Girlfriend is pregnant. I really don't want it

[turnera]

I am saying that a child could happen no matter how careful you are. Adults accept that when they hop in the sack that anything could happen and they accept the consequences.

DD23 has two friends out of about 10 who got pregnant while on birth control. She has another friend whose doctor told her she could never have kids, who is now 8 months pregnant.

[Els]

Also, what's up with the holes in condoms thing? Do you not put on your own condoms in reasonable lighting? Can you not see that the condom seal has been tampered with? And that the condom itself has holes, that would stretch when you put it on?

 

Suspicious post.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Legally this will get sorted out in the courts. there are loop holes and other situations probably similar to this to help him, as I'm sure his lawyer will be looking into this deeply.

 

I'm not sure why you're so angry with this poster? He is doing his best due to the circumstances.

 

This woman tried to trap him by poking holes. IF a guy did this to a woman, wanted to get her pregnant and she was unaware, he poked holes in the condom, is she held just as responsible since she had sex??? what if it were you and you weren't ready or sure if you wanted kids. .. ANd lets' say the pill didn't work either, so your back up failed twice.

 

 

 

 

this is totally off topic and has nothing to do with his situation. You are projecting your own anger and issues with men onto this poor guy and his situation. This is not about you and your life/men in your life. Sorry that you've been burned, but it's unfair to dump on other people's threads like this.

 

 

 

Sweetie, I have not been burned by a man in that manner. I am in a 23 year marriage and even though we have our issues, that is not one of them. But thanks for your concern.

 

Morally, it is totally wrong to sabotage birth control. I totally agree with you. She is disgusting and if a man did it, he is disgusting also. But, biologically, the woman has the control over whether to bring a life into the world or not, whether anyone likes it or not. It may not seem fair, but it is what it is. Maybe one day there can be some sort of statute concerning proven sabotage of birth control, but for now, it is what it is.

 

The law is not always fair and what is legal is not always what is morally right.

 

And I am not angry, I am pointing out facts. There are, indeed, men in the world, even today, who think that they should control what a woman does with her body. I will research the case, but there was a case where a guy tried to be absolved of any responsibility because a birth control method failed.

 

I am sorry, but until men can get pregnant, and go through what we do, they should have no say in what we do with a pregnancy.

 

I have yet to see a court case where a father is absolved of any legal responsibility because holes were poked in a condom. And to answer your question, of course, if a woman's birth control were sabotaged and she decided to have the child, she is liable for helping to support that child financially too. But, he legally cannot stop her from aborting either.

 

Is sabotage of birth control reprehensible? Yes. Is it morally repugnant? Hell yes. But will a child be made to suffer financially for it. Likely not. The courts decide what is best for the child, not what the father wants. Or even what the mother wants.

[Rude boy]

I've been up all night with nightmares of a baby the stops breathing the second they hand it to me it was horrible.

 

I called my dad's business attorney and gave him a bit of background, he told me to not sign anything else without an attorney, and also doesn't recommend I talk to her (she's also now in an evaluation unit in the hospital). He also said there are a few things I can do to protect myself, but I should discuss it with the other attorney who has done this for years.

 

He gave me his number to call today. He's got a 4,500 retainer fee which is gonna suck to pay, but he's the best, apparently. I've known my dad's lawyer most of my life and trust his opinion. I recognize the other man's name, but I don't know where from...

 

Like I've said, to me, money isn't as big of an issue as being there I really just don't want to.

Edited January 8, 2014 by Rude boy

[Els]

Like I've said, to me, money isn't as big of an issue as being there I really just don't want to.

 

Child custody and visitation rights are usually something that you have to fight for, AFAIK. The court will likely be quite happy with you just agreeing to pay child support.

[stillafool]

The thing is, you can't convince an abuse victim to leave her abuser, if SHE isn't ready. And most victims try to leave at least 5 times and go back to him, before they've finally had enough. She's psychologically dependent on him and that's not something you guys can change.

 

What you can do, though, is keep an eye on him and make sure he makes plenty of visits to the police station if he continues to harass her, until he's fed up with the lot of you and just leaves.

 

What you can do also is get your brother and kick the living shyt out of your dad's as*s the next time he puts his hands on your mom. No way I would ever let someone put my mom in the hospital and get away with it. I would turn into a tornado right before their eyes.

[stillafool]

Also, what's up with the holes in condoms thing? Do you not put on your own condoms in reasonable lighting? Can you not see that the condom seal has been tampered with? And that the condom itself has holes, that would stretch when you put it on?

 

Suspicious post.

