krista28 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 so I have been talking to this guy for over a year that I went to highschool with. we have been talking, I trusted him. I wanted to date him. I guess he took that for granted and was dead set on not doing long distance. so...I told him that I wouldn't go out to visit him where he lives, and that his chances were over. and that it wasn't gonna happen and I wasn't gonna visit him. he replied it doesn't affect me whatsoever if you come to visit me, and that he never asked for a chance he wont do long distance. even tho we talk every day. and...so I trusted him with stuff I told him..and he responded that he thinks I cant get mad when guys don't like me, that's not how life works...and that I am the reason because when they don't want to I get mad and swear. I don't know..i got so angry..and I just cant believe he said it doesn't affect me at all if you wont visit me. at one point he even said he might do long distance...I just think hes an *******.
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 what you told him doesn't mean you can or cannot trust him with whatever you said to him in confidence and that seems like a separate issue. It sounds like he is saying exactly what he means, and sometimes you may have to take things at face value.
Author krista28 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I suppose you are right... the guy doesn't care at all..hurts. kinda almost seems like he said it just to hurt me.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 You wanted him to be devastated because you won't come to visit him. He wasn't. He told you that he wasn't as emotionally invested as you are. Now you're angry. Not the most mature reaction but a human one, nonetheless. What I don't get is why you think you can't trust him? Where did that come from. He seems to be honest, maybe even honest to a fault 2
Fondue Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 You wanted him to be devastated because you won't come to visit him. He wasn't. He told you that he wasn't as emotionally invested as you are. Now you're angry. Not the most mature reaction but a human one, nonetheless. What I don't get is why you think you can't trust him? Where did that come from. He seems to be honest, maybe even honest to a fault Absolutely this. You wanted him to chase you, he isn't that interested. Now you're upset. Not really this guy's fault or anything. I don't think he's an ******* for being honest. He's actually quite admirable. I think your "powerplay" (although ineffective and blew up in your face) was immature though. 1
Author krista28 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 its a defense mechanism. he isn't that interested I know. he has hurt me enough already. he aint never getting a chance with me. I wanna make him squirm like he made me squirm. its called not talking to him ever. best revenge.
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 You may find, that the one you are going to hurt more, is yourself. Telling yourself things that are not true are very self-abusive things that does not serve you, nor those around you. The more you learn to love who you are first, the more you will begin to attract those that are more like you in the future.
Keenly Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 its a defense mechanism. he isn't that interested I know. he has hurt me enough already. he aint never getting a chance with me. I wanna make him squirm like he made me squirm. its called not talking to him ever. best revenge. But you have to be realistic and realize that he isn't going to bat an eye. How about you worry about making you happy instead of making some one else feel bad. If he told you right from the start no long distance, then why did you delude yourself into a fantasy that wasn't real ?
tlegend Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 its a defense mechanism. he isn't that interested I know. he has hurt me enough already. he aint never getting a chance with me. I wanna make him squirm like he made me squirm. its called not talking to him ever. best revenge. Why do you feel vindictive against him? Things didn't work out. I'm sure he doesn't have animosity toward you. Why do you feel the need to be so angry at him? I think it's time you realize why you are angry and look inward rather than blaming it on the individual who politely told you why the LDR wouldn't work. I.E. You can't be mad at someone for not feeling the same about you as you do about them. You are only causing yourself to be more hurt, and angry, and you aren't even sure where the anger is coming from, or who it is directed at.
Author krista28 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 i dont know it just kind of seems like bs. i think he does care.. he has told me in the past that he might want to try it. i personally think maybe its an act. i could be lieing to myself...but hes wanted to date me since highschool..and acts as though he likes me..just freaks whenever anything to do with long distance is mentioned.
tlegend Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 i dont know it just kind of seems like bs. i think he does care.. he has told me in the past that he might want to try it. i personally think maybe its an act. i could be lieing to myself...but hes wanted to date me since highschool..and acts as though he likes me..just freaks whenever anything to do with long distance is mentioned. Then stop trying to force long distance. Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is. Stop for a second and think. What if he said yes. What if he said ok to a LDR? Then what? Seriously, he seems like he's trying to hold onto you while also not jeopardizing losing you before he even gets to date you. Could it be an act? Sure. Is he lying to you? Possibly. However, those are your problems. Not his.
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 He may very well like you but he could also be dead set against LDRs. Not everybody wants to deal with everything that entails. If you don't ever want to talk to him again, that's fine. Don't talk to him. As somebody else pointed out, IF he notices, he won't care. I also wonder how fast you'll change your stance once you two are in the same zip code again.
Author krista28 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 He may very well like you but he could also be dead set against LDRs. Not everybody wants to deal with everything that entails. If you don't ever want to talk to him again, that's fine. Don't talk to him. As somebody else pointed out, IF he notices, he won't care. I also wonder how fast you'll change your stance once you two are in the same zip code again. Donnivian you are right. thanks for the reply. that doesn't excuse the fact that he hurt me. and won't take responsibilty for it. we were actually friends which makes it worse...which he proved not to be anyhow . saying things like u get mad when guys.dump u just makes me regret telling him anything. and makes me look undesirable. anyhow thnks everyone . I'm not being vindictive but i think the thing that hurts a guy most is ignoring them.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Donnivian you are right. thanks for the reply. that doesn't excuse the fact that he hurt me. and won't take responsibilty for it. we were actually friends which makes it worse...which he proved not to be anyhow . saying things like u get mad when guys.dump u just makes me regret telling him anything. and makes me look undesirable. anyhow thnks everyone . I'm not being vindictive but i think the thing that hurts a guy most is ignoring them. Your ego was hurt, and it's doing the talking now. And he doesn't sound entirely wrong when he says you get upset when a guy doesn't like you/dumps you. It's understandable that you're hurt, but seeking revenge isn't going to make a lick of a difference. It will probably make you feel worse when it doesn't work.
Author krista28 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 thanks people..i really appreciate your stance. the guy didn't want long distance and wouldn't get into it you are right. not my fault I didn't play the game well.. but he has done theses game before..just means he wanst the right one. yes I am seeking revenge..but ive realized life will get revenge on him without me doing it. I burnt him good last night..said something that made him realize he shouldnta messed with me I think.
Keenly Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 thanks people..i really appreciate your stance. the guy didn't want long distance and wouldn't get into it you are right. not my fault I didn't play the game well.. but he has done theses game before..just means he wanst the right one. yes I am seeking revenge..but ive realized life will get revenge on him without me doing it. I burnt him good last night..said something that made him realize he shouldnta messed with me I think. You need to do some serious growing up before you even begin to get into the dating world. Intentionally hurting some one that rejected you because your little feelings got hurt? You are on the fast track to becoming a sociopath.
snowflakes88 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 thanks people..i really appreciate your stance. the guy didn't want long distance and wouldn't get into it you are right. not my fault I didn't play the game well.. but he has done theses game before..just means he wanst the right one. yes I am seeking revenge..but ive realized life will get revenge on him without me doing it. I burnt him good last night..said something that made him realize he shouldnta messed with me I think. I said this in your last couple of threads, and I'll say it again. Therapy. You need it. Your reactions to being rejected are not normal.
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