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I think my boyfriend lied to me about being a virgin and his "adopted" daughter.

jessiew91

By jessiew91
in Second Chances

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jessiew91 New Member

jessiew91

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Posted (edited)

Please Please, I want someone who has the similar experience or at least an experience that can relate to my situation.

 

I met my boyfriend just like how we all meet up.

We had no problem and I liked everything about him, I did not care about my friends telling me that I could do better than him.

 

I am going to be honest, I am not a virgin, but my boyfriend told me he was.

Now, note that I did not even ask if he was a virgin.

 

The first time we met, he told me he had his own house, car and that he had a steady job.He proved it all true.

But again, I have never asked any of these myself, he would tell me these things like he had to make the cut for the raffle.

 

After about a week of talking to each other, he told me that his sister had a baby between her and her boyfriend. He told me that his sister and her boyfriend was in the army and since it was illegal to not get married and have a baby in the base, they had to have their baby adopted to someone.

 

My boyfriend told me he adopted his sister's baby for them. My boyfriend also have told me that his sister and her boyfriend broke up shortly after that. I do not know his sister personally, never have met her nor talked to her before. I heard this story all from my boyfriend and my boyfriend only.

 

But it was true that my boyfriend was taking care of the two year old baby, and that my boyfriend was living with the baby for two years now.

 

It was so weird to me how he was very excited to plan a sleep over with me and have sex. I had to ask him if he was a real virgin or not three times after we had sex for the first time, because he knew perfectly what he was doing. He did not hesitate to try or do anything and did not look awkward by any means. I was actually very surprised that he could do anything like that on the bed, thinking that he is a virgin.

 

It was Christmas not too long ago, and I have not seen him once since the 17th of December. from 17th to 28th, I have not seen him in person, only his text messages. I was very surprised that he would not make a time for us to meet up, no matter how busy he was, especially for a holiday like this. I still have my present to give him in my house, collecting dust. This was all very weird to me how he is "busy" on Christmas day, and told him that I wanted him to come over and see me. We live an hour away from each other, I have always been the one who came over to his town. He told me that he puts a lot of concern for his "adopted daughter" and that he is trying to meet her needs in any given situation and that he did not want to take his "adopted daughter" with him in the cold. I told him that I was not asking him to take his daughter with him and that I drove in the cold as well, but all he says to me is that he is concerned with his daughter. What could make him so busy like that he would not even be able to come over or text his girl friend?

 

When I told him that I have a feeling that he is the two year old baby's real father, he did not answer me and still have not answered me back until now. What is this situation telling me?

 

I started to feel that some things in his story were very strange.

If you are a young woman who were pregnant with a baby, why would you have your BROTHER adopt your baby, when you have a grandmother, and another sister?

 

My boyfriend's house and his grand mother's house is very close, as close as a walking distance. Why would my boyfriend's sister not have her baby to be taken care of by her grandmother?

 

Why does my boyfriend always pick up his "adopted daughter" right after work from his grandmother's house everyday?

 

Why not a fun sleep-over at grandmother's house, not even once?

 

My boyfriend has not given me ANYTHING for the Christmas, I am NOT materialistic individual, but I have my present for him ready and he promised me with so many fun plans (concert, stuffs to get for me and places to go, and three-day trip plans, even.) for Christmas, it is hard not to be disappointed by his promises. But, he had bought his "adopted daughter" a ton of stuff such a table, chair, clothes, shoes, toys, and even an ipad. She is two years old. What kind of uncle does that to his nephew?

 

and why is he not answering my text message back until now?

All these thoughts are floating in my head and I am getting dizzy even to write about it and reminding myself about this again.

 

What am I supposed to make out of this?

 

What would you do?

Edited by jessiew91
strive Established Member

strive

Posted
Posted

It seems to me that you are very insecure about the daughter.

 

A man showing what a devoted father he is score big points for many women. And you should know that children always come first before girlfriends/boyfriends unless they're ****ty parents. If you can't accept that, then you're probably not compatible.

 

That said, the way you tell the story it seems there's something your bf is hiding. It may be a small or a huge secret, but there might be something something there. Is it a big deal to you if it turns out he's not a virgin? Or is the (possible) lying that's bothering you.

  • Like 1
AlphaC Established Member

AlphaC

Posted
Posted

And more important, how long did you "date" this guy. It sounds like you and him are not in a relationship, not a bf/gf one.

 

You obviously don't know this kid you claim to be dating. He doesn't appear too interested in you, he didn't even bother to get you a Christmas present and has not seen you in weeks - just text messages you.

