ja123 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'm praying for you and your daughter, OP! Hang in there. (((((((( HUGS )))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted April 25, 2014 Author Share Posted April 25, 2014 The girl I was with before my ex keeps texting me. She asked me if we could go to dinner tomorrow night and I said yes. My ex saw her texting me and threw a fit saying I never loved her and to get away from her baby. I didn't want to make a scene and got ready to leave. I gave my daughter a kiss and she jumped... I think it startled her. I felt so bad. I just feel like I hurt everyone, and I can't stop it. I didn't go today to give her some space but the whole day I wanted to go see my baby. I already miss my little girl. I don't understand what's happened to me. As weird as it sounds, I don't know why I changed my mind about being a dad. Part of me just wants to stay away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 The girl I was with before my ex keeps texting me. She asked me if we could go to dinner tomorrow night and I said yes. My ex saw her texting me and threw a fit saying I never loved her and to get away from her baby. I didn't want to make a scene and got ready to leave. I gave my daughter a kiss and she jumped... I think it startled her. I felt so bad. I just feel like I hurt everyone, and I can't stop it. I didn't go today to give her some space but the whole day I wanted to go see my baby. I already miss my little girl. I don't understand what's happened to me. As weird as it sounds, I don't know why I changed my mind about being a dad. Part of me just wants to stay away from them. I can understand your feelings RB, especially since you are stuck trying to coparent with this mentally unstable woman for the next 18 years. She has some serious issues. She probably still hasn't entirely gotten over you. How long have you been broken up now? Several months at least, right? What you do that doesn't involve the baby isn't really her business. Try and keep your belongings out of her sight. Link to post Share on other sites
EverLastluv Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 This is a very long and interesting post. Okay! At this time baby not doing well, ex gf strugelling also during this healing process. Why are you feeling to back away? first of all whats is more important here, your baby? OR your ex ex Gf ? Your baby mom just went through a big odeal haveing your daughter. You can expect her to be a lil jelous when you agree to hook up with ur ex gf where you should be staying focus on whats more important, YOUR daughter and Your baby mom! After the healing process is over then you can have time to figure out if you want to go backwards or forward in your life. Honestly speaking ( I would not go back to an EX for conforting or what so ever ) best to keep it moving. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Listen to yourself! It didn't stop you from getting laid though, did it? Now the consequences of your actions have become an inconvenience to you ... at the "worst possible time!" Too F'n bad! Man the F up and be there for your girlfriend. You're creating all kinds of dramatic scenarios here and in your mind of why you should be off the hook. Simple fact is, too late for that. Face the situation you have created and deal with it like an adult. You are being so mean and unfair to your girlfriend, it's pathetic. This being the last post I saw I don't think he's being mean or unfair at all he's being honest when he says that issues from his past are making it hard for him to fathom being a parent himself. If anything that's more a reflection on his own parents then himself heck ide rather he acknowledge this now then force the issue and end up repeating the cycle of abuse! just my opinion tho also lets not forget she cheated on the op so she's no saint on high eater.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) For cripes sake, do you have to have a gf right now? And if so, why on Earth don't you turn off your phone when you are with your daughter? With all of your issues, I don't understand why you are dating. Seriously, I think you need counseling and focusing on yourself and your child, not some other woman. Maybe after awhile, after you get your head on straight, but not now. What if you get someone else pregnant? And I am not saying that in support of you getting back with the Ex. But geez, your baby is in NICU, fighting for her life. I am sure her mother is frantic and vulnerable. Give the girl a break and keep your phone off. Just for now, have some compassion in that regard. Edited April 26, 2014 by DaisyLeigh1967 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 I wouldn't go with her before visiting hours were over. We went a little late, it was ok. We talked about me having a kid, something I never wanted, but how much I love my baby. I went back to her place, and I couldn't think of anything but reasons to leave. I told her I had to go and she got mad. I've come to the conclusion all the women in my life are unstable. My ex and I have been over since she cheated, but didn't break up until January. I love her and I don't want to hurt her. But is that any reason to not move on? I didn't sleep with the other girl, and I have no intention in getting back together with her. But there's no reason I can't go have dinner with someone on a Friday night after the hospital kicks us out. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I wouldn't go with her before visiting hours were over. We went a little late, it was ok. We talked about me having a kid, something I never wanted, but how much I love my baby. I went back to her place, and I couldn't think of anything but reasons to leave. I told her I had to go and she got mad. I've come to the conclusion all the women in my life are unstable. My ex and I have been over since she cheated, but didn't break up until January. I love her and I don't want to hurt her. But is that any reason to not move on? I didn't sleep with the other girl, and I have no intention in getting back together with her. But there's no reason I can't go have dinner with someone on a Friday night after the hospital kicks us out. Maybe not. Just be considerate for now is all I am saying Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I think there's a pretty good reason not to go out to dinner with ex ex: to avoid additional drama when your life is already full of it. From my perspective, most (stable) women would avoid dating a new father, even without the additional challenges of premature birth and baby mama drama. What does it say about your ex that she feels this is an appropriate time to make her move? Are you attracted to crazy women? Don't you have other friends you can have dinner with? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 For cripes sake, do you have to have a gf right now? And if so, why on Earth don't you turn off your phone when you are with your daughter? What makes you think he was using his phone when he was with his daughter? Chill out, will you? Can we agree that he clarified after you jumped to that conclusion? Maybe not. Just be considerate for now is all I am saying Maybe you could do the same for the OP? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Since this was not a planned pregnancy, it is understandable that your emotions will not be consistent right now. Add to that a baby that is struggling health wise and your emotional roller coaster makes even more sense. You are raw right now, as is your ex who just gave birth. Try to focus just on the baby and making sure YOU get rest, and try to eat healthily as well. After giving birth a woman goes through a whole span of emotions, and when the baby is struggling, there's worry on top of it. Take it a day at a time. Every day, say "Today, I will give love to my daughter and take good care of myself and be kind to my baby's mother as best I can." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 OP, please know that premature baby girls have a better survival rate. One of my best friends nearly died together with her daughter when the placenta ruptured. For weeks it was tricky and we would not know if the baby would develop health or mental problems later on in life but she is now a feisty little girl, very clever who just started school. Good luck with your difficult situation. All you can really do is be the best parent you can be, no matter what the child's mother is like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 When I was with my "ex ex" I couldn't stand her. She was rude, obnoxious, and loud. Saying things like "I'm not surprised. I always knew she was crazy." And "she roped you in good." I either nodded or said yep. I wanted to tell her to shut her mouth. I can say things like that, but she can't. The only thing I agreed with was talking about the guy she cheated on me with. Her exact sentence will probably never leave my mind, "crazy Sam? She cheated on you of all people with crazy Sam? That's absolutely disgusting. I'm surprised she didn't vomit afterwards." This statement is one I completely and always will agree with. I will never get back together with her for that reason alone. Not only is it disgusting, it's embarrassing. Did I go back to her apartment fully intending on screwing her brains out? God yes. But, I couldn't. I could not bring myself to take more than my shoes off. I kept thinking about my daughter and her mother, and even though I'd been at the hospital all day, I wanted to go back. I told her I couldn't do it, but maybe next time and left. For the record, my ex and I were having lunch. She saw my phone go off on the table. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 What makes you think he was using his phone when he was with his daughter? Chill out, will you? Can we agree that he clarified after you jumped to that conclusion? Maybe you could do the same for the OP? Fair enough. But he did state that his babys mom was upset at the texts,which tells me the phone was on during the visits to the baby because I thought he didn't see the baby's mom outside of the hospital. I guess I just don't understand dating at a time like this. And especially with an ex-gf. But whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 What makes you think he was using his phone when he was with his daughter? Chill out, will you? Can we agree that he clarified after you jumped to that conclusion? Maybe you could do the same for the OP? When I was with my "ex ex" I couldn't stand her. She was rude, obnoxious, and loud. Saying things like "I'm not surprised. I always knew she was crazy." And "she roped you in good." I either nodded or said yep. I wanted to tell her to shut her mouth. I can say things like that, but she can't. The only thing I agreed with was talking about the guy she cheated on me with. Her exact sentence will probably never leave my mind, "crazy Sam? She cheated on you of all people with crazy Sam? That's absolutely disgusting. I'm surprised she didn't vomit afterwards." This statement is one I completely and always will agree with. I will never get back together with her for that reason alone. Not only is it disgusting, it's embarrassing. Did I go back to her apartment fully intending on screwing her brains out? God yes. But, I couldn't. I could not bring myself to take more than my shoes off. I kept thinking about my daughter and her mother, and even though I'd been at the hospital all day, I wanted to go back. I told her I couldn't do it, but maybe next time and left. For the record, my ex and I were having lunch. She saw my phone go off on the table. I was actually just about to ask if she was looking at your phone or something when you said she found out about your ex. It really isn't her business, so I would advise to keep it out of sight next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 The girl cheated on him. Thus, she lost him and has no rights to him any more. Good lesson for her to learn, methinks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 She asked me how things went with my "girlfriend" I told her I didn't have a girlfriend, just my baby. She just started to cry and said she didn't understand why I went to dinner with her. I said it was because I thought there was still something there, but there wasn't. When we left she handed me an envelope and asked me to read it when I got home. I haven't opened yet because I'm kind of afraid of what it'll say. On the bright side, my daughter might get to come home this weekend. Cue the tears. I'm so excited to get to snuggle her and kiss her without someone looking over my shoulder. She still jumps if you touch her without talking to/by her first... It makes my heart hurt. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I think you should forget dating others and just focus on your new baby girl and figuring out a way to get along with ex -mom of your child, to get to a point where there's mutual respect and care for each other, friendship FOR the sake of your child. Getting involved with someone else at this point (and you're far from over your recent ex in the sense of being in a healthy frame of mind and timing is off too) is just going to add unnecessary stress and take time away from your new born. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 The girl cheated on him. Thus, she lost him and has no rights to him any more. Good lesson for her to learn, methinks. This right here. Very valid point. She really has no right to judge him considering how much she manipulated this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 This right here. Very valid point. She really has no right to judge him considering how much she manipulated this guy. And? It may not be her business but it is kind of jerky to shove it in her face too. Especially at a time like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Like Fairy Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 On the bright side, my daughter might get to come home this weekend. Cue the tears. I'm so excited to get to snuggle her and kiss her without someone looking over my shoulder. She still jumps if you touch her without talking to/by her first... It makes my heart hurt. Being the Premie she is, wherever she is coming home to, treat her like a fragile piece of china. Her skin must be very sensitive, to jump the way she does whenever she is touched without warning. Her nervous system may not be fully developed (she should have still been in the womb until June, right?) and these startles she is getting from touch without warning have got to be nerve wracking for that poor little angel........ God bless you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rude boy Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 I didn't push anything in her face, at least I hope not. I only answered her questions. I don't love the other girl anymore. I thought I did, but now I know I don't. I do love my baby though. I love her more than I thought I would. She's wonderful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Like Fairy Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I do love my baby though. I love her more than I thought I would. She's wonderful. You might want to swing by a book store and get a book about caring for Preemies - you could even buy 2 copies and give one to the baby's mother. One good read is "Preemies - 2nd Edition - The Essential Guide For Parents of Premature Babies" by Linden, Wechsler, Paroli and Trenti. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 And? It may not be her business but it is kind of jerky to shove it in her face too. Especially at a time like this. I don't see how he shoved it in her face. She really shouldn't be monitoring his phone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 And? It may not be her business but it is kind of jerky to shove it in her face too. Especially at a time like this. Yes, it would be. And how did he do that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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