margot13 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Doesn't John Mayers song "dreaming with a broken heart" say it all? "When your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part" So we open our eyes and think f*** it starts all over again, and then drag yourself out of bed with all that well meant advice of get active, be positive etc etc. And I think sure I'll do that if I can manage to tear myself and my anxiety out of this bed :-) Which eventually happens if I want to make sure I don't drive my business into the ground (after all he took enough). And then the whirlwind of the days emotions begin!!! Sad, angry, positive, dark, theres hope and it goes on and on........... Why heartbreak has to be a complete melting pot of every emotion known to mankind has always been a mystery to me. But always the other person is in the back of your head as if they are some form of medievil torture... Then the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" comes to mind!! Wouldn't it be great, and if that didn't exist why is there not some 'Multi Purpose" Cleaning product especially designed for my brain???? The continual struggle of logic and emotion. And that battle of Logic and Emotion is I think for us all the most exhausting, the worst symptom of a broken heart!!! Well I know it is for me, I am intelligent, yet able to be reduced to a woman that would be picked for a role as a psycopath in the next coming hollywood film :-) Curious if anyone agrees...... 3
LadyM Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Yes! I agree completely. It is complete and utter insanity how intelligent, logical individuals are reduced to being at the mercy of a brain that will not shut itself off to inane thoughts of an ex who is deserving of NONE of our time! Even right now as I type this, the little "ding" that just rang, announcing a new email and the first thing my mind STILL is so illogically hoping for is an email from HIM! Makes no sense to me and it is so disappointing to me that I even WANT an email from him. You're right - it IS medieval torture to have thoughts of them always in our minds, from the painful minute we awake. Day, after night, after day, etc. It doesn't seem to ever stop. After reading so many threads on LS and we're all in pretty much the same boat, I'm thinking that one of the only ways for really substantial relief is to find a new, and a better love. 5
RDawg Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Exactly. Our logic tries to focus on their negative qualities and the negatives of the relationship, we try and internalise the advice of friends and family who try and convince us that this is for the better.. but all we want to do is hold that person and have them tell us that they love us and want us back. It's insane how strongly we are wired to bond with the opposite sex. Insanity.. And yes, only the next one will complete the healing process.. probably to be dumped again.. rince, repeat.. bleh. 3
LadyM Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Exactly. Our logic tries to focus on their negative qualities and the negatives of the relationship, we try and internalise the advice of friends and family who try and convince us that this is for the better.. but all we want to do is hold that person and have them tell us that they love us and want us back. It's insane how strongly we are wired to bond with the opposite sex. Insanity.. And yes, only the next one will complete the healing process.. probably to be dumped again.. rince, repeat.. bleh. It's so unfair that the wiring IS so strong to create a love bond because it seems that most of the time, all these relationships come to an end anyway, like you so humorously stated in your last line. (loved that line!) We KNOW we have no business EVER being with our exes again. We KNOW we were mistreated. You'd think that would be enough to make these incessant thoughts disappear, but NO. They are at the forefront and center of our minds. Boggles the mind... 4
Author margot13 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 And then there is time, my lord the evil clicking of the clock, my constant state of numbness frozen in time!!! I have moments where I think I will scream if I see the cliche one more time "time heals all wounds". And yes as a mature reasonable person I am aware of this. But I am not mature and reasonable at the moment, I am a nutcase version of myself pulled out of a tragic romance novel (that no-one in there right senses would read). And time is NOT my friend at the moment, it is a ticking off of the days waiting for that moment where time has healed. So I have decided that maybe cynical humour is a good approach to getting through this. Hoping there are more cynics that need maybe a slight smile to ease the tragicness for a moment...... 1
Author margot13 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Even right now as I type this, the little "ding" that just rang, announcing a new email and the first thing my mind STILL is so illogically hoping for is an email from HIM! Makes no sense to me and it is so disappointing to me that I even WANT an email from him. And yes of course the wonders of technology with their blings. I know this feeling so well!!!! I too have that fleeting moment of insanity saying please be it from HIM!! Never is. I have had moments where I considered destroying all electronic devices but don't think it will help. :-) 1
LadyM Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Even though the topic is serious, I so much enjoyed reading a lighthearted take on the pain of it all. It was so refreshing to be able to laugh reading this thread. Oh, and that line, time heals all wounds - well, what if it doesn't? I'm really afraid I will always feel this way. It could end up for some people that they never find a new love and can't forget the old one.
