StringsAttached Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 So I love music. It's my world and it helps me get through great pain and sadness. Thing is me and my ex built our relationship around music when we were too busy to talk we'd send each other songs to listen to and when we weren't busy we'd introduce music into many of our conversations. Now that she is gone I don't want to listen to music. I can't even begin to think about listening to the great bands we discovered. However, i've heard that an essential part of the grieving process is to listen to sad songs so i've conjured up a list of the songs that make me think about her the most. Should I keep playing these songs until she is gone from them? I'm talking great bads APC/Deftones/Radiohead and many lesser-known bands like pinback/circa survive and explosions in the sky. I love these bands i'm open to all music but Indie/Alt. Rock truly capture who I am. Any advice? Should I play these songs to death to mourn the relationship or erase them permanently from my mind? If it helps it's been almost 9 months since our breakup but after 5 months NC I got friend-zoned and she found someone else.
strive Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I had a hard time listening to music I used to love during those first few weeks. The fact that I was always the one making our playlist is tougher. But then I started listening to other genres. I love alternative rock and grunge, but after the BU I can't listen to them anymore. So I started listening to rap and techno. It helped a lot. While it's not something I like as a genre, it's definitely different and I'm growing to like them now. So maybe try a different genre and discover a different side to music. 2
Author StringsAttached Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 I had a hard time listening to music I used to love during those first few weeks. The fact that I was always the one making our playlist is tougher. But then I started listening to other genres. I love alternative rock and grunge, but after the BU I can't listen to them anymore. So I started listening to rap and techno. It helped a lot. While it's not something I like as a genre, it's definitely different and I'm growing to like them now. So maybe try a different genre and discover a different side to music. My ex after she dumped me went through this whole grieving process to forget me. She collected things that reminded her of me. Like NY yankees memorabilia and what not. She started listening to rap too because there's not as much emotion as say the strumming of a guitar. I sent her entire playlists full of songs from different genres so I don't know which one to choose!
loveiswar101 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I believe music does help heaps, but not what you as a couple would listen to or what you first heard together. I've gone back to my roots, lucky for me my roots were 80's and early 90's. U2, Pearl Jam etc, can't go wrong there folks. 2
Author StringsAttached Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 I believe music does help heaps, but not what you as a couple would listen to or what you first heard together. I've gone back to my roots, lucky for me my roots were 80's and early 90's. U2, Pearl Jam etc, can't go wrong there folks. I just want to speed up the healing process, she wasn't who I thought she was so I thought maybe i'd beat everything to death in our relationship until it has no meaning any more? I still love that girl who dumped me long ago but not who she's become.
Poppyolive Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 WHATEVER you do, don't listen to this; 1
Insanityisdoingsame Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Whats up with radio constantly playing that song " only miss your lover when you let her go....and you let her go.." 4
Lisa22 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Whats up with radio constantly playing that song " only miss your lover when you let her go....and you let her go.." LOL! So glad to know I'm not the only one who has noticed this trend too! I swear this song is on the radio on multiple stations all the time!! 1
AnyaNova Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Whats up with radio constantly playing that song " only miss your lover when you let her go....and you let her go.." Oh lord!!!! I heard that on the way home for thanksgiving break. It was so my ex I think I cried for the next ten miles. I hope to never ever hear that song again! 1
AnyaNova Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 You know, I've really taken comfort in Iron and Wine/Calexico's "history of lovers" On the one hand, thankfully, as far as I know :-p, nobody died because of our relationship. However the relationship described in the song sounds like it is pretty on par for total dysfunctionality as my and my ex were. I, can, be capable of a rather dark and sardonic form of humor. The situation with my ex rather calls for such.
Author StringsAttached Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 I compiled a list of all the songs we listened to over the years and have been listening to each one in turn. It's actually quite freeing. I broke down sure...but it helps! It's like trying to hold on to a dream for the remainder of the day. You can picture it fresh when you wake up but gradually it fades away... This is what is happening with the songs, she's gradually being removed from them. Will she be gone from them 100%? Never. But i'm sure it'll be at a level at which I can cope.
Author StringsAttached Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Whats up with radio constantly playing that song " only miss your lover when you let her go....and you let her go.." Should not have listened to that. Haven't sobbed like that in a while. 1
Insanityisdoingsame Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 Should not have listened to that. Haven't sobbed like that in a while. The first time I heard that song was random on pandora (sad breakup station) I was riding my bike 3 miles from her house to my house. We hung out for a hour or so then she was going on a date with her "new guy" and his family. It was night time and dark outside. This song came while I was biking and I started to get all emotional. Then I took a left turn towards my neighborhood...I wasn't paying attention and ran right into the front of a moving car going 45mph. I went flying and half my bike was wrecked. Laying on the pavement in middle of street feeling like crap. The car that hit me stopped for a second then drove off. Didn't bother to see if I was ok. I walked my bike back to my house my knee and butt cheek bleeding.. I have a nice little scar on my butt cheek, elbow, and knee thanks to this song
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