Will I ever get over her?

[mtnbiker3000]

Of course she was unique and special and you loved her.

 

And guess what?.

 

The next one will be unique and special and you will love her too.

 

OF COURSE THE EX CAN BE REPLACED!!! EASY!!

 

The hurt goes away. Emotional fortitude bro is the name of the game now for you. Forget all this spiritual growth BS for now (although this is a good thing). Your past that point. Remember:

 

EMOTIONAL FORTITUDE.

 

Just forget her. NO it doesnt hurt any more. OK? You dont let it. In the early months you feel and greive. Now you supress and view any emotion with detachment and indifference..

 

No being a little b*tch ok. Bro time. Time to be a man! She is history and doesnt deserve ANY more thoughts or tears.

 

Woo hoooo! Life Rocks! Cav

 

F*ckin' A. I dig it. And you're right. Screw her. Too much time and energy wasted. Sometimes I am gung ho and right on track with what you are saying. But then, I have those days where I am just beat down. It's a constant battle. But I like what you are saying. I do!!! Rock on indeed!!

[BC1980]

I'm wondering what the opinions are on this. Do you suppress your ex when they come to mind, or do you feel the emotions and try to deal with them? I mostly suppress, but I'm wondering if the emotions hit you later on in worse ways if you do that. I had been going along pretty well until a friend wanted to set me up with someone. I thought I was ready, but it freaked me out. Thoughts of my ex overwhelmed me, and I started feeling that he was the only one for me.

 

Now, I feel like the breakup is hitting me again, and I'm so confused.

[TylerDurdenn]

I'm wondering what the opinions are on this. Do you suppress your ex when they come to mind, or do you feel the emotions and try to deal with them? I mostly suppress, but I'm wondering if the emotions hit you later on in worse ways if you do that. I had been going along pretty well until a friend wanted to set me up with someone. I thought I was ready, but it freaked me out. Thoughts of my ex overwhelmed me, and I started feeling that he was the only one for me.

 

Now, I feel like the breakup is hitting me again, and I'm so confused.

 

I've been feeling them and it hasn't worked for me

[BC1980]

I've been feeling them and it hasn't worked for me

 

Sometimes, it's too overwhelming and painful to actually feel the truth. I think that is why my ex left the door open for our future. I think he found it too painful to be real about what would happen. He's weird in that he has connections with all is his exes in some way.

 

Anyway, I'm going back to suppression myself. It's too d&mn painful otherwise. This has been extra hard to let go because I was so close with my ex's son. I think if helps to reroute thoughts and concentrate on your future if the ex comes to mind.

[pickflicker]

Of course she was unique and special and you loved her.

 

And guess what?.

 

The next one will be unique and special and you will love her too.

 

OF COURSE THE EX CAN BE REPLACED!!! EASY!!

 

The hurt goes away. Emotional fortitude bro is the name of the game now for you. Forget all this spiritual growth BS for now (although this is a good thing). Your past that point. Remember:

 

EMOTIONAL FORTITUDE.

 

Just forget her. NO it doesnt hurt any more. OK? You dont let it. In the early months you feel and greive. Now you supress and view any emotion with detachment and indifference..

 

No being a little b*tch ok. Bro time. Time to be a man! She is history and doesnt deserve ANY more thoughts or tears.

 

Woo hoooo! Life Rocks! Cav

 

I have to agree. A big part of the healing process is finding someone new and better. The emotional hole can be filled, and the ex returned to the benign indifference place they occupied when you first met them.

[TylerDurdenn]

Sometimes, it's too overwhelming and painful to actually feel the truth. I think that is why my ex left the door open for our future. I think he found it too painful to be real about what would happen. He's weird in that he has connections with all is his exes in some way.

 

Anyway, I'm going back to suppression myself. It's too d&mn painful otherwise. This has been extra hard to let go because I was so close with my ex's son. I think if helps to reroute thoughts and concentrate on your future if the ex comes to mind.

 

Suppression is hard when you have to drive past her house to get to work!

 

I need to get away from the area for a month or so.. Clear my mind and start over

[BC1980]

Suppression is hard when you have to drive past her house to get to work!

 

I need to get away from the area for a month or so.. Clear my mind and start over

 

That's sh$tty no doubt. Is there an alternate route?

 

Keep NC like it's your new religion. You will have to do the grief work no matter what, and keeping contact allows you to stay in denial. My breakup was do drawn out because we stayed in contact, kept seeing each other, he was saying he needed more time to decide, and so on. That is why I find myself still in disbelief that it ended at month 8. I lied to myself, so I could avoid full on grief, and look where it got me.

 

To sum it up, I started the grief process 4 months ago, and we broke up in April. That's what staying in contact got me. Now, I'm still struggling to even accept that it's over some days, and I'm so sad all the time. I tried to go around my grief, sideways, every which way but through it. I broke NC after 3 months, and it destroyed me in the long run.

[TylerDurdenn]

That's sh$tty no doubt. Is there an alternate route?

