Jead Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 My boyfriend of 13 months recently dumped me at the start of November. He is 25 and I am 28 and it was the first breakup I've ever been thru. The pain was tremebdous and ashamed as I am to admit, I behaved like a crazy girl by blowing his phone up every day with long emotional messages. It got to the point where he said I had proven to be crazy and that i needed a new boyfriend. Suddenly someone I knew so well turned into a cold, mean person that I didn't know at all! Fast forward to Christmas. I hadn't had contact with him in 2 weeks and foolishly sent him a merry Christmas text that he of course didn't reply to. I was hurt but the picture that was publicly posted on facebook with him spending the day with his new girlfriends family cut right to the bone. Of course I researched this girl and came to find out she is 38 (again he is 25) and has two small kids ( one is just learning to walk) and she looks nothing at all like his type. The more research I did I found out it was his buddy's at works girl that I had heard him talk about before. These two were together 4 years and was last a couple in September and these two kids are his. The ex of the new girlfriend has even reached out to me to cry the blues about how they are both blowing his phone up wanting money and trying to take his joint rights away! Jay has never been around kids....this girls got baggage galore with her kids and babby daddy issues. Not to mention has been married twice. Jay hates drama and I can't believe he has gotten sucked into all this. Him, new girl, and her baby daddy that has friended me all work together and apparently is drama city. Jay is like a totally different person and trying to play dad to these kids (he isn't a kid person unless they were his own) and I'm just trying to figure out what's going on here! Its a bit of an ego blow to be left for a girl that is the complete opposite of me.
headinthecloud Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this but you desperately need to go full NC and start healing. He left you for someone else...that says it all. I would just move on and start working on yourself. Check out the links in my signature as a starting point. You and your ex are no longer together. That means he doesn't want you in his life. It's not your fault he's stupid because he didn't know what he had. Forgive yourself for reacting poorly to the BU, it happens. But start fresh today and make you the priority. Anything he does doesn't matter anymore. Be strong, you'll get through this.
Keenly Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 What he is doing is none of your concern any longer. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on and be happy again. 2
Author Jead Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I understand that its none of my business but he had no clear answer as to why he ended things. He didn't even properly end things....just said he needed space and time alone. This new him comes as such a shock that I can't figure out what the hell happened. Its difficult to let go and move on when you have so many unanswered questions and no closure
lop98 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 He's not going to give you closure and you'll stay with your questions for as long as you recover. Yes, seeing him move on and contradict whatever BS he told you in order to end the relationship is an ego blow, it hurts so much (I would know) but seeing his life through the screen of your computer or cellphone is a bigger ego blow and it is operated by YOU. It took me many months to find closure and I found it, and in my case finding closure was realizing that the relationship had to end so I could find the person I am with now. That was my closure and everyone's "closure" is as different as everyone's course of life is. He's not going to hand it to you because it's up to you to figure it out, and it's not some drive-thru meal, it takes months, it takes healing... Just do yourself a favor and block him everywhere, focus on getting better, on stopping the obsessive thoughts, forget about what they're doing and focus on what YOU are doing. The relationship is over, there's no return, it's a loss and it's going to hurt but that's life, chin up and move on.
JDPT Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I understand that its none of my business but he had no clear answer as to why he ended things. He didn't even properly end things....just said he needed space and time alone. This new him comes as such a shock that I can't figure out what the hell happened. Its difficult to let go and move on when you have so many unanswered questions and no closure Bottom line is he no longer chooces to proceed with the relationship. Don't rationalize the irrational and simply gracefully accept his decision and start focusing on what really matter which is you. I know this May be a though pill to swallow but you need to start thinking about yourself.
headinthecloud Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Closure is a mythical creature that exists in fairy tales and hollywood rom-com movies. Only you can give yourself closure. The reality is he lied to you about "needing space", he already started moving on long before you BU which is why he "jumped" into another RS. It's awful, I know how terrible the feeling of betrayal is when someone you trusted broke that trust. But know that you will get over this. It starts with deleting his existence from you life - online and otherwise. It takes months to get over it, but you will love again. Have faith in what will be.
2fargone Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I understand that its none of my business but he had no clear answer as to why he ended things. He didn't even properly end things....just said he needed space and time alone. This new him comes as such a shock that I can't figure out what the hell happened. Its difficult to let go and move on when you have so many unanswered questions and no closure Trust me on this, it won't be easier when you do have the answers. Because it won't be answers you would want to hear or find acceptable. Most of us have been there. 1
BC1980 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Trust me on this, it won't be easier when you do have the answers. Because it won't be answers you would want to hear or find acceptable. Most of us have been there. True. You might find answers that you aren't ready to handle or do not want to hear. I don't want to know anything about my ex because I'm not going to risk finding out something that would destroy me further.
Eau Claire Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 (edited) None of this is your business. I agree with headinthecloud on closure. No answer there is going to help because you are not rational in your behaviour. Just a note. If the roles were reversed, you may have a cop knocking on your door if crazy phone calls were left. Edited December 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Recommended Posts