Can you say restraining order? U wont believe what my EX did! PLEASE READ!!!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Is everyone sitting down? OK, so i have been dating this fella. Nice fella. Easy going, great to talk to, just absolutely wonderful. My ex is having a hard time dealing with the fact that i have moved on. So i went on a date last night and my ex kept calling me telling me to call him when i got home. 3 calls later i told him that i was pulling up to my house as we speak. So i was with my date and we did you good night kiss and that was that...............so i thought!

I call my ex when i get into the house and he says "i cant talk to you right now. I'm shaking, I can't drive, I cant talk to you right now"...click

I call him back (ya know I'm worried) He says again" I cant talk to you"...click

Now I'm really worried. So i call him back and he says "I saw you "

"You saw me what"

He said he was waiting in front of my house (unknown car) for me to get home from my date. He saw me and my date make out.

So right about now I am absolutely livid.LIVID!!!!!!!!! He said that he didn't believe that i had found someone new. He keeps begging me and begging me to go back with him. I keep trying to tell him that its over and that i dont love him anymore. (i hate seeing men beg)

 

 

 

I'm not done yet!

 

 

 

 

 

So he calls me about 15 minutes later. He said that he just had a chat with my date........................WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You had a chat wit him? About WHAT!?!?!?

 

He said the whole 9...you hurt her I'll break our legs. Now since this kid is very cool calm and collected, he got scared. Called me and said that this is weird and that he can't deal with psycho EX boyfriends hunting him how to talk to him. And now he never want to see me again.

 

 

Are you freakin kidding me?!?!?!?! So i haven't talk to my ex, except to tell him that i hope he rots in hell. I physically hate him with every fiber of my being.

 

I was truly happy with this new guy and he couldn't deal with it.

 

The funny part is.....HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!!!!!

 

What should i do?!?!?!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Were you able to talk to him previously and let him know that you are not interested in friends? If he still had that 'in' - he may have, in some warped way felt that it was his duty 'as a friend' to protect you (ie - using that as an excuse to horn in on your private goings on). He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who is going to listen to reason at this point, so all you can do, if he contacts you is tell him in a calm voice that you do not want to talk to him, that there is nothing to discuss, and that you would prefer that he not contact you again - and that if he does, you will file for a restraining order. Then hang up. This guy wants your attention - it doesn't matter if its negative, he just wants your attention. You will have to remove yourself from him. If he crosses the line, even in the slightest - go talk to the police about a restraining order. You never know when someone is going to snap and take it from annoyance to aggravated assault or even murder.

[djones]

Hey Ihavenofreakinclue,

 

wow I cant belive what I just read, it sounds like something out of a movie!!!....your ex sounds like he has really lost it....I am sorry about what has happend with you and the new guy, maybe try talking to him again and see if he will go out with you. But it seems like you are first going to have to deal with your ex, a restraining order sounds like a good thing maybe get one b/c this guy sounds liek he is nuts.....maybe by you getting one and you tell the new guy you got one he will consider trying going out with you. In any event you will have to do something b/c if you dont if you dont get your new guy back and you date again, your ex may just sabbotage that one too and its not fair to you.....so maybe think about getting a restraining order....good luck keep us posted

[Scott S]

It appears to me that he has a couple screws loose! Jealousy is one thing. Communicating threats is quite another.

 

Restraining order, my a**! I would contact the police & report what happened. Nothing like contact with Law Enforcement to get a message across. Especially knowing that additional contacts may result in a stint in jail.

[blind_otter]

You should have called the cops last night, and made a report then. If not, do it today or it will be difficult to get the restraining order.

 

This **** is not to be played with.

 

I didn't listen to everyone, and didn't get the restraining order.

 

A few weeks ago, my ex broke down my front door, threw me across the room, and ran into the living room. I had a male friend over at my house. He tried to kill my friend with his bare hands, strangling him with one hand and punching him in the head with the other. My pitbull, luckily, attacked my ex and dragged him off my male friend. If my dog hadn't been the good protector that he is, my friend would be dead.

 

Now, my ex is going to trial in february, facing prison time for home invasion and assault.

 

DO NOT PLAY AROUND. GO to the police, make a report. It will help with the restraining order. Go do it before he tries anything worse. He is obsessed.

[moimeme]

I agree that you should call the police. The ex uttered a threat to cause bodily harm. That oughta warrant a visit from the boys in blue.