 

Keep NC like it's your new religion. You will have to do the grief work no matter what, and keeping contact allows you to stay in denial. My breakup was do drawn out because we stayed in contact, kept seeing each other, he was saying he needed more time to decide, and so on. That is why I find myself still in disbelief that it ended at month 8. I lied to myself, so I could avoid full on grief, and look where it got me.

 

To sum it up, I started the grief process 4 months ago, and we broke up in April. That's what staying in contact got me. Now, I'm still struggling to even accept that it's over some days, and I'm so sad all the time. I tried to go around my grief, sideways, every which way but through it. I broke NC after 3 months, and it destroyed me in the long run.

 

Not really, other routes are plagued with traffic.

 

The hardest thing is being alone, like right now I am sat at home, by myself. My friends are busy and there is nothing for me to do.

 

I can't wait to get back to work, how sad lol.

[WYSWYG]

I totally feel you TD.

 

I live w/in a mile of my last 2 RS. I was always tempted to look when passing by. One day saw something I wish I didn't - it was gut wrenching.

 

Save yourself the pain and really avoid the area if you can. Ignorance is a bliss on this. Better if you can go somewhere for a month.

 

Most importantly, remember that the suffering WILL END and that EVERTHING IS TEMPORARY! We're suffering for now. They will, too, another time.

 

Stay BUSY as much as you can,

 

There will be a new love and another break-up coming our way. Learn what you can from the past to handle the next one better.

 

My girl left me 2 months ago for another dude. I'm still angry/sad/lonely at times. I will look back at these moments months from now and will smile for overcoming this trap.

Edited December 28, 2013 by WYSWYG

[TylerDurdenn]

I totally feel you TD.

 

I live w/in a mile of my last 2 RS. I was always tempted to look when passing by. One day saw something I wish I didn't - it was gut wrenching.

 

Save yourself the pain and really avoid the area if you can. Ignorance is a bliss on this. Better if you can go somewhere for a month.

 

Most importantly, remember that the suffering WILL END and that EVERTHING IS TEMPORARY! We're suffering for now. They will, too, another time.

 

Stay BUSY as much as you can,

 

There will be a new love and another break-up coming our way. Learn what you can from the past to handle the next one better.

 

My girl left me 2 months ago for another dude. I'm still angry/sad/lonely at times. I will look back at these moments months from now and will smile for overcoming this trap.

 

I drove past her house one morning and her car wasn't there, it felt like somebody had kicked me in the stomach.

 

I've definitely learnt my lesson(s), it's so frustrating that she won't give me a chance now that I've changed.

 

The day that I wake up and not think of her is a day that I am looking forward to

[WYSWYG]

They're NO longer that person we used to know. It's a harsh reality. It hurts.

 

I'm sure you imagined the worst after not seeing her car - was she w/ someone new? what are they doing now? etc OR maybe she just went shopping etc. Remember, be aware and control your mindset. It's a self-inflicted wound otherwise.

 

She's still on that pedestal that u built. Trust me, It will slowly crumble.

 

Honestly, bro. I was so weak and distraught that I cried on the first week. It made me feel better after. I don't care what society sets on emotional behavior but I've seen tough guys cry before.

 

Sadness is what it is no matter what. It's a very strong emotion that can linger and need to be understood.

 

I once had a girl who was so into me and we became lovers. She got attached and I wasn't so it was easy for me to walk away. I left her when I found someone new. Now I know exactly how it feels to be left behind.

 

She got married last year and we're friends again.

[TylerDurdenn]

They're NO longer that person we used to know. It's a harsh reality. It hurts.

 

I'm sure you imagined the worst after not seeing her car - was she w/ someone new? what are they doing now? etc OR maybe she just went shopping etc. Remember, be aware and control your mindset. It's a self-inflicted wound otherwise.

 

She's still on that pedestal that u built. Trust me, It will slowly crumble.

 

Honestly, bro. I was so weak and distraught that I cried on the first week. It made me feel better after. I don't care what society sets on emotional behavior but I've seen tough guys cry before.

 

Sadness is what it is no matter what. It's a very strong emotion that can linger and need to be understood.

 

I once had a girl who was so into me and we became lovers. She got attached and I wasn't so it was easy for me to walk away. I left her when I found someone new. Now I know exactly how it feels to be left behind.

 

She got married last year and we're friends again.

 

My ex ex cried and begged but I was having none of it, now I know how she feels. I couldn't help my feelings back then, like my ex can't now.

 

It's a horrible feeling, I just can't wait for the day where love for her disappears.

[Ruby Slippers]

Honestly, bro. I was so weak and distraught that I cried on the first week. It made me feel better after. I don't care what society sets on emotional behavior but I've seen tough guys cry before.

 

Sadness is what it is no matter what. It's a very strong emotion that can linger and need to be understood.

I think it's healthy to let out your emotions of grief and loss as they arise. Crying is a primal, physical, and cathartic process. It feels pretty crappy while it's happening, but you feel SO much better afterward. It's kind of like when you throw up. The process feels terrible, but afterward, you feel much better.

