terra Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I'm not sure what to do with my feelings of jealousy. I feel like as an adult I should just get over it but it bothers me. I love my parents and my sister but I feel resentment and when little things come up, it brings up other instances in my past and I feel like I react in a pretty petty way. It's things like, my parents paid for my sister's college, not mine. She really needed a car, they just bought one for her, while I went with out until I could afford to get my own. Should I just pull on my big girl panties and get over it, or should I say something to my parents? I just don't want to hurt them. They were supportive and helped me out when necessary but definitely not to the extent of my sister. Maybe they felt that she needed it more? I know that sometimes being fair doesn't mean being equal. I feel pathetic that this bothers, me, but alas, it does. Your thoughts would be appreciated. T.
Kizza Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 How old are you? if you don't mind asking? Perhaps your personality has them treating you like a person with strength and she is the kind of person that needs more help? It is hard to answer sorry, not enough information. Do they outright favour your sister or is it something different. If you are an older person like 20 and older maybe you could raise it with them in a non confrontational way. They may have a very good reason for what they do? 1
nescafe1982 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Perhaps your personality has them treating you like a person with strength and she is the kind of person that needs more help? This is what I was thinking, too. It's a good way to spin it in order to void taking it personally. Your parents are probably not totally aware of what they're doing... and they may not change. My folks are very much like this with my brother (the boys in my family have always been favored over the girls, and the trend is observable over generations). Sometime it stings me too, the type of jealousy you're describing. But I would tell myself what Kizza says, "well, my brother needs more attention," and that helps a little. In my circumstance, though... it's true. My brother has always been a problem kid (drugs, jail, etc) and did need more help. In the long-term (depending on your age, of course), it might be a worthwhile exercise to scale down how much approval you need from your parents. We all seek our parents' approval and acceptance; it's natural. But if they are incapable of giving it-- through favoritism, mental illness, unavailability, etc,-- it's a good thing to work towards finding acceptance and approval from ourselves instead.
Author terra Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 it might be a worthwhile exercise to scale down how much approval you need from your parents. We all seek our parents' approval and acceptance; it's natural. But if they are incapable of giving it-- through favoritism, mental illness, unavailability, etc,-- it's a good thing to work towards finding acceptance and approval from ourselves instead. I think this is what I need to do. Thanks for listening everyone. 1
Blade96 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 But if they are incapable of giving it-- through favoritism, mental illness, unavailability, etc,-- it's a good thing to work towards finding acceptance and approval from ourselves instead. This is what dr phil always says in his shows whenever had a guest who was mistreated by someone. I think it's nice advice.
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