Author Rude boy Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 We had a good time today! we got some great shots too. My ex was probably the happiest I've seen her in awhile. She and I were in some together with the baby, but those are just for the two of us, and maybe our parents. Now we just have to narrow down who we send pictures to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 She told me yesterday she wishes she never had the baby because now she doesn't have me. WHAT?! My heart sunk... I don't wish that. I love that baby more than anything. She's so beautiful and sweet and funny (I could ramble on about her for days.) I love her smell, I love her sighs, I love her. I get it my ex loves me but how could she want me more than our daughter? Our baby hasn't ever done anything to her, while my posts describe... A monster. The baby isn't the issue I have, hell I'd even go as far to say her lying and getting pregnant isn't an issue anymore. Yes, it wasn't her finest moment, but I can look past that for our child and even for her. It boils down to she cheated, and my child has no involvement in that. This isn't fair to my baby... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 She told me yesterday she wishes she never had the baby because now she doesn't have me. WHAT?! My heart sunk... I don't wish that. I love that baby more than anything. She's so beautiful and sweet and funny (I could ramble on about her for days.) I love her smell, I love her sighs, I love her. I get it my ex loves me but how could she want me more than our daughter? Our baby hasn't ever done anything to her, while my posts describe... A monster. The baby isn't the issue I have, hell I'd even go as far to say her lying and getting pregnant isn't an issue anymore. Yes, it wasn't her finest moment, but I can look past that for our child and even for her. It boils down to she cheated, and my child has no involvement in that. This isn't fair to my baby... We can conclude that she had the baby, because she thought it was the key to keeping you. It's sad that this poor child has to suffer because someone brought a child into the world that they really didn't want. Even if you do pursue a relationship with her, it's always going to irk her that she isn't first in your life. And that being said, I'm not sure how this would ever be a healthy relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 We can conclude that she had the baby, because she thought it was the key to keeping you. It's sad that this poor child has to suffer because someone brought a child into the world that they really didn't want. Even if you do pursue a relationship with her, it's always going to irk her that she isn't first in your life. And that being said, I'm not sure how this would ever be a healthy relationship. Honestly, I disagree. This sounds to me like a woman with POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. She needs to get evaluated ASAP. It has nothing to do with her future ability to love and care for her child, or her ability to be a good partner. But she clearly has problems now and they should be addressed! Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 (edited) Honestly, I disagree. This sounds to me like a woman with POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. She needs to get evaluated ASAP. It has nothing to do with her future ability to love and care for her child, or her ability to be a good partner. But she clearly has problems now and they should be addressed! It has nothing to do with PPD...she poked holes in his condoms and got pregnant to tie him down. She couldn't pull the PPD as an excuse back then. It shouldn't be surprising that now once she has the baby she's mad that she doesn't still have 100% of his attention. Her plan didn't work. Edited July 30, 2014 by pink_sugar 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Honestly, I disagree. This sounds to me like a woman with POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. She needs to get evaluated ASAP. It has nothing to do with her future ability to love and care for her child, or her ability to be a good partner. But she clearly has problems now and they should be addressed! It has nothing to do with PPD...she poked holes in his condoms and got pregnant to tie him down. She couldn't pull the PPD as an excuse back then. It shouldn't be surprising that now once she has the baby she's mad that she doesn't still have 100% of his attention. Her plan didn't work. It could be that both things are in play - they are not mutually exclusive. She clearly was a wreck before she got pregnant - witness the poking holes in condoms issue, among others. So that's a factor, and it's not mitigated by the possibility of PPD. However, if she is suffering from PPD, that is another layer that needs to be dealt with, for the good of the child. Unfortunately, if that's in play, it only further destabilizes the dynamics of the situation, but it may be a factor that needs attention. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 I think I've got her talked into being screened the conditions are: I have to take her, we have to go eat after, and that it has to be just the two of us. Not too bad, I guess. I hope this is an easy fix. I want my baby to have good parents. I've been getting discouraged lately. I've got a lot of faults, and I've caused majority of hers. I feel so bad for my daughter because she deserves more than us... Sorry for the pity party, everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 What happened to you going to therapy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 What happened to you going to therapy? Exactly, Rudeboy, it seems you don't like going to therapy, but I wonder if you are relying on this forum too much for issues that are this complicated. Like I said before, if you really don't like your therapist, get another one. Have you ever told your therapist your issues with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'm going to someone new next week. This lady just seemed to have a chip on her shoulder against me. Hopefully this new one works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I'm going to someone new next week. This lady just seemed to have a chip on her shoulder against me. Hopefully this new one works out. Good luck! I got lucky with my first one, but unfortunately for some people, it takes a few tries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Hey RB, how are things going? Did you like the new therapist? I hope you, baby and mom are doing alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 I'm doing well, new therapist was a cool guy. I go again in two weeks. Baby's a sweetheart. I'm pretty sure she loves me. I haven't relapsed, or had a desire to really. I just place baby, reading, shopping and lifting in places where I'd use drugs. I keep buying a bunch of crap though My ex is going to the doctor Thursday. I'm taking her or else she won't go. I want her to get better. She seems to rely on me too much, even if we were together. Hopefully we can figure something out, because