 

I'm a strong believer in venting your emotions in various forms. You've got to release the pressure and let the steam vent out. If you don't, those negative emotions will linger and plague you for a lot longer than necessary. When I was younger, the pain of some breakups would linger for years because I tried to just ignore the pain and power through. Doesn't work like that - not for me, anyway.

 

The weekend I broke up with my ex, I let myself cry freely any time I felt like it. I rode the emotional ups and downs, from calm acceptance, to teary wistfulness, to sobbing sadness. I think that was essential to me letting it all go and getting on with things.

 

Feeling and expressing my emotions without fear is something I'm learned to do with maturity. It feels much healthier to get them out. The ways that work for me are writing, singing, dancing, talking to friends, crying, laughing, athletic activity.

 

I can imagine that men have more anger to express along with the sadness. I'd guess any very physically demanding activity like boxing or working out with a punching bag would be good outlets. Anything that lets you take all that pent-up intensity and expel it out of you somehow.

[Amaury]

Sadly after being broken up for over 3 months and being NC for a month and a half I still think about her and have recently been having dreams about her. Even though I hate the person she became towards the end and I understand that we won't t get back together and I dont want to get back together she still pops into my head. I realized its because im lonely since on my free time I would spend it with her, now all my friends are always busy or dont want to do what I want (which she did) also I have been really sexually frustrated and it bothers me because we had a very frequent sex life but I haven't had sex with anyone after her yet on the other hand she has already slept with a few guys and might have become bf and gf with one of them by now for all I know. I feel like I need to find someone because the only time I forget about her is when someone is flirting with me and for a few days she is the last thing on my mind but then after getting to know them I realized im not into them and it just makes me miss my ex more.

[skydiveaddict]

It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day.

 

What do I need to do to get over her?

 

 

You need more time

[WYSWYG]

I think it's healthy to let out your emotions of grief and loss as they arise. Crying is a primal, physical, and cathartic process.

 

I can imagine that men have more anger to express along with the sadness. I'd guess any very physically demanding activity like boxing or working out with a punching bag would be good outlets. Anything that lets you take all that pent-up intensity and expel it out of you somehow.

 

 

Definitely!!

 

On my BU two years ago, I worked out and hit the heavy bag harder when I was angry....best workouts ever. Got me in better shape for better prospects. I'm back on that program now.

[TylerDurdenn]

I played football this morning for the first time since our break up, it was weird looking at my phone after I played and not seeing a text message from her asking me to hurry home as she misses me.

 

I haven't spoken to her now for two days, and I don't have any urge to change that.

[headinthecloud]

I played football this morning for the first time since our break up, it was weird looking at my phone after I played and not seeing a text message from her asking me to hurry home as she misses me.

 

I haven't spoken to her now for two days, and I don't have any urge to change that.

 

Try to focus on rebuilding your life...without her. Create new habits. After a game, meetup with a friend at a pub, restaurant or coffee shop.

[cavalier99]

I think early on it is VERY important to cry. Feel the pain. Get it all out. Meet it head on. Process everthing. Cry for weeks straight!! Imagine all the great times that are now forever over. All the cute things she did, the places you went together. How you made love together.

 

Really really mourn the loss. No imaging that she is doing all that with her new guy and loving. I mean really make your self cry and suffer. while blubbering to your self that IT IS OVER FOREVER.

 

However After 6 months or so the same thing is destructive and you need to chain up these emotions and man up and put it on the past. I mean if you need to cry fine. But then stop and get on with things. No snowballing or wallowing allowed. Emotional foritude.

 

It is all about timing.

Edited December 29, 2013 by cavalier99

[TylerDurdenn]

My biggest regret is not appreciating her whilst she was mine, I'd do anything to go back and change things.

 

The loneliness is getting to me, sure I have my friends but I miss having a girlfriend.

 

[ponchsox]

You need more time.

[TylerDurdenn]

You need more time.

 

How much time?

[pickflicker]

How much time?

 

You've got to be NC for at least 3 months. They say it takes 12 weeks to change a habit. If you can do NC for 3 months, you will start to feel a lot better.

[headinthecloud]

How much time?

 

That depends on you. Do you want to move on?

 

I had to force myself to move on even though i loved him because I knew he was terrible for me and would only continue to cheat and lie. My brain said go but my heart kept holding onto the idea of who I thought he was (not who he really is). The man I loved does not exist....it took me a long time for my heart to understand.

 

You will need at least 4-6mos NC to truly gain a clear perspective.

[oracle]

You never 'get over' someone.. especially someone you spent a big chunk of your life with.

 

What happens is that with TIME you learn to live without them. As it moves further away from you into the past, it gains less and less relevance in your life where you are that day.

 

Think of it like the universe... since the big bang its expanding and all of component parts are speeding further and further away from each other.

 

Your break up is your big bang. Its a big traumatic event, one that can spawn new experiences.... but as you are propelled further and further away, it falls off into a distant glow in the past. You can always turn around and look back at where IT all ignited behind you, and there will be some memories and recollections and emotions.. but as u go further out the image gets blurry, till one day you look back and you can't even make it out anymore and you're not even sure why you are straining to look.

 

 

It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day.

 

What do I need to do to get over her?