koncreterose Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago (after being together for 2 years) because I didn't feel that he made our relationship a priority. Things like: -only seeing each other once every two or three weeks most of the time for the last year (we live 15-20 mins apart; I'm in school and he has school and work) -not going on any dates in the last yr. -no mention of yearly anniversaries -never meeting his family (and I'm fairly sure that he didn't talk about me to them) After we broke up we had a few conversations about what went wrong, etc. He sent me a text asking to talk to me before he went home (one state over) for winter break, just to be certain of where we were and to gain 'closure'. We talked that night for an hour or two on the phone. He was explaining that he had financial issues and was going in to work on his days off because of them and that was part of the reason why he hadn't been spending time with me (but he'd never told me this during our relationship). He somewhat apologized to me, saying that he was so focused on being perfect in school and work that he hurt me intentionally. He said that his schedule would be more free this upcoming semester but that he wouldn't want to be in a relationship where he would have to 'prove' himself to anyone. I told him that it would be like that if we got back together (I would have to see that things were different for awhile before I could fully trust him at his word). He said that that was it then. He hasn't contacted me since and I believe that if he truly wanted to be with me and planned to change then he would fight for us and try to fix things since he agreed that it was his fault. At times I feel like I did the right thing but every once and awhile I wonder if I gave up when things may have been about to get better (with him having more time available). I'm not sure if I should just leave things where they are or try to see if we can salvage things. (sn: things haven't been all bad. We're really compatible friendship wise; we have common interests, are supportive of each other, etc.) Thoughts?
xUnknown Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 hat if he truly wanted to be with me and planned to change then he would fight for us and try to fix things since he agreed that it was his fault. It seems that he does not want to be in the relationship. It takes two people to get into a relationship, one to get out. It seems like he wasn't putting in the effort for it and either wanted out, or yeah, didn't put the relationship at a higher level in his list of priorities. If you were the one that wanted out of the relationship, sure, he could have begged and pleaded, but it may have just pushed you further. My ex broke up with me...I didn't fight, beg or plead. She was pissed I didn't fight or come after her, but then admitted that had I done that, it would have pushed her further. Give him space to realize what he is missing. If he wants it back, he'll come full force. I think the key here is that you mentioned that it will have to take time to build your trust back up...he said "so thats it then"... That's pretty much it...he didn't want to have to work to regain your trust. At two years, you two definitely should be celebrating anniversaries and meeting/seeing/spending time with each others families. I'd say forget about him and move on to someone who wanted a serious commitment, because it really didn't seem like he wanted one.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 It's a fairly simple fix in theory but he has to be the one who initiates it. If he just said come on over & meet my family & then arranged a date for you two I would see that as a positive step. Him getting defensive & saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he has to "prove himself" tells me he doesn't see you as worth the effort. Accordingly, I don't think your relationship can be saved.
xUnknown Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Him getting defensive & saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he has to "prove himself" tells me he doesn't see you as worth the effort. Accordingly, I don't think your relationship can be saved. Maybe not seeing you being worth the effort...but hes unwilling to put the time in. That doesn't mean you're not worth the effort, it just mean he doesn't want to put time in with all this other crap going on. But yes, I feel moving on is the best course of action.
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