TylerDurdenn Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day. What do I need to do to get over her? 1
mirage12 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Almost 2 months for me and I'm the same way. It's the worst in the mornings, when I wake up from sleeping and reality sinks in that she's no longer a part of my life. I go out and about and so many things remind me of her - places we went, restaurants we ate at, bars we drank at. I don't think there's a miracle cure...I've been trying to keep as busy as possible. Forcing myself to make plans with friends and to go to things I'm invited to, even though I don't feel like it. Been throwing myself at work, working as many hours as I can so I have less down time to think about her. Time really does make things better and eventually you'll forget what it was like to have her in your life...but I guess that's something awful in and of itself :/ 3
Author TylerDurdenn Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 All the memories we have together.. All the stuff we experienced together.. The trust we built up in each other.. All gone.. 1
xUnknown Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Try to remember some of the bad things. I know it sucks to dwell, but you have to realize, what happened, happened. You are where are you are now. Better to experience what you're going through now, then later. You can use this experience if it comes again in the future, or, towards another loss in your life. Its all about learning and growing. You're 3 months further along than you were when this all started. You know you're making progress, it just may not feel that way because of your emotions. Stay positive and keep the faith. These ripples that cause pain hurt, but soon, they'll be more spaced out and you'll get over them quicker and easier --like the ripples in water when you toss a stone into a lake. I'm going through it all again too. Especially with the holidays. Keep you chin up. You'll make it through this storm Tyler & Mirage. 2
BruisedBNBroken Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day. What do I need to do to get over her? Tyler, sorry for the tough love man, but don't you keep breaking no contact? Didn't you post that you texted her the other day that this was really hard? You're never going to get over her if you keep breaking no contact and throwing yourself right back to day 1. Yes, it may be three months since you've broken up, but as far as your healing, you're back at day 2 man. 2
send_me_flowers Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's hard, I had 3 months no contact and than he called out the blue but remember contact is pain. I was nearly over him as well. We have to move on new year new start if they really loved us they wouldn't leave us. We will l get through this we have too 1
Haydn Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I think about my ex everyday mate, been nearly 6 months for me. It gets easier then it gets harder but little by little its easier. YOU need to meet a new young lady. You`ll be alright son. Take care. Hopefully we will have a jar soon. It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day. What do I need to do to get over her? 2
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day. What do I need to do to get over her? You need to read the No Contact guide in my signature, and you need to cut her - her family, her number, her contact details and anything else connecting the two of you - out of your life, for good. Change your number, and delete all details of her existence. Excise her from your mind, totally. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 ^^^ This. And TIME. Sorry but this will take a bit longer. Seems like the rule of thumb is at least 6 months of 100% NC. Although, I am at 9+ and I am still struggling. Less, but still struggling. It a war of attrition. Inch by inch. Day by day. 6
williesd Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I somewhat disagree on the NC theory, provided, your doing other things. As in, seeking out dates with other people, keeping yourself busy. With time, if you are really doing things that are proactive to move towards a new relationship with someone else, you'll develop that and she'll become part of the past. If the urge to contact exists, do your best not to, but if on ocassion you do text, so what. In my scenario, I know she moved on. I send a short superficial text, feel okay, then move forward with the day. Yea, she probably knows I'm not over her, but so what, I'm making efforts to improve myself, doing things I wanted to do before I met her. I'm also making connections for future dates and have one loosely planned for a week from now. Fighting the NC, sometimes is too hard to resist. I don't feel like it's set me back, it is what it is. I know eventually, I'll go days, then weeks without thinking about her and you will too. Don't be so hard on yourself.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I somewhat disagree on the NC theory, provided, your doing other things. As in, seeking out dates with other people, keeping yourself busy. With time, if you are really doing things that are proactive to move towards a new relationship with someone else, you'll develop that and she'll become part of the past. If the urge to contact exists, do your best not to, but if on ocassion you do text, so what. In my scenario, I know she moved on. I send a short superficial text, feel okay, then move forward with the day. Yea, she probably knows I'm not over her, but so what, I'm making efforts to improve myself, doing things I wanted to do before I met her. I'm also making connections for future dates and have one loosely planned for a week from now. Fighting the NC, sometimes is too hard to resist. I don't feel like it's set me back, it is what it is. I know eventually, I'll go days, then weeks without thinking about her and you will too. Don't be so hard on yourself. Glad this works for you, but it is widely disagreed with among many, many users... NC is the proven method of choice to move on as quickly and completely as possible and is what most newly broken-hearted should shoot for.
notthathard Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Find something your passionate about and do it! (surfing, skating, horse riding, making money etc.) Get out there an meet new people/women. Go online dating if you must, once you find out that there are other women are attracted to you then you will get over her quick. At the moment you probably think you need her, you need to get those thoughts away as it's not true.
