Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Well this has been going on for over 2 years and I finally had my breaking point. I got tired of the disrespect towards my feelings and his true colors came out and I'm finally seeing them. Although they've been several before. Over the Christmas break he only texted me a "Merry Christmas". I saw him that last Fri and never once did he consider doing the minimum of a card at least. I told him that he's the only person I was being intimate w/ yet he's the only person that treats me like crap in the end. I never asked him for much except to consider my feelings. He shot back saying he understood that I felt that way and it's not on purpose but he's lousy at cheating on his wife and at times he doesn't know what to do blah blah blah... I told him maybe he should just do right by his wife and stop being selfish on his part before someone's feelings get hurt in the end. He made his choice and told me he'll do right by his wife because he doesn't want to lose his family. I told him I respect that but to also respect to never contact me again. I feel good and I've never told him to never contact me once we've broken off or tried to do the NC. 4
skywriter Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Stay strong, when you feel weak, post here or call someone until the feelings subside. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Good for you! Stand your ground and separate yourself from this guy. He was most likely never leaving anyway. Sorry for you pain. 2
Author Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Thanks guys for the support because i really need them!! I wasn't expecting him to leave his family I never asked him to do that but, I never asked him for $$ or help. He will prob feel it more this time because I have always been there when things tragically or happy moments in his life. He couldn't even do the minimum to consider my feelings but at the same time why would he? he can't even stop cheating on his BS. I've been here before where I've called it off but this time I'm done. It will hurt because we communicated daily but this time... I can't. 1
vanellope Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I think he will try to contact you later and try to ask you back, but just remember what he told you today. only at the critical time you can understand what is the person he really care about. 2
Author Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I think he will try to contact you later and try to ask you back, but just remember what he told you today. only at the critical time you can understand what is the person he really care about. Yes... Hisself! I have a feeling he will too only because I was the one who broke it off and told him never to contact me again (his pride/ego).. But he'll never change or consider my feelings.
ElectricTangerine Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 He will most probably break NC at some point, but stay strong. I'm so proud of you for making this decision!! 2
Author Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 He will most probably break NC at some point, but stay strong. I'm so proud of you for making this decision!! Thank you so much!! It was a spur of the moment choice but I refuse to allow him to be so disrespectful towards my feelings. If he's so lousy at cheating he needs to stop altogether. If he reaches out again it will be the same ol' BS and I don't mean Betrayed Spouse... 3
Baby123 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Wow a man like this is a douche- what on earth did he think you were getting out of the R. 1
Author Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Wow a man like this is a douche- what on earth did he think you were getting out of the R. I guess he thought the sexual chemistry and emotional bond would be enough. It's crazy because I'm a beautiful woman and because my personality isn't about what I can get out of relationships he took advantage of it. I'm an independent person so I don't want much. A person will only give what you allow to put up with and in my case, that's exactly what happened. He took and manipulated but to give ZERO!! Unexceptable. Most A both parties are getting something out of it 4
psm04 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 First of all, good for you!! He will probably break NC after the "holiday festivities" are over and he's back to needing validation. Just like my xAP will. But we have to continue to stay strong and put our feelings and happiness first! 2
Baby123 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I guess he thought the sexual chemistry and emotional bond would be enough. It's crazy because I'm a beautiful woman and because my personality isn't about what I can get out of relationships he took advantage of it. I'm an independent person so I don't want much. A person will only give what you allow to put up with and in my case, that's exactly what happened. He took and manipulated but to give ZERO!! Unexceptable. Most A both parties are getting something out of it Ah that sucks- I've got to say I'm the opposite, I make sure I get everything I can. Maybe don't go to my exsteme but know what your worth- and ask to be treated well- a man who loves you will go above and beyond 1
Author Cocochai Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 First of all, good for you!! He will probably break NC after the "holiday festivities" are over and he's back to needing validation. Just like my xAP will. But we have to continue to stay strong and put our feelings and happiness first! Thanks I am so at a breaking down of crying spell. Not because of breaking it off but because after two years he couldn't see past just the sex or the need to do more even when I don't ask for it. What's wrong with me?? I broke off a relationship that had potential (I really wasn't feeling the guy), but I couldn't give it time because all I could think about was the MM. And I allowed him back for like the 4th time. I have male friends who would go out of their way to do things without me asking but this MM was milking it for free. Even our last conversation he turns into a "I dint want to lose my family" when I wasn't even asking him too. I was asking him to give a little and be considerate since I was always there when he needed me. He did little things but not much over the course. He couldn't even give a dry Christmas card at least. I hope he knows not many AP will go for what he put me through as far as getting it for free. Especially the type of females I know he's attracted to. I wish I was alone right now but I'll get through this crying spell. I have as wedding party to go to tonight so hopefully this will help. I think you guys for your support but please keep going as this really helps to move on. You guys are the only people who knows how it feels.