she didn't use to be like this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 (edited) I'm glad things are going well. Edited August 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Thanks. I do love my girls, very very much. I feel so guilty for everything I've done and said. I'm going to work for the rest of my life to make it up to my sweet angel. I had no idea I'd be so in love with her. I love being a daddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Thanks. I do love my girls, very very much. I feel so guilty for everything I've done and said. I'm going to work for the rest of my life to make it up to my sweet angel. I had no idea I'd be so in love with her. I love being a daddy. Awww.... You may not be perfect, but you sure have come a LONG way since you began posting in this thread. You really aren't anything like your father. Be proud of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 I'll admit sometimes it's difficult to not be a jerk, but I'm trying. She grabs things briefly (daddy's face being a favorite... Little nails make it less fun) so that's great. Her breathing is a little poor and that's hard for us. I hope it starts getting better. I just feel so complete when I'm with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 8, 2014 Author Share Posted August 8, 2014 I picked her up for her doctor's appointment. She was sad because her best friend's boyfriend proposed after a year... Two and a half years after us. She didn't cry, but didn't speak either. I got a little shakey, if she only knew that I was going to buy her a ring three weeks after she cheated... I was waiting for monetary reasons. She admitted to self harm at the doctor. He put her on medication, but now she can't breast feed. She cried quietly all the way home and said she was a bad partner, mother, and person. She's not. I loved, her and still do. I know she loves the baby deep down. She's sweet, caring, loving, funny and so beautiful. I keep thinking it's my fault. So, I'm trying to see my therapist earlier. I can't keep doing this... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 I picked her up for her doctor's appointment. She was sad because her best friend's boyfriend proposed after a year... Two and a half years after us. She didn't cry, but didn't speak either. I got a little shakey, if she only knew that I was going to buy her a ring three weeks after she cheated... I was waiting for monetary reasons. She admitted to self harm at the doctor. He put her on medication, but now she can't breast feed. She cried quietly all the way home and said she was a bad partner, mother, and person. She's not. I loved, her and still do. I know she loves the baby deep down. She's sweet, caring, loving, funny and so beautiful. I keep thinking it's my fault. So, I'm trying to see my therapist earlier. I can't keep doing this... What medication was she put on? Did she assume she cannot breastfeed or did the doctor tell her that? I'm asking because the most typical medications (SSRIs) for post-partum depression are actually perfectly safe for breastfeeding. You sound very conflicted with your feelings. It almost sounds like you *want* to get over her cheating because you still love her, but are having a hard time. You should definitely talk to your therapist and figure out what you really want to do, then follow through. As you said, you cannot continue to be ambivalent about your relationship with her. It's not fair to either of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) You might like my answer but here it is...I got pregnant by my husband after being married for 2 weeks. His father is a piece of ****... and his mother was not treated right. It makes me angry to think about how he hurt my husband. My husband had a few drinks and started to disrespect me a few nights. So I demanded counseling and told him he would lose me and his son if he continued and I meant it. He did a 180 since then weeks later (and some counseling) and is a great dad and husband. He worries he will become his father and he loves me for the fact I will never allow it. So do your mom some honor. Take care of her. Invite her into your place and allow yourself that you will never be that man to her or this child...you said you loved her right? Enough said.... Edited August 9, 2014 by Groovy Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 OK...sorry I am out of the loop on the most recent posts. Hopefully things will work out but I believe love makes a child yours...not dna. No clue what this other guy is bringing to the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 OK...sorry I am out of the loop on the most recent posts. Hopefully things will work out but I believe love makes a child yours...not dna. No clue what this other guy is bringing to the table. This is not the issue... The baby is biologically his (a DNA test was done). The mother cheated, but the other dude is out of the picture as far as I can tell. OP loves both his baby and his ex but is understandably having difficulty moving past her infidelity. They have been broken up since before the baby was born. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 9, 2014 Author Share Posted August 9, 2014 He advised her not to breast feed for about a week or two. But I've been reading about it, and it's supposed to be fine and a common ppd medication... So now, I'm confused. I don't want anything bad to happen, but I don't want her to be so upset over something she has no reason to be upset about... The little girl is indeed mine. Thank God. This other man has nothing; this other man is nothing. I have a problem with it still that I wish would go away. But I know she'd come over right after having sex with him and sleep in my bed! Hindsight says it was obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted August 9, 2014 Share Posted August 9, 2014 He advised her not to breast feed for about a week or two. But I've been reading about it, and it's supposed to be fine and a common ppd medication... So now, I'm confused. I don't want anything bad to happen, but I don't want her to be so upset over something she has no reason to be upset about... I don't think her doctor knows a thing about breastfeeding. If she doesn't breastfeed for a week or two, her supply is going to dry out completely! Unless she pumps her milk out and throws it out 8-10 times a day. I would not advise doing this. My psychiatrist, my OBGYN and my PCP all told me it was fine to continue breastfeeding. This is assuming that it is the same type of medication. In my case it was Zoloft, but all SSRIs are more or less the same. Please have her talk to an OBGYN or even a lactation consultant before she gives up on breastfeeding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted August 9, 2014 Author Share Posted August 9, 2014 Unless she pumps her milk out and throws it out 8-10 times a day. I would not advise doing this. This was basically his advice. I think he's old and doesn't know what he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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