 

I tell guys all the time to always use and put on their own condoms. I've known women who punched holes in condoms to get pregnant by the man they wanted. Some women are sick and disgusting and will do anything to trap the man they want. It's really unfair. Men, do not leave the responsibility of birth control to the woman. Use your own or pay later.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I only hope that one day you do not regret abandoning your child. The child is probably better off if you do since you feel so strongly about walking away. Just be sure to have a good explanation handy when the child looks you up one day, because you will owe him/her that much.

 

Despite what a PP said, I am not angry with you. Just sad for the child. And you, really.

 

Here is hoping that the very confused young woman will get over her obsession with you (gosh I hope so and soon) wise up, grow up, and one day find a good, established, and grown up man who will be happy to be a dad to her child.

Edited January 8, 2014 by DaisyLeigh1967

[Rude boy]

What you can do also is get your brother and kick the living shyt out of your dad's as*s the next time he puts his hands on your mom. No way I would ever let someone put my mom in the hospital and get away with it. I would turn into a tornado right before their eyes.

 

I've thought about it, and almost did once. But she kept standing in front of him saying if I wanted to hit him, I'd have to hit her too. So I just walked away.

 

I agree it would be better to walk away from this child I have no desire in having. Believe me, I know there's nothing worse than a father who doesn't want you but is there anyway.

[somedude81]

Also, what's up with the holes in condoms thing? Do you not put on your own condoms in reasonable lighting? Can you not see that the condom seal has been tampered with? And that the condom itself has holes, that would stretch when you put it on?

 

Suspicious post.

When a guy is in a relationship with a woman he trusts, why should he carefully inspect every condom before use?

 

When I was with my ex, I bought all the condoms, but she knew where I kept them. She could have poked holes in them on the days when she stayed at my apartment while I went to class. Did I check my condoms to see if she had been poking holes? Absolutely not.

 

The thought never occurred to me because I trusted her.

[Arabella]

Also, what's up with the holes in condoms thing? Do you not put on your own condoms in reasonable lighting? Can you not see that the condom seal has been tampered with? And that the condom itself has holes, that would stretch when you put it on?

 

Suspicious post.

 

Occurs to me that poking a sewing needle through the center of a typical unwrapped condom would be nearly undetectable, unless you were actively looking for the tiny hole.

 

I've heard of women doing this before :/

[pteromom]

 

I agree it would be better to walk away from this child I have no desire in having. Believe me, I know there's nothing worse than a father who doesn't want you but is there anyway.

 

There's another option, and that is to be the dad you wished you'd had.

 

You may not have chosen this child, but he/she could end up being the biggest blessing in your life if you just accept and throw yourself into being the best person you can be for your child.

[Debanked]

Pteromom, awesome post.

[Zahara]

You may not have chosen this child, but he/she could end up being the biggest blessing in your life if you just accept and throw yourself into being the best person you can be for your child.

 

^^ This ^^

 

This could be life changing, and in a very positive way. Don't let your contempt for her overshadow what may well be a blessing to you.

[anna121]

Also, what's up with the holes in condoms thing? Do you not put on your own condoms in reasonable lighting? Can you not see that the condom seal has been tampered with? And that the condom itself has holes, that would stretch when you put it on?

 

Suspicious post.

 

I'm not sure how she did it, but if you use a pin that's sufficient, and would be practically undetectable unless you were looking for it. There is an ongoing case in Canada right now (the guy did it - courts considering whether it's sexual assault) and he sabotaged the entire package that way.

[anna121]

I don't think you're a terrible person for not wanting this child, OP. You took reasonable steps to avoid pregnancy and you were betrayed into conceiving.

 

Both sexes have the right to decide their procreative future. It's hardly a moral failing to be unable to muster up the warm and fuzzies in a situation like this.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

I think that one day, you will totally regret walking away from your child. And then, it will be too late.

[Els]

Interesting. I'm curious what sort of condoms you guys get over there. Ones that I have seen are usually sealed in plastic that would be quite noticeable if tampered with - you don't have to specifically look for tampering to notice. I don't get why anyone would even use unwrapped condoms. Not because of this issue, but because unwrapped condoms could have picked up a helluva lot of bacteria from elsewhere. I suppose if the girl was unwrapping the condom, then you might not see. But you statistically need a crapload of tampered condoms to get pregnant, with her unwrapping every time, and even then would you not notice that there is cum seeping out when you take the condom off?

 

I get that it 'can' happen and obviously has in the news, but I suspect that it's played up more often than it actually does.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

Interesting. I'm curious what sort of condoms you guys get over there. Ones that I have seen are usually sealed in plastic that would be quite noticeable if tampered with - you don't have to specifically look for tampering to notice. I don't get why anyone would even use unwrapped condoms. Not because of this issue, but because unwrapped condoms could have picked up a helluva lot of bacteria from elsewhere. I suppose if the girl was unwrapping the condom, then you might not see. But you statistically need a crapload of tampered condoms to get pregnant, with her unwrapping every time, and even then would you not notice that there is cum seeping out when you take the condom off?

