Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 To the women who are creeped out by this how would you like to meet guys? Just wondering how you get dates outside of your friends and work if you don't like guys talking to you in public? 2
MissBee Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 In another thread it sounded like some of the women there didn't like being approached at random. Now I can get not wanting to get majorly hit on in public. That said I was getting the impression that some commenters never want any guys talking to them in public at all. Which sounds kind of antisocial to me. I just want to know what the thought process is here. I mean theoretically if the guy is pleasant enough and or good looking would you feel the same way? Obviously not all women in real life are like this and I'd actually say most do like it when a guy in their "league" tastefully hits on them. I personally don't mind cold approaches. It is just a matter of how it is done. So long as you're not too forward and presumptuous but rather, you're charming, respectful etc. then I welcome it. I also appreciate men who can cold approach and take no for an answer. When I decline your offer and you can still tell me to have a great day and seem to genuinely mean it, it kinda makes me think hmmm....maybe I should give you my number lol. 2
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I think the answers here are a result of a small sample size. I am fairly confident that if you sampled a large population that you would probably find it split down the middle. There are two sides to the coin, just look at any thread here. What makes one person laugh might offend the next.
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 No. I MIGHT arrange to meet them again (doubtful)... but he would not have my personal information for quite some time. Don't you ever wonder if you rejected mr right just because of when he approached you?
MissBee Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) A lot of it may have to do with circumstance… There have been days that I will playfully banter with a stranger just because I'm having a good day and the circumstances warrant it. But I'm that kind of person. Example: I learned from a very successful, polished, professional salesman that the best way to break an uncomfortable silence of being in an elevator with a stranger, is to make a comment or a joke. I do it all the time, now. My new husband thinks it is kind of weird but he has begun to see how effective it is for changing a socially uncomfortable situation into one where everyone is more at ease. . So funny, because I don't really find being silent in an elevator uncomfortable. I might get in and say hello or when I'm leaving say "Have a good one", but besides that, that less than 1 minute ride is fine in silence for me. I find it more uncomfortable when people get on and make some awkward comment or joke, esp one that I don't think is funny or some random thing about their life and I now have to fake laugh or say something back to them about it. I don't have a problem bantering with strangers, I'm a pretty friendly person and I think people tend to randomly speak to me because I seem that way, but I also find it annoying when some people are so uncomfortable with silence that they HAVE to say something, anything. But I think it's also because I'm a person who gets lost in my own thought and my own world sometimes so it's easy for me to feel completely at ease in silence as I'm not worried about my surroundings but actually thinking about something else and am engrossed in that. Edited December 27, 2013 by MissBee
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I sometimes give girls high fives, completely randomly, especially when they are running down the street. It doesn't happen as often now, in the cold weather, but it definitely gets them out of whatever state they were in, and they always, smile, slow down and look back or stop altogether, I often just go about my business and act like its completely natural thing to do as though they needed that additional encouragement. 1
RedRobin Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Don't you ever wonder if you rejected mr right just because of when he approached you? Nope. 'Mr. Right' for me doesn't date strangers and would not do cold approaches.
MissBee Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I sometimes give girls high fives, completely randomly, especially when they are running down the street. It doesn't happen as often now, in the cold weather, but it definitely gets them out of whatever state they were in, and they always, smile, slow down and look back or stop altogether, I often just go about my business and act like its completely natural thing to do as though they needed that additional encouragement. I find high fives COMPLETELY awkward and also very platonic. If a man high fives me I automatically assume there is zero romantic interest there.
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Nope. 'Mr. Right' for me doesn't date strangers and would not do cold approaches. Everyone is a stranger though at some point. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 To the women who are creeped out by this how would you like to meet guys? Just wondering how you get dates outside of your friends and work if you don't like guys talking to you in public? I have had some really frightening situations with men approaching me. I think they saw it as an approach..to me it felt like an about to happen attack. I'm not kidding either. I could elaborate but wouldn't want to bore anyone. I like being approached and I see guys in the supermarket or wherever and think he's nice and smile back when he smiles. They are never the ones who approach though. The last one who did in a shop was leering at me in the queue, visibly began sweating and shaking and looking at my chest. On the way out of the shop he had waited for me and said 'I want to f you'. I walked out without responding. This was a respectable looking man in work attire (as I was too). He actually was quite attractive..or was..prior to the sweating leering and shaking..and the 'pick up line'! That was earlier this week.
RedRobin Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Everyone is a stranger though at some point