Ruby Slippers Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 Sorry to be blunt, but this guy sounds totally messed up. You can't "save" him. If you try, he'll just drag you down. I'd end this relationship and move on. 2
CarrieT Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 I am utterly ashamed that I gave him any of my time and because he is in hospital I can't justifiably get mad. Of course you can be mad. Be mad. Stay mad. I left the hospital crying at his betrayal. I hope you won't go back. 1
beach Posted January 5, 2014 Posted January 5, 2014 What is he in the hospital for? While he's there - it's a good time to pack your things and get out while you can without him hurting you while leaving!
Author D_Gost Posted January 5, 2014 Author Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) What is he in the hospital for? While he's there - it's a good time to pack your things and get out while you can without him hurting you while leaving! An infection in his Appendectomy wound. He's living with me.... I don't want to see him at all when he leaves the hospital. He claims that I have borderline personality disorder (i.e., my emotional response to his behavior is unwarranted and disordered). He told this to the nurses too. Edited January 5, 2014 by D_Gost
beach Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Tell his Mom he needs to live with her. Pack his things and drop them off after changing the locks. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Honest to god, you picked a real winner here. I'll bet the house that women all over the world are lining up right outside your door just for the chance to get close to him. Seriously. Come on man. I don't know you from Adam but I'll bet anything that you can do better than this. Please do yourself a favor and move on. You deserve a little better. 1
Author D_Gost Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 I've packed away some of his things now. I felt the need to phone his ex. She's actually really laid back and kind. This is a surreal, bizarre turn of events. Two women who fell for his little lost boy who was betrayed by life act and tried to help him. He didn't want me to talk to his ex. She even told me she think he uses sex to self-medicate.... because his anxiety is so bad.
curlygirl40 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 OP I don't say this lightly when I say according to what I'm reading in your original post, I'm thinking your boyfriend might have Aspergers. Google it. Not saying that it's an excuse for his behavior but A LOT of what you said in your original post sounds like my now ex husband and my son, who both have it. Difficulty in social situations Eating the same foods for days on end Anxiety to things like loud noises Not being able to empathize with how you feel about a situation Sensory issues with clothing Google it and see if it fits him. If he does have Asperger's Syndrome then there is a lot of information out there. Information is key here! My ex husband was never diagnosed (until he was about 50!) and struggled quite a bit and our marriage was very difficult on me (and him). He had anger issues, drank to self medicate, isolated himself from friends and family. He never had the knowledge of what Asperger's was and how to deal with it. My son on the other hand was diagnosed at the age of 10 and is doing VERY well. Having the information about his diagnosis and knowing how to help him (therapy, occupational therapy) was key for him and the reason why he's doing so well. Knowledge is power. Best of luck to you!
Author D_Gost Posted January 6, 2014 Author Posted January 6, 2014 OP I don't say this lightly when I say according to what I'm reading in your original post, I'm thinking your boyfriend might have Aspergers. Google it. Not saying that it's an excuse for his behavior but A LOT of what you said in your original post sounds like my now ex husband and my son, who both have it. Difficulty in social situations Eating the same foods for days on end Anxiety to things like loud noises Not being able to empathize with how you feel about a situation Sensory issues with clothing Google it and see if it fits him. If he does have Asperger's Syndrome then there is a lot of information out there. Information is key here! My ex husband was never diagnosed (until he was about 50!) and struggled quite a bit and our marriage was very difficult on me (and him). He had anger issues, drank to self medicate, isolated himself from friends and family. He never had the knowledge of what Asperger's was and how to deal with it. My son on the other hand was diagnosed at the age of 10 and is doing VERY well. Having the information about his diagnosis and knowing how to help him (therapy, occupational therapy) was key for him and the reason why he's doing so well. Knowledge is power. Best of luck to you! I actually dated a guy with Aspergers before I got together with the current guy (who I actually have been with twice from 2006 and from 2012-2013) and when I suggested to the current guy that I noticed some trait similarities between them he gets into a jealous rage. He will never accept seeking a diagnosis, possibly on the basis of this. I think I even picked the guy with Aspergers because he was aloof and very much in his mind like the current guy! Of course it could never work with either because I am very emotional and up front about things if I feel used or overlooked. In sum - I think you're right, mr current has some asperger traits.
curlygirl40 Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I actually dated a guy with Aspergers before I got together with the current guy (who I actually have been with twice from 2006 and from 2012-2013) and when I suggested to the current guy that I noticed some trait similarities between them he gets into a jealous rage. He will never accept seeking a diagnosis, possibly on the basis of this. I think I even picked the guy with Aspergers because he was aloof and very much in his mind like the current guy! Of course it could never work with either because I am very emotional and up front about things if I feel used or overlooked. In sum - I think you're right, mr current has some asperger traits. I was married to my ex for 18 years. Things only got worse with time. Eventually I had a choice to make. When it all came down to it, the choices were simple. I could live like that for the rest of my life, or I couldn't. I chose not to. He would never admit he had a problem so therefore he wouldn't seek help. So therefore really, the choice was simple. No, it wasn't simple or easy to divorce after 18 years with 2 teenagers, but I knew that he wouldn't get help and I couldn't live like that any longer. He was controlling. But it wasn't him trying to control me as much as it was him trying to control the world around him because of his anxiety. In your example I could say possibly he wants to walk instead of taking transit because something about transit triggers his anxiety. The noise, the confusion, the not knowing when the stops are coming. Something about that triggers his anxiety. But instead of him realizing it or admitting it to you, it's easier for him to insist 'I love the walk!'. My ex wouldn't let us have company over the house because it was too expensive! All that food and etc. to have a dinner party. But in reality he didn't want to have to socialize. If I had family over he would isolate himself in the basement. Things like that. Good luck! I think it's best if you walk away. You deserve better. 1
Els Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 A few things I actually agree with (IMO not going to a male friend's room alone while in a R is just simple respect) - but this R just sounds exhausting and terrible in general. Why are you still here?
beach Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 I can't imagine why a 30 year old man wouldn't work! And why would you respect him when he mooching off you - and complaining about things? Be on your own for a long while to see what normal looks like for you. Allowing any man (or anyone) control you like that shows signs that you need help understanding for yourself what a healthy, balanced relationship should look like. I hope you seek guidance after removing him from your space.
charlietheginger Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 Sounds like he is the one with the BPD
ThaWholigan Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 OP, I echo CurlyGirl's suggestion that your BF may be autistic. Being that I am diagnosed as being such myself, I am loathe to diagnose people over the net on a whim, but the signs throughout your posts on him suggest that he's on the spectrum. Having said that, whether he's autistic or not, this doesn't sound like a good situation for you to be in and you should really consider whether this is the kind of relationship you want to continue having. Especially if he's unwilling to see someone over his idiosyncrasies and odd behaviors. 1
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