Author Cocochai Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Good luck with the NC and future!!! Thank you I appreciate that! Question: I saw three posters point out that he'll break NC (Even I know he may), but does anyone have any insight on why they don't respect yiur wishes to be left alone? Especially when and in my case they know and even said "I'm bad for you". Other the pure selfishness and pride/ego. Btw: I'm feeling great today!! 1
blue963 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Exactly!!! it isnt fair to you in any way at all. Interesting as that when they want you, you shoudl be there, but you should be accepting of whatever time they want to spend on you.
psm04 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Question: I saw three posters point out that he'll break NC (Even I know he may), but does anyone have any insight on why they don't respect yiur wishes to be left alone? Especially when and in my case they know and even said "I'm bad for you". Other the pure selfishness and pride/ego. The ego and selfishness are definitely reasons. I think that my xAP was also holding out hope that we would be together in the future. He didn't want me to fall out of love with him or go find it with another person. But that doesn't mean that we have to stay in an A now. My xAP also said that he knew it was bad and that he shouldn't interfere in my M. Ten minutes later, he was kissing me. So staying away and ignoring requests/advances is the only way to stay strong IMO.
Author Cocochai Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Exactly!!! it isnt fair to you in any way at all. Interesting as that when they want you, you shoudl be there, but you should be accepting of whatever time they want to spend on you. Agreed! or NOT spend on you. That's why I for one for whatever reason can't get over the fact that this guy actually thought his behavior would want me to stay longer then I should have. The ego and selfishness are definitely reasons. I think that my xAP was also holding out hope that we would be together in the future. He didn't want me to fall out of love with him or go find it with another person. But that doesn't mean that we have to stay in an A now. My xAP also said that he knew it was bad and that he shouldn't interfere in my M. Ten minutes later, he was kissing me. So staying away and ignoring requests/advances is the only way to stay strong IMO. I think they "not wanting to find someone else" maybe true as well. I also think it's a hint of narcissism. Like "I can't believe she's trying to move on with her life without me" type thing. How long as it been with you doing NC with yours? The fact that they keep bugging you but never change is like they love the cat and mice game. I will cut off my FB notifications and change the ring settings so I'll know if he reaches out, I won't bother looking at my phone.
psm04 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 How long as it been with you doing NC with yours? We've gone back and forth since the beginning of our A almost 3 years ago. We have now been NC for 2 weeks now. We work together, so it's hard to go full NC, but we have both been off from work for the holidays. I'm dreading what happens on Monday. It will feel bad if we talk, and it'll feel bad if we don't talk! Par for the course, I guess. But I'm determined to not get back into the A. 1
Author Cocochai Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 We've gone back and forth since the beginning of our A almost 3 years ago. We have now been NC for 2 weeks now. We work together, so it's hard to go full NC, but we have both been off from work for the holidays. I'm dreading what happens on Monday. It will feel bad if we talk, and it'll feel bad if we don't talk! Par for the course, I guess. But I'm determined to not get back into the A. Oh wow please stay strong! What made you decide to do NC again tho? Mines may wait until he feels the anger has calmed down on my side... But I've never told him to "Never talk" to me again. Continuing to stay strong. Every time I think about his selfishness it makes me relieved to be free.
SunsetRed Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Good for you! I am so proud of you. You would never get anything out of this man. I wish you much peace love and closure for this year. I love everything you said in your posts on this thread. I hope you get the kind of love you deserve. Im independent too, so sometimes its hard to let a man truly love me and give to me. That's how I ended up w my MM, there was something in me that couldn't allow myself to be in a real well rounded relationship. Im still working on that part of myself, but its getting better and I will never be intimate w a man who does so little for me. 2
psm04 Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Oh wow please stay strong! What made you decide to do NC again tho? Thank you, I'm trying to! I know that I definitely will NOT get back in an A, but I worry about how long it'll take for me to be over him. I never said "never talk to me" to him either. It has just been a natural progression. We tried to stay friendly at work (we used to talk all day long, about anything and everything), but I couldn't talk to him as if everything was ok and that we were buddies, and I told him that. I didn't want to live in two worlds, and wanted to be 100% focused on my M, through the good and bad times. It's just what's best, but it hurts. But the pain does get better. The first time I went NC with him a year ago hurt several times worse than this. With each subsequent time after that, it has been much better, since the fog was cleared from that first time. 1
Author Cocochai Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Good for you! I am so proud of you. You would never get anything out of this man. I wish you much peace love and closure for this year. I love everything you said in your posts on this thread. I hope you get the kind of love you deserve. Im independent too, so sometimes its hard to let a man truly love me and give to me. That's how I ended up w my MM, there was something in me that couldn't allow myself to be in a real well rounded relationship. Im still working on that part of myself, but its getting better and I will never be intimate w a man who does so little for me. Thank you because honestly I don't think there are too many Woman like us in that department that would go for that. I loved the fact that him and I communicated daily, the sex was amazing, and didn't have to deal w/ the everyday full time relationship but, the disrespect of not doing for me even when I never ask was being taken advantage of... And I have had enough. I can't bring that into 2014.
Author Cocochai Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you, I'm trying to! I know that I definitely will NOT get back in an A, but I worry about how long it'll take for me to be over him. I never said "never talk to me" to him either. It has just been a natural progression. We tried to stay friendly at work (we used to talk all day long, about anything and everything), but I couldn't talk to him as if everything was ok and that we were buddies, and I told him that. I didn't want to live in two worlds, and wanted to be 100% focused on my M, through the good and bad times. It's just what's best, but it hurts. But the pain does get better. The first time I went NC with him a year ago hurt several times worse than this. With each subsequent time after that, it has been much better, since the fog was cleared from that first time. Keep being strong ( it's so freaky hard), but I know we both can do it. Vent if you have to so it will make you feel better. 1
Recommended Posts