[Bubbles]

First, you sit down with pen in hand and to the best of your ability you write down day-by-day the actions he has taken towards you and how or if he spoke to you - you write down EVERYTHING! The pen is mightier than the sword! Especially in this type of situation. You need to write down on a daily basis if there has been any contact and what type of contact it was.

 

You have a serious problem here. Take my advice, even if you don't call the police and have a restraining order slapped on him at least there is SOMETHING in writing about HIS behavior. You may need this "journal" in the future.

 

If your ex is hanging out at your house waiting for you.......there is nothing he will stop at once he gets it in his head that he can track you down and there is absolutly no reason for you to "hide" yourself away. Live your life as you see fit - keep your journal in our purse and if you do happen to see him make sure to pull out your journal and hopefully he will see you writing things down and take the hint that you are logging everything and you are not going to put up with his hyginx for too much longer! Even if nothing comes of it.......you at least have an actual account of what is going on in YOUR life.

 

bubbles

[brashgal]

In addition, I might consider moving and getting an unlisted phone number.

[moimeme]

Take pictures of him lurking in his car. Make sure he sees you.

[blind_otter]

NO. DO NOT DO THESE THINGS.

 

The police officer who came to my house advise - complete NC, don't let him know you are aware that he is watching you because that could incite him to violence.

 

Make a report. Tell your friends. Be on the lookout. But DO NOT incite him to be more obsessive or violent. Making him see that you are still caught up in his actions will only fuel his obsession. If you have made a report, they are more likely to take future threats more seriously. It is extremely hard to get a restraining order without previous police reports unless he does something violent against you or another person directly.

 

Please take this seriously. Your life could be at stake. A young woman I know of was stalked by her ex for a YEAR. He planned his violation of her out, got two other men to abduct her, they raped her and beat her, and she has brain damage, permanent nerve damage, and will be wheelchair bound for the rest of her life. Nip this in the bud before if gets more serious.

[Bubbles]

There's no way SHE should have to change HER life...........Her EX needs to get himself into "check"

 

I agree that in some really bad instances like with blind_otter.......I would move! She has things under control now but......I know EXACTLY how it feels to have a crazy ex! I have been followed, spied on, stalked, my home broken into......all of it. I finally took my Father's advice and started keeping track of HIS movements. When I did call the police, they arrived at the house and I handed them my journal. The officer's sat down and read my notes and told me that, that was a best thing to do (write it down) they said "the judge will like it too!"

 

Trust us here. We have been through this. Take action or it won't stop.

 

 

bubbles

[HokeyReligions]

People have said pretty much what I would say to you.

 

NO CONTACT. Do not call him, Do not answer his calls. Change your phone number, block him, whatever it takes for you to NOT contact him. No, it's not right that you have to be the one inconvenienced, but that is just how it goes sometimes.

 

If he calls you and tells you he has a gun to his head and will blow his brains out if you don't pick up the phone - don't pick up the phone. Find another phone and call the police.

 

DO keep a journal with dates and times and put the facts first and then follow with how you felt. The justice system works on facts, but also takes into consideration emotions.

 

Contact the police now.

 

I don't blame the new guy for bolting -- I wouldn't want to deal with a psycho ex either. However, once you have contacted the police and have done everything you can to ensure no contact, you may be able to see the other guy again when he feels a bit more confident. He might feel better after the police talk to him too and get his statement about his own threat against him.

 

If you suspect your ex is hanging around, call the police and then play the Dixie Chicks "Goodbye Earl" song real loud!

[aFighter]

Get one of Your rather large & ill tempered male friends to have 'the whole 9 yard talk' with your ex on the subject of him staying the hell out of your life?

That would work...

[blind_otter]

My friend, I'll call him T, quizzed me about my ex's hangouts because he wants to go beat his a$$ (T is the one who was strangled). But I won't let him. It's better to do everything through the law. Having someone intimidate him could result in a vindicitve restraining order on HIS part.

 

Let me rephrase - keep a journal, by all means, but DON'T be taking his picture and letting him see you. Luckily, as his court date approaches, my ex has backed off.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Thanx guys...........I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet.........he called me and left me a message saying that he's never going to call me again.....I told him that that he needs to fix things with me and this guy. He said that he didn't do any wrong( he didn't say anything wrong or bad to him). But he didn't have to. if a 300lb man flags you down.......I'd **** my pants. He love that he screwed things up with me and him. Now i have to try to straighten things out with him. i think its useless tho. Excess baggage.