 

My advice, spend a couple of weeks on this site, in particular the "cheating" "break up" and when you are done with those two sections move on to the "coping" section, good luck.

  • Like 1
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

What am I supposed to make out of this?

That you are being lied to about something. Who knows what (of course we are all thinking of incest), but it could be anything,

 

What would you do?

Walk away. Walk away now while you can and before you get more emotionally invested.

  • Like 1
ktya Established Member

ktya

Posted
Posted
What am I supposed to make out of this?

 

What would you do?

 

First off it's really weird. I dont know any guy who would admit he is actually a virgin at that age, except on some anonymous website especially to offer it up.

 

Second it sounds like something out of Jerry Springer. He adopts his sisters baby because she and her boyfriend had a kid and it wasnt convenient for them to figure out how to look after their own child? I can't imagine a woman actually taking a baby to term and just giving it up to her brother out of the gate. The sister apparently broke up with the boyfriend so what stops her from taking her baby back from her brother? Why has she not moved in with her brother to at least co-parent her own child?

 

On the Christmas thing, no matter what the deal is Christmas with kids and family and friends is absolutely nuts. It makes sense for him to not want to do much other than family stuff. I just spent my first Christmas single for a very long time so I understand your apprehension and angst wanting to spend some time with him.

 

On the gifts kids are expensive. It might be too much for him with all the stuff and food he has bought for the kid. He probably will get you something but part of the reason he isnt spending Christmas with you is because he might be low on money.

 

But the gifts are a tiny portion of this.

 

You need to understand just how the deal is that he somehow adopted his sister's kid, seemed to know what he was doing in bed, what the deal with his sister actually is, and straight up tells you that he's a virgin.

 

I just can't imagine his motives for lying to you about that though. Telling a girl that you're a virgin is like saying you live in your mom's basement; women like an experienced man, other than the novelty of being a guy's first. He might be interested in hiding that he has a child for the beginning so as to not weird you out, but he lets on that he adopted his sister's kid and gives you this story which is straight up so much weirder than that he is a single dad I can't see what advantage he would hope to gain by lying.

 

The only angle that I could presume is that he is no virgin, that he has a girlfriend who is away or separated from him that he wants to get back together with, and that "grandma's house" is actually the ex. Spending the Christmas time with the ex both because he wants to and because he has to and possibly that he's trying to get back together with her.

 

That's the only angle I can see for such a zany story, with you being out of town perhaps he feels like he can control the situation enough that you dont find out.

 

Because the story is so zany he might actually be telling the truth too, if he's lying he sure has a strange sense of humor because that sitaution is right weird. To be honest I'm surprised that you even walked into that situation. I talk to girls who are apprehensive just that I have an ex'es kid who calls me dad even though there is no support payments, custody situation or court orders, I just talk to her and see her from time to time.

 

This is downright wack.

  • Like 1
xUnknown Established Member

xUnknown

Posted
Posted
It was so weird to me how he was very excited to plan a sleep over with me and have sex. I had to ask him if he was a real virgin or not three times after we had sex for the first time, because he knew perfectly what he was doing. He did not hesitate to try or do anything and did not look awkward by any means. I was actually very surprised that he could do anything like that on the bed, thinking that he is a virgin.

 

Okay...well for me, I admitted to this chick that I was a virgin. The sex was great, on both ends. She too (just as you) couldn't believe that it was my first time. She said "you're like a F*ckn pro at this...". I guess all that p*rn helped out hahah. But yes, I too admitted I was and rocked the socks off that girl (for 45 mins) like I've been doing it for years. So from my experience, this one doesn't seem off to me.

 

Yes, I agree his grandmothers house is his ex's. He may or may not be tring to get back with her, but thats probably where the kid is at. Most likely he made up that story so that you wouldn't judge him.

 

I would still meet up with the guy...sit him down and talk. Tell him you want to know whats going on with the kid...then, either give him the gift and continue, or break up.

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

Posted
Posted

An iPad for his 2-year-old "daughter"? Umm...unlikely. Probably for the girl's mother......his probably wife or gf.

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jessiew91 New Member

jessiew91

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for all who read my post and replied back to my concerns.

 

my now-an-ex did not want to meet me up because he was worried that he would have to take his daughter with him if he wanted to meet me up.

 

I have met before without the daughter's presence, so I do not know what changed. He just told me that he did not want his daughter to be in a car for an hour because it is "freezing cold" for her and did not want to meet me in person to talk about anything.

 

He, instead, suggested that we Skype.

 

I personally think I have made the right decision to break up with a guy who does not want to even come to see me when we are faced with a problem.

 

Bottom line, I thank you all for your help. I really appreciate them.

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