 

I get that it 'can' happen and obviously has in the news, but I suspect that it's played up more often than it actually does.

Elswyth, try using a sewing needle to poke holes through a condom while it is still in the wrapper.

 

Then unwrap the condom and try to find the holes.

[Els]

What sort of sewing needle pokes through this:

 

http://www.ladycarehealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Condom.jpg

 

If it's big enough to poke through the thick plastic, it's going to leave a noticeable hole in the plastic. If it's thin enough to not be detected, it ain't getting through the wrapper.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Elswyth

[whichwayisup]

What sort of sewing needle pokes through this:

 

http://www.ladycarehealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Condom.jpg

 

If it's big enough to poke through the thick plastic, it's going to leave a noticeable hole in the plastic. If it's thin enough to not be detected, it ain't getting through the wrapper.

 

Tell me any guy who is gonna notice a tiny hole in the condom package when he is ripping it off in the heat of the moment, possibly in a darkened or dark room....Just sayin'.

[Els]

Tell me any guy who is gonna notice a tiny hole in the condom package when he is ripping it off in the heat of the moment, possibly in a darkened or dark room....Just sayin'.

 

The way I see it, there are a huge number of factors that need to line up for a poke-hole mission to succeed:

 

1) Guy never opens the condom drawer to get anything else out of it at any other time.

2) Guy does not notice the hole in wrapper every single time he has sex (sex in the dark ALL the time? ugh)

3) This repeats enough times for the woman to get pregnant without guy noticing

 

Frankly, IMO it's much easier to just use petroleum-based lube if someone genuinely wanted to sabotage condoms.

 

...Just sayin'.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Elswyth

[somedude81]

Since I have about 500 extra condoms (probably shouldn't have bought so many in bulk) I decided to try it out for myself.

 

Using a sewing needle I poked two holes all the way through a wrapped condom.

 

With good light it's easy to see that the wrapper was damaged. With poor light it was very difficult to see the holes in the wrapper.

 

It is impossible to see the holes in the condom itself under any light.

 

So in conclusion, during a time when lighting isn't the best, and the guy doesn't carefully examine the wrapper before he opens it, he will most likely not realize that it has been damaged.

 

Lets be honest here, most guys are not going examine a wrapped condom at all before they have sex.

Edited January 9, 2014 by somedude81

[anna121]

Interesting. I'm curious what sort of condoms you guys get over there. Ones that I have seen are usually sealed in plastic that would be quite noticeable if tampered with - you don't have to specifically look for tampering to notice. I don't get why anyone would even use unwrapped condoms. Not because of this issue, but because unwrapped condoms could have picked up a helluva lot of bacteria from elsewhere. I suppose if the girl was unwrapping the condom, then you might not see. But you statistically need a crapload of tampered condoms to get pregnant, with her unwrapping every time, and even then would you not notice that there is cum seeping out when you take the condom off?

 

I get that it 'can' happen and obviously has in the news, but I suspect that it's played up more often than it actually does.

 

Um, we get the same condoms as in the US. They are individually wrapped in quite thin plastic.

[pink_sugar]

I only hope that one day you do not regret abandoning your child. The child is probably better off if you do since you feel so strongly about walking away. Just be sure to have a good explanation handy when the child looks you up one day, because you will owe him/her that much.

 

Despite what a PP said, I am not angry with you. Just sad for the child. And you, really.

 

Here is hoping that the very confused young woman will get over her obsession with you (gosh I hope so and soon) wise up, grow up, and one day find a good, established, and grown up man who will be happy to be a dad to her child.

 

In this situation, I would hope for the courts to have the custody removed from the mother given she is obviously not mentally stable enough to raise this child so the child can be put up for adoption to parents who are mentally fit and willing to raise it. I don't blame the OP for wanting to walk away, it may seem cowardly to some people, but this woman altered his life without his permission and not everyone is suitable to be a parent. It's up to the OP to decide if he is capable of being a parent in this situation and if he chooses not to be a part of the child's life that is his decision. What would be wrong would be for him to try and parent a child he really doesn't want. This is no different than if a man tampered with a woman's birth control pills to try and get her pregnant. (Woo hoo for the depo shot!) But we never fault women for that sort of thing, so why is it different for men? Ultimately, she has a right to whether or not to carry the child, raise it or give it up for adoption. The OP shouldn't be forced into this. Yes, I am also wondering how the holes weren't seen, but that is besides the point.