cavalier99 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's been 3 months. I still think about her every single day. What do I need to do to get over her? DUDE!!! This isnt rocket science. You go NC in every sense of the work. Suffer thru whatever emotions come your way and view it as progress and processing. Actually learn to enjoy the suffering. It sure does bring clarity ahd growth. AND you NEVER NEVER EVER crack and break NC YOU STAY NC LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. You dont break it EVER. Even of you ex says she had a car accident and is in hospital. You call someone else to help her. You wont know this anyway because she is blocked in a million ways. Thats it. Then you recover GUARANTEED 3
headinthecloud Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I set Dec 30 as the last day I will think of him. After that, I will oust every thought of him as soon as it pops in my mind and replace the thought with something for positive. I figure with practice i will eventually stop thinking of him. 4
cavalier99 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I set Dec 30 as the last day I will think of him. After that, I will oust every thought of him as soon as it pops in my mind and replace the thought with something for positive. I figure with practice i will eventually stop thinking of him. Ahhh you have finally learned. This is the way!! Cav
Kevin_D Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Get out there an meet new people/women. Go online dating if you must, once you find out that there are other women are attracted to you then you will get over her quick. I think this is a very shallow view on life. Every person is unique. You can't "replace" someone, even if you find someone better. I still miss my first girlfriend and I haven't spoken to her in 7 years. I wouldn't be attracted to her if I met her today and I'm happy that she found a good boyfriend, but yet I miss her. I know that I won't ever get over my last girlfriend. I felt so secure. I believed her when she said that other guys were disgusting. She made me believe in true love again. I thought she was perfect. The girl I'd always dreamed about. So, if I could get dumped out of the blue by her after 6.5 years. She told me every day how much she loved me and how happy she was with me. How can ever I believe those words again? 3
headinthecloud Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Don't let the past inhibit your future. My ex lied and cheated on me but I refuse to believe all men are like him and I will do my best not to let that experience taint my future happiness. 4
cavalier99 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) I think this is a very shallow view on life. Every person is unique. You can't "replace" someone, even if you find someone better. I still miss my first girlfriend and I haven't spoken to her in 7 years. I wouldn't be attracted to her if I met her today and I'm happy that she found a good boyfriend, but yet I miss her. I know that I won't ever get over my last girlfriend. I felt so secure. I believed her when she said that other guys were disgusting. She made me believe in true love again. I thought she was perfect. The girl I'd always dreamed about. So, if I could get dumped out of the blue by her after 6.5 years. She told me every day how much she loved me and how happy she was with me. How can ever I believe those words again? Bummer. I dont get that. I got over my 8 year RS is 7 months NC. Dont miss her at all romantically. I am in a new RS but that didnt happen until i was recovered. Have you had a new RS since your BU? Maybe you should be dating a lot. It isnt shallow it is simple. The past is done. Only the present exists. STOP thinking about her. SIMPLE. (hard to do but simple) When you say you will NEVER get over her you are right if you keep on telling your self this negative affimation. Edited December 27, 2013 by cavalier99 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Bummer. I dont get that. I got over my 8 year RS is 7 months NC. Dont miss her at all romantically. I am in a new RS but that didnt happen until i was recovered. Have you had a new RS since your BU? Maybe you should be dating a lot. It isnt shallow it is simple. The past is done. Only the present exists. STOP thinking about her. SIMPLE. (hard to do but simple) When you say you will NEVER get over her you are right if you keep on telling your self this negative affimation. I think I get what Kevin is saying. I know my ex quickly and easily replaced me. And I just cannot understand how that is possible. After everything. Obviously I felt very differently about her than she did me. And I guess I was way off on how I thought she felt about me and our RS. Waaaay off!!! I know I simply cannot just replace her. It's just not possible. Of course, I know I can be happy with someone else in time, but I cannot just start dating a new girl and have it be the same as my ex. For me it's not a mathematical equation where I can simply switch variables. There is a huge human and emotional element involved. She was unique and one of a kind. I grew to love her deeply. Therefore, I needed time to reflect, mourn and grow when we split. However, my ex did none of this. She had someone new very quickly, maybe even while still with me. I don't know. Makes me feel like some robot that she really didn't give a **** about on any kind of deep level. Very superficial. Simply get rid of me and insert a new, better model. That hurts!! 3