RDawg Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Never find a new love? LadyM please don't talk like that.. I think falling in love is the easy part.. especially for us guys. If we find you attractive, if there's a bit of a spark, we can fall for you - it's part of that wiring. 1
Author margot13 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Even though the topic is serious, I so much enjoyed reading a lighthearted take on the pain of it all. It was so refreshing to be able to laugh reading this thread. Oh, and that line, time heals all wounds - well, what if it doesn't? I'm really afraid I will always feel this way. It could end up for some people that they never find a new love and can't forget the old one. Maybe that is the last thing we should be thinking of at the moment, but I know what you mean. I can't imagine at the moment feeling less love for my ex. But maybe just maybe that finding the RIGHT love is the issue. I am not sure either........... 1
Itspointless Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Oh, and that line, time heals all wounds - well, what if it doesn't? I'm really afraid I will always feel this way. It could end up for some people that they never find a new love and can't forget the old one. It does. Just sometimes the wound will itch and all the sensations that come with an itch will be there: don't scratch to hard. At other times it will propel you to tell stories that will make you smile. It will become an image you get used to as a part of you, or better said it will become part of your life-story. Just do not expect a quick fix, things like these cant be fixed that way if the person we are grieving about does not come back in our lives, and even than. 2
LornaFE Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Dear all, we got to believe that time heals all wounds. Really! What would we otherwise become? For me, it took always three or four years to get over in my 20ies. Now, in my 30ies, for the last big love I needed one year. It will heal, believe me. Love, Lorna
Softie Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) Never find a new love? LadyM please don't talk like that.. I think falling in love is the easy part.. especially for us guys. If we find you attractive, if there's a bit of a spark, we can fall for you - it's part of that wiring. Yes but I think so many can switch it off as easy as it's switched on. Whereas women are ruled by our hearts a lot if the time. Guess it's an individual thing rather than a male/female thing - just My experience so far Time def heals though. Edited December 27, 2013 by Softie Adding 1
Author margot13 Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Hi all, Of course time heals, in my dry sarcasm I am trying to point out how subjective time can be. And in my darkest hours, you know those ones where you lie awake at nighting begging your head to stop thinking, it's then the cliche of "time" can seem so cruel. :-) Time can go fast and it can go slow. I for one had the longest Christmas days ever, even though it was 48 hours. The hours dragged into this blur of forced festivity. :-)
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) All logic is shattered in the furry tyranny of a broken heart. Which is why more than half of us break contact, beg, plead and obsess. Our mind has no say anymore. We are all battered and beaten soldiers on the front lines of rejection. Warriors exhausted, out of breath from the end of the war. Our once tailored, ironed uniforms are now frayed and worn with holes in them...while some plop on the dirt ground exhausted, others somehow manage to put one foot in front of the other walking to a sunset that's about to be put to rest...There is no light to walk to, or so it seems. and that line, "time heals..." I want to throw a fart bomb at it. It's just some pity consolation to make someone feel better (even though you can't make anyone do/feel anything), to give them hope that this painful heartbreak that should kill you, won't. Sometimes I think it would be better if we did die, but we don't. It's like knowing the toilet is a pot to piss in -- we all know time heals. But right now we really know heartbreaks hurt. And we just want someone to listen and say, "yes, I know it sucks." I think what we all come on here looking for is some kind of magic phrase that will erase our perplexed minds and take us back to a time when we didn't love our ex's. But then you come here and you realize everyone is still hurting...we are all pumping hearts filled with anxiety and depression. We expect the pain to just go away in a click, a toss, a run, a shot, a phrase..but it doesn't. And it won't. No. All we have is the time before the hour that heals and magically erases our feelings. If only heartbreaks were kind enough to give us a countdown, a day to look forward to. Until then...Let me feel what I want. Edited December 27, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks 3
eotdevice Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Softie, At least for this guy (me) it has taken well over a year to regain myself from the last real love and I am still working on it. Its a bit better now, but I still need more time. 1
Itspointless Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I think what we all come on here looking for is some kind of magic phrase that will erase our perplexed minds and take us back to a time when we didn't love our ex's. Well it is possible. My ex has serious medial problems. Due to the stress she erased her feelings about us. If you find that magical phrase I am interested, also because this opened an old wound with me concerning illness and death.
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Well it is possible. My ex has serious medial problems. Due to the stress she erased her feelings about us. If you find that magical phrase I am interested, also because this opened an old wound with me concerning illness and death. No. You can't just erase feelings, sorry. That's a lie. BUT...I'm on lexapro, klonopin, xanax and phenobarbital and I'm flying high. I think about my ex still, but it's like the emotion is missing. I am no longer sad, it's just like a "oh, he isn't here anymore, okay" feeling. I love prescribed drugs.
Itspointless Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 No. You can't just erase feelings, sorry. That's a lie. BUT...I'm on lexapro, klonopin, xanax and phenobarbital and I'm flying high. I think about my ex still, but it's like the emotion is missing. I am no longer sad, it's just like a "oh, he isn't here anymore, okay" feeling. I love prescribed drugs. Thats to bad Good for you!
LadyM Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Never find a new love? LadyM please don't talk like that.. I think falling in love is the easy part.. especially for us guys. If we find you attractive, if there's a bit of a spark, we can fall for you - it's part of that wiring. You're funny! Maybe it's much easier for men than women to feel that spark. My ex found almost every woman attractive. Was huge breeding ground for tremendous insecurity for me.
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