smitty080 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Yes me and my girl of 5 years have recently called it quits....I think? Leg me share a little of our back story. I had this groups of friends that had a rock band in highschool. I was looking for a new crowed to hang with and I grew up with the guitarist. Started hanging with him and eventually became a part of this group. The drummer who was essentially the alpha male ...lol... Had this girl that just came back from collage because of illness at home. I'm at the band practice one day and this girl walks up stairs and just walks by everyone and sits down and starts doing home work. Is she some ones sister, girlfriend, just a friend? I was more than untreated by her. Time sent on and we partied and hung out and occasionally I would stop by to see him and he would be out and about and me and her would just be for hours. I wanted to grab on her but never did. Fast forward to a few years later everyone is still in same positions and relationships.we are all partying and having good time until her man starts a fight with another one of our friends and the other guy leaves. Her bf at the time comes and starts accusing her of flirting with the other other guy and he leaves. Its me and her there drunk as can be. I was just laying on my couch watching a movie and she snuggles into a spooning position with me. My body was raging with lust and I didn't k ow what to do. I went for it and started kissing her neck she reached down and grabbed my package....u can figure out the rest.. We hung out for a week or so just ****ing n sucking then one day her now ex dropes by and she says she didn't want to leave but I never told her not to go. A few years go by my gf at the time is packing weird lying and stealing from me. I had enough I was running off to Florida for a new start. I asked this girl to come with me her relationship with the guy she was with had been rocky for years since our first encounter.we go down and come back a couple of weeks later because of lack of funding. OK so that's our back story. She has been coming to me for a while telling me that this needs to change and she's in happy with this and she would half pack her stuff and I would tell her all the right things and she would snuggle up and let it go. Believing that I was going to do what I promised ... I never did. I have been focused on what we can do financialy. I found a job in the oil field and have worked and worked and done nothing but work for the past 8 months. She told me to just quit but I never listened. I thought how will I get you a new car how will I pay off our Dept's. I continued to just work n work. We planned to do things to our house to make it a home but nothing other than purchases happened until she did it. My thought at the time was well I work so much she can do it.she was throwing parties with her friend and that was the ONLY time I would take off work. Things at home were rough and I thought as long as I made money that no matter how much time we spent apart it would b ok if the bank was good. We drew apart and I spending so much time at worm started messing with dating sites. I thought all these girls say it wouldn't be a problem I was away so much and built little more resentment at home. We floated on seeing each other for a few hours in the morning until I finnaly met with two of them. I realized they are not what I wanted what I wanted was at home and I have been neglecting that relationship. The site we were on was only lasting another week or two and after we finished I would change my actions and spend more time with her. One day I came home and wanted to know what was going on so I snooped her phone. There was a message from a guy she works with how he could of went again again and again. I immediately woke her up and we had an argument about it. I told her to get the **** out and I left to go to the only bar that was open. On the way back I had a ephainey on what I had been doing. She was calling me the whole time I was gone. When I got home we cried I held her in my arms and we eventually had sex...I know wtf but I was drunk and in a bad place. She is still living with me and I forgive her for what was done. I now realize what I was doing promising to change and never did. The changes were all valid just in a living standpoint. I took a lot of time off work for the holidays and to try and fix home. We have shared some fun times cooking and what not. Looks good right? She is still talking to the guy from work. I have been pushing away so long and I want to show her I get it now and it doesn't matter how much we have but the relationships we have long the way. I try to be next to her though the holiday but when I read her phone she said she felt as if she has a stalker. I don't know what to do give her space but we live together still but she is talking to this guy while laying in my bed. I'm so confused by the last of this. She says she's afraid of pushing this guy away that could be something for me to just do that same bs again .... But she still sleeps in my bed let's me cuddle with her while going to sleep .. Kisses me (not the same as we once did) ... Little frazzled sorry if I jumped around any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated
Author smitty080 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 Bump ... Any thoughts at all
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 She's using you for comfort and as a back-up plan until she has another guy who will take care of her. That was easy. Next! 3
Author smitty080 Posted December 28, 2013 Author Posted December 28, 2013 I've thought on that but didn't know if there is just something there or if she is just using me eh see how it rides lol. Maybe she felt bad with Christmas my bday and new years. I snoooped and saw she texted him I'm sorry for ever bothering you. Never thought some one would send me for such a loop
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 "Such a loop" is right. "Riding it out?" That is you being weak-willed and spineless - letting her use you. Sounds like you are just as co-dependent by not letting go.
Author smitty080 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 "Such a loop" is right. "Riding it out?" That is you being weak-willed and spineless - letting her use you. Sounds like you are just as co-dependent by not letting go. Very valid point on co dependency (after some reading) spineless idn the girl tried and tried but I chose to work for 5 months with only 3 days off so o was tech. Gone for 5months I can see how it could be like just being alone. But this just seems like rationalizing being used in a codependent fog ... She was the codependent for A while....but yet more rationalization of a bad situation.. Thanks for the firm feed back CarrieT! Further comments on my rambels would be much appreciated especially with the now realization of co dependency
Insanityisdoingsame Posted December 29, 2013 Posted December 29, 2013 (edited) Bro you need to get this girl the **** out your house and life quick. It don"t matter what the reasons or justifications are. This girl has lost all respect for you and your relationship. Please set yourself free, letting this skank sleep in your house any longer, talking to her any longer will bring you nothing but pain and misery. Leave now and get a fresh start with someone new, someone whom you Dont have to worry if the bitch it sucking off some other dude. Im telling you from experience bro, GTFO now before this slut drives you Insane and you have the cops called on you for beating this guys asss. Edited December 29, 2013 by Insanityisdoingsame
Author smitty080 Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Your right if she did still respect me at all she would of cut ties with this guy and told me it was done.... She's not seeing this guy only texting him now that I'm off for a while almost want to just drag this on to keep them apart lol. Thanks again for the input
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