[on the edge]

Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue

Thanx guys...........I'm not sure what I'm gonna do yet.........he called me and left me a message saying that he's never going to call me again.....I told him that that he needs to fix things with me and this guy. He said that he didn't do any wrong( he didn't say anything wrong or bad to him). But he didn't have to. if a 300lb man flags you down.......I'd **** my pants. He love that he screwed things up with me and him. Now i have to try to straighten things out with him. i think its useless tho. Excess baggage.

 

just as everyone else has said-it will not stop until you take action!!!

 

this is for your safety!!!! you can never second guess someone's actions, especially when emotions are running high!

 

you need to get an restraining/protective order NOW!!! keep logs and document every phone call and/or attempts of any contact. call your local police and tell them what has occurred. start no contact NOW!!!

 

i am going through the same thing right now...i have had to file for an protective order, keep documentations, etc.

my stbx told me that i better get an restraining order because i was going to need it. all this coming from someone who once said that they would never do anything to hurt me.

 

please be careful and take care of yourself!!!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

You guys are right...i should...does it cost anything?

[magda]

I can't help wondering why you kept answering your phone during your date. It's rude to have it on on dates, in my opinion. Mihght have solved that problem... don't be available to your ex.

[Bubbles]

The only cost to you will be your time and effort! I know that here in Canada you have to go to the court-house to pick up and fill out the proper paperwork. Call your local police station - they will inform you as to what you need to do to get things started.

 

Good Girl! You look after yourself!

 

 

bubbles

[blind_otter]

No. Make a police report TODAY - it's free. The judge will probably look over his criminal record, any past police reports really help. I already had 3 assault reports on file, so I won't have to worry about him contesting the RO.

 

I'm STILL waiting for my restraining order.

[Barby]

If this guy really likes you hopefully he'll be willing to listen to reason. I mean try and explain to him the situation, the fact that you want NOTHING to do with this guy and I think filing a police report is the right things to do as well then let the new guy know you've taken it to that level and maybe he'll re-consider...I mean how is it your fault that your ex is crazy? I can see his point but hopefully he'll be able to see your's as well..Good luck!

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by magda

I can't help wondering why you kept answering your phone during your date. It's rude to have it on on dates, in my opinion. Mihght have solved that problem... don't be available to your ex.

 

Not necessarily. My ex came to my house BECAUSE I wouldn't answer the phone. My friend T, who was with me, wouldn't let me.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Originally posted by magda

I can't help wondering why you kept answering your phone during your date. It's rude to have it on on dates, in my opinion. Mihght have solved that problem... don't be available to your ex.

 

You have a very good point but my date said not to make him angry and just talk to him. He didn't mind

[on the edge]

Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue

You guys are right...i should...does it cost anything?

 

i had to go to the courthouse in the county that i live in and file for a P.O.-

it was issued the same day

 

a court date was set for later to see if he wanted to dispute the order and for payment. he tried to get the order denied, but the judge ruled in my favor. i ended up having to pay for half, which kind of peeved me since i didn't make any threats, but it was worth every cent to have peace of mind. the P.O. was extended until the end of the year.

 

don't let him have the upper hand-take the power and control back to yourself! you deserve to live life looking ahead, not over your shoulder!

[Weird]

what

the

*****...

 

wtf is wrong with humans? My goodness.

 

I can't believe people get this attached to someone that they'd do something this insane and stupid.

 

I feel so bad for the crap you have gone through and can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given.

 

My hope is that it all gets taken care of without any more problems and stress to you and your new guy. Hopefully the new guy changes his mind and will keep seeing you. If he doesnt then that isn't a good sign of the quality of guy he is.

 

If I was him and your ex approached me I would tell you what happened, suggest you get the law invovled and then if he approached me again and uttered some useless threat or tried to do anything physical to me I'd give him a swift kick in the junk.

 

 

 

Blind Otter,

 

So your friend wants to go beat the crap out of your ex but he just let your ex beat on his ass in your house? I sure hope not and hope your ex incapacitated him because if a guy jumped on me and started hitting me you sure as hell can bet I'd be hitting back. I also doubt he would have killed your friend had your dog not stepped in. I would like to think that you could have got enough strength (after being thrown in the wall) to grab something and knock your ex out before he killed someone in front of you.

 

 

 

 

It amazes me that those guys are of the same sex as me. Yikes...and my heart is with all you women who have had to deal with abusive guys/exs/stalkers. If I could fix it all I would. Believe me.