Can Someone Steal your BFF?

[Christy Byron]

Hello everyone!!!

 

Thank you for all the help and support in advance!

 

First and foremost,I would like to ask you to be gentle with my Grammar because I took my FCE certificate 3 years ago,so unfortunately I don’t remember everything very well.

 

Well,now I may start with my ”problem”.

 

I have a best friend with whom I’ve been together for five and a half years.I know that that’s a pretty long period but we had so many difficulties in our friendship back then(other fake friends and stuff)so we really got to know each other better and form our real friendship three and a half years ago.

 

I will give you a picture of our friendship so you will be able to understand my current situation much better and give the proper advice.We have many commons mostly in our interests and some in our personalities.The only difference in our character is that she is more straight-forward,courageous, and out-going than me and that’s because we both were shy,but she got over that quicker than me.I’m still in the ”developing level”!!As for me Im more sensitive and that’s why I almost never start a fight(I hate them in reality),so you can understand the problem when your best friend is red-blooded.I used to be like that,too.But I try to control that especially with the people I love and care about the most.~We also have this telepathy-thing so whenever someone from us thinks something,the other one knows it,or we can communicate with glances,know the motives for our actions,write the same things(that’s a BIG problem in school tests),feel what the other one is doing or where she is(if that’s not telepathy I don’t know what it is),say the same things simultaneously(that’s scary when it happens over 10 times in a few hours)and etc.I know that this is normal for friends who know each other for years but our situation is different because we had this from the first year.

 

We always say to each other that we have something different,true and rare in comparison with all these fake friendships around us.We have passed so many difficulties together(bullying in school,fake friends and much more personal and serious)that our friendship only got stronger after these trials.Also,whoever see us tell us that we have this ”glowing” and unique thing that shows how true friends we are.As a result many classmates used to make fun of us saying things like”oh look the lesbians”although we’ve never did anything weird(unlike them) and other childish stuff.Only later I understood that this was happening because of their jealousy.If you ask my opinion..yeah I trully believe that we are true friends and we both have this feeling of what true friendship is but…now comes the ”problem”.

 

One year ago one of our classmates came to our gang and we welcomed her because all her previous friends betrayed her.(It’s not like we were antisocial,just the opposite but we prefered to be only just the two of us because we had the ”luck” to be at a very elitist school with snobbish classmates).This new girl got to know my best friend 4 years ago when I had some problems with her,so they came closer but we got together again no matter what happened.So,they were more comfortable with each other and I was feeling somewhat in the cold.They were only making jokes and these silly things that all girls do,but I wasnt feeling really comfortable to have this girly attitude all of a sudden.I was very surprised by my bf change in behaviour everytime our new friend was with us and when I asked her she told me that that’s an aspect of her personality(the girly behaviour),like another persona,but her true self was only with me.I’m still a little confused about that(is that normal or just a pretense?)but i tried to shallow that.The other girl in the beginning was talking to me in a very bitchy way because she didnt know me but I was hurt by that and very worried,too.And a little jealous I have to admit about their friendship.

 

~I have to add here that I have a friendship complex because I have passed so many things from others that I don’t trust anyone easily and Im always worried that maybe I will lose my bf one day~

 

Well months passed(a summer)but they only went out twice(I know that Im very excess with that).Last year of high school started and so did the ”problem”.In the school breaks they were the only one to talk and scream and laugh and I was just the smiling statue.Most of the time I was talking with another girl that came to our gang and she is very calm and concise.But in my inside I was feeling lonely and desperate.I kind of came closer with the first newbie girl,started being myself(not thoroughly),cracking jokes and showing my other humorous side.I wanted to become closer to her just like my bf but she never gave me the chance.She only told my bf about this and that and I was in the cold again.I didnt want to have to ask her about her problems so she would tell me,but have her trust me and talk instead of me.

 

We went out for a few times,the four of us but the same situation was cycled.So I decided to discuss that with my bf and she told me that I have to start being more out-going,too(I agree with that and there’s an improvement) and she’s trying to help me in that.That I don’t have to worry,their friendship is only jokes and stuff nothing deeper or meaningful like our friendship and she only wants to have fun and nothing else.I was feeling relieved after that for one month and a half.But one month ago the three of us had a fight and my bf went to talk with her.So she told to my bf that all this time she was trying to be friendly with me but I was acting cold,that she thinks of my bf like her bf but she never intended to come between us and if that situation keeps going on she will leave.I decided to have a talk with her next day and explain myself and my oddities and she understood.

 

After that we were better but I had often fights with my bf( I forgot to say that after our first discussion we were closer again in the school breaks)in which we were telling meannesses to each other for some mistakes in our personality or from the past,although we admitted that they were childish fights without meaning.But childish or not they still hurt..Anyway,when I talked to my bf after all this,she told me that she loves us both but she considers me of her one half and only best friend and the same things like in our previous talk(that their frienship is like what I see at school only).I should add here that one good thing in our friendship is that we always talk about everything and without pretending and lying.

 

Well,I know that Im much more mature than other kids nowadays but in situations like that I feel like a baby and I cant think clearly.I dont have problem with meeting new friends but to have one call my bf her bf?Just no.And it also hurts me that my bf is more calm around the other girl(she controls her anger more around her) and doing things that I would never ask from her because I know her(and Im a little afraid of her anger),like what happened today for example.I knew that she used to spend Christmas with her family and whenever I asked about going out she always rejected my suggestion.So yesterday I didnt suggest anything and today I learnt that she had gone to the other girl’s place because she called her in the evening and she had(my bf)a fight with her parents,so she decided to go.And one last thing.For the last few months because of our often fights she always told things that I may think or do,that I could never even imagine to think and that also hurts me because I feel like she doesnt trust me.But whenever I eplain myself to her she seems to believe me..As a result I was talking angrily about whats happening,to my mother(she later informs my dad)because I didnt want to lose me temper in front of my bf and now they got angry with her and altough they dont show anything in front of her,they are telling things that hurt me more like”your new friend is doing everything she wants with her”or”she would never run behind you because of her concern”etc..

 

So..that’s pretty much it..If I forgot to say something and there is an obscurity let me know and I will explain.

Oh!And Im generally asking your opinion about my situation.

 

Thank you.!!

[preraph]

I'm going to suggest you do the same thing you'd do if your boyfriend began taking you for granted. Start doing lots of things without her. And don't just pretend to have fun -- Have fun and meet new people and go do fun things. Then when you talk to her, it doesn't need to always be about why she's not as close as she used to be. It will be about how much fun you're having -- and maybe she will start wishing she was taking part a bit more. So just like a boyfriend who is taking you for granted, be a little hard to get. Next time she calls, already have plans to go do something with someone else or by yourself, whatever. And say "Gotta run. Talk to you later."

[Oomlotte]

Preraph is right. I actually did this with a friend and it made our friendship stronger - but I had to accept that it might end before I pulled away.

 

I'd like to ad that people change so much throughout life that you may be growing in different directions - your friendship might change but it doesn't mean you do to care about each other or can't stay I touch- it might just be taking on a different role in your friend and your lives.

[Diana17]

Look gal...

I just think that you are over-thinkin' things..As fas I understood your situation..My opinion is that you have a great friend who just met another girl and they are just in good,friendly terms.Nothing more!!She told you,too right?You have many things in common and grew to depend on each other..You remind me of my BFF(See ''Im so jealous of my BFF'' post)..She is also really needy of me sometimes and she acts like you..So Im saying..Don't worry about anything I can feel your BFF and I know that you mean everything to her just like my BFF does to me.