contribution to the demise of a relationship that I had a lot of respect for, just didn't know how to show it..... I guess it all depends on what your motives are. If it is not hope but purely out of insight and personal growth I do not see the problem with it. Thank you everyone for the replies!!!!! i agreed with the above so i went ahead and messaged him...sadly i dont have an email of his that he ever checks, nor did i want to message him on his phone incase his new girlfriend or fiance saw and he got in a mess for it, so i messaged him on an application called Kik and then deleted my conversation immediately so I wouldnt keep checking if he read my message. It was as sincere as I will ever be. I hope he finds it within himself to forgive me and see what we had in a happier light. Thank you everyone! 1
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