BC1980 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I think I get what Kevin is saying. I know my ex quickly and easily replaced me. And I just cannot understand how that is possible. After everything. Obviously I felt very differently about her than she did me. And I guess I was way off on how I thought she felt about me and our RS. Waaaay off!!! I know I simply cannot just replace her. It's just not possible. Of course, I know I can be happy with someone else in time, but I cannot just start dating a new girl and have it be the same as my ex. For me it's not a mathematical equation where I can simply switch variables. There is a huge human and emotional element involved. She was unique and one of a kind. I grew to love her deeply. Therefore, I needed time to reflect, mourn and grow when we split. However, my ex did none of this. She had someone new very quickly, maybe even while still with me. I don't know. Makes me feel like some robot that she really didn't give a **** about on any kind of deep level. Very superficial. Simply get rid of me and insert a new, better model. That hurts!! Some people seem able to jump quickly from one relationship to the next. I have never been able to do that myself. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 A little over 2 months for me, and I still think about him every day. The holidays definitely stung. But that's life. I try to stay busy with work, fun times with friends, health and fitness stuff, my own goals and development. I don't suppress thoughts of him, because I don't think that's the right way to heal. I feel the feelings and let them out when I need to. I write, talk, cry a fear tears over him when I'm touched by something and reminded of what I miss. I try to keep in mind that our time together was a blessing, even if it did not endure. I sometimes review a list of reasons it wasn't working for me, which I made shortly before the breakup. It's a sad list, but it reminds me that my decision was warranted. I think 2014 is going to be a better year all around. 2
fixing Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 I think I get what Kevin is saying. I know my ex quickly and easily replaced me. And I just cannot understand how that is possible. After everything. Obviously I felt very differently about her than she did me. And I guess I was way off on how I thought she felt about me and our RS. Waaaay off!!! I know I simply cannot just replace her. It's just not possible. Of course, I know I can be happy with someone else in time, but I cannot just start dating a new girl and have it be the same as my ex. For me it's not a mathematical equation where I can simply switch variables. There is a huge human and emotional element involved. She was unique and one of a kind. I grew to love her deeply. Therefore, I needed time to reflect, mourn and grow when we split. However, my ex did none of this. She had someone new very quickly, maybe even while still with me. I don't know. Makes me feel like some robot that she really didn't give a **** about on any kind of deep level. Very superficial. Simply get rid of me and insert a new, better model. That hurts!! LOL, i feel your pain my dear fellow brother. You fell for a superficial, emotionally detached woman who cant bare to be alone. I bet she jumped from one boyfriend to the next her whole life? Those kind of people are insecure and deeply unhappy in themselves and they use unsuspecting victims like you and i to fill in their void. Its very painful for us, as we GENUINELY fall in love with the persona they present. And when they get bored, or cheat and vamoos in an instant onto the next man, we are left devastated and left to think WTF!? Dont worry guys and gals, we will all find that perfect piece to our own Love puzzle in good time, and it will be sincere, and REAL. 6
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 (edited) I think I get what Kevin is saying. I know my ex quickly and easily replaced me. And I just cannot understand how that is possible. After everything. Obviously I felt very differently about her than she did me. And I guess I was way off on how I thought she felt about me and our RS. Waaaay off!!! I know I simply cannot just replace her. It's just not possible. Of course, I know I can be happy with someone else in time, but I cannot just start dating a new girl and have it be the same as my ex. For me it's not a mathematical equation where I can simply switch variables. There is a huge human and emotional element involved. She was unique and one of a kind. I grew to love her deeply. Therefore, I needed time to reflect, mourn and grow when we split. However, my ex did none of this. She had someone new very quickly, maybe even while still with me. I don't know. Makes me feel like some robot that she really didn't give a **** about on any kind of deep level. Very superficial. Simply get rid of me and insert a new, better model. That hurts!! Of course she was unique and special and you loved her. And guess what?. The next one will be unique and special and you will love her too. OF COURSE THE EX CAN BE REPLACED!!! EASY!! The hurt goes away. Emotional fortitude bro is the name of the game now for you. Forget all this spiritual growth BS for now (although this is a good thing). Your past that point. Remember: EMOTIONAL FORTITUDE. Just forget her. NO it doesnt hurt any more. OK? You dont let it. In the early months you feel and greive. Now you supress and view any emotion with detachment and indifference.. No being a little b*tch ok. Bro time. Time to be a man! She is history and doesnt deserve ANY more thoughts or tears. Woo hoooo! Life Rocks! Cav Edited December 28, 2013 by cavalier99 5
Author TylerDurdenn Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you guys. Yes I have been useless at keeping NC, the longest I have done is 2 weeks and it just made me miss her more The frustrating thing is who she is now is not the person I miss! I wish I could meet a girl that I just 'click' with and never look back..
pickflicker Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you guys. Yes I have been useless at keeping NC, the longest I have done is 2 weeks and it just made me miss her more The frustrating thing is who she is now is not the person I miss! I wish I could meet a girl that I just 'click' with and never look back.. Unfortunately, the other posters are correct, despite the fact that you broke up 3 months ago, breaking NC is effectively starting from day 1. So asking the question "well I ever get over it?" - sure, if you can purge her completely from your life. Otherwise, you're just digging at the wound over and over. Good luck.
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