napaJ Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 First post, nice to have found this forum. I have had 5 girlfriends in the last 5 years lasting exactly 1 year each and each starting within weeks of the previous one, all ended by my gf on account of me not caring enough. I've never really tried to figure out what that meant exactly since I started a new relationship so fast so I just chalk it up to kismet or phony excuse or general incompatibility, but there seems to be some repetition here..this is reinforced by the fact that they are of very different cultural backgrounds with varying personalities and tastes and every one has given me almost the exact same reason. I don't think my behavior changed much at all through each year but my adulation for my gf doesn't really get any stronger either, it sort of reaches a certain plateau and then stagnates, and when we are broken up I don't have a really hard time moving on because there's no guilt or remorse as I was the one who got dumped. But I'm not exactly crushed either. I'm hypothesizing that what attracted me to them in the first place was also what drove them away. I remember my last gf told me she liked how I approached her. This is her analysis not mine. She was sitting on a bench by a river in a real touristy area in Hongkong and I sat down next to her (actually I sat between her and some other guy and this was a clearly a bench meant for two, the other guy asks me "you're gonna sit here"? "yes" I replied, he scoffs in disbelief and walks away) and asked her why she was sitting by herself. I spoke to her in real ****ty canto and she looked at me like I was a complete joke. It was pretty brutal since she gets approached quite a bit I guess but it didn't faze me, when I'm truly blown away by some girl and really want to talk to her these things barely register. I tried English instead since most locals speak English better than mandarin and still nothing. I asked her if she was a mute and got not response. Finally I asked her in Mandarin if she wanted to take the ferry with me back to the other side for some late night snack and she agreed. Later on she told me she was trying so hard to hold back the laughter because I was genuine and cute, but very gauche. We had almost nothing in common whether it was background (besides the fact that we're both asian, she's half), taste in food or clothing or music, education/career ambitions or what have you. It was pretty weird but we ended up talking the whole night and she said she loved listening to me talking about my interests and job even though she had absolutely no understanding ( I work in AI, she is in sales) and she wasn't even listening for the content, just focusing on my expressions and gesticulations. She was hooked. We talked/texted a lot every and I really liked her. Sex was phenomenal and she would rape me twice a day for the first 4 months. The breakup came like a whirlwind. And this is the part that I never really understood. I think what she was saying is that I can be incredibly passionate when it comes to talking about things that I'm interested in but not so much when it's about things that only she's into. In other words, I didn't reciprocate? Isn't that only natural? For ex., I introduce her to some music I like and made a video of our trip to Tahoe against a medley of Metheny tracks (which will bring any woman to her knees..) but her taste in music is so cringeworthy that I avoid it altogether or try to change topic immediately. I love talking to her about anything I find interesting but when it comes to politics (which she likes and I don't, the problem is she's misinformed like most) I shut down immediately. I do make the effort to listen and respond but there's no real communication, it's quite palpable. She admits I comfort her, hug her, kiss her, give her advice but it's all too mechanical and can come off as somewhat disingenuous (which I resent), I listened to every word she said and choose my own words very carefully, advice was given to the best of my knowledge even if I felt it had no real impact. Recalling all this really makes me sad. At the conclusion of the last paragraph I realized I've lost my point and has just been meandering about my recollection of how we met (although it was meant to be contexualized) but I guess I just wanted to let it out as it was eating me up and affecting my work, I do miss her at times. The larger question at hand is what is she really saying. Was SHE being truthful? Is this a one off or material? Do I have to engage them in every conversation as if I'm incredibly passionate? Why does it last one year exactly? Do girls always expect more than what you present initially, because I think that's about it for me, I lay it all out on the first conversation and talk way too much. Why do I meet a new girl so fast and immediately forget the last one? Does this mean I haven't found my true soulmate? Is this normal? Can I just date a few more? I'm 26 now if that matters. Thanks guys!
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