Ac12 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Hi everybody, I'm new to these forums so thank you for your help in advance. My girlfriend of 6 months and I broke up 5 months ago. She said she needed to experience some things during college before she was read to settle down, and I was the one she intended to settle down with. We were madly in love and the relationship seemed very strong so this came as a complete surprise to me. She always maintained that we would get back together, but being a realist I didn't believe this. After the break up I did everything I could to get over her ASAP because I was so hurt. 3 months after the break-up, I was still a bit of an emotional mess, but she unexpectedly came back and said she was ready to commit fully. I later learned she was even planning on proposing. I wasn't sure if I should giver her another chance, but I knew that there was no way I wouldn't give this relationship another shot. We got back together, but about 2 weeks into it we both realized I didn't feel the same about her as I did previously. The "spark" just wasn't there for me. I still enjoyed being with her, the intimacy was great, but it just didn't feel the same. I think I can sum it up as: I loved her but I wasn't in love with her. I think my "getting over her plans" were too effective. We went into a "gray zone" for a bit before breaking up again. This was about 2 months ago. I still think about her everyday and miss her. But I don't know if I miss her, or if I miss having a girlfriend. I would give anything to be in a happy relationship with this girl again, I miss what we had before. I've spent the past two months trying to figure out what went wrong and why I didn't feel the same. She still loves me and I think would be open to another try at this relationship if I can show her that I truly want to be with her. There's just something holding me back...I can't tell if I truly want to be with her, or if I'm just lonely and miss having someone to share all those relationship things with. I don't have fear that I won't find another girl, maybe some fear that I won't fall madly in love with anybody else. She's beautiful and smart and a lot of fun so she won't have any trouble whatsoever finding a new man. Some additional details: this was the first girl I fell in love with, I definitely saw us spending our lives together before the break up. Also, I haven't had many other girlfriends to compare her to. I've known her for about two years; the first year was spent trying to get her to date me, the next six months we were in a relationship, and the past six months have been mostly a rocky road. Any advice from people who have felt this way before or any advice from anyone at all is greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening!
Harradin Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 My 2 cents (I'm no expert ) During the 3 months after the first breakup, you subconsciously checked out of the relationship and took off the rose tinted glasses, so when you got back together it was all good and dandy because there was a brief 'honeymoon' period but because you had checked out of the relationship, it was only a matter of time before you realised that you weren't in love with her any more. I think the 3 months after the breakup actually did you a favour by showing you that you weren't as far in love as you originally thought. So I'd say you miss having a girlfriend rather then then missing her. My advice would be to move on and forget her, as it seems like you both just drifted apart.
theonlyjuan Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Maybe a bit of both, mostly miss having a girlfriend I think. I thought I had lost the greatest girl ever, until I put myself out there more. You will meet other girls that have certain things you like that your ex didn't have. You can be as happy with someone else. Think how many girls there are out there! There are so many nice and interesting people about, just have to be patient. I used to think I missed my ex, but when I saw her in person it felt different. It's like I paint in image in my head of her, she doesn't live up to it. I wouldn't rush into a new relationship.
Danny Dee Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I'm currently in a 5 year relationship where we broke up for a few days & since we got back together I've noticed the spark has gone & I'm still with this girl but deep down I keep asking myself am I just with her for the sake of having a gf. It's a confusing feeling I hope you get sorted. What is your gut telling you to do??
Author Ac12 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you for the quick responses! I don't think I've gotten to the point where I can clearly make out my gut feelings and trust them. But I think you guys are right that I should go out and meet more girls, I think that will help put this into perspective and maybe give me more insight. I just wish things were different and Im so hesitant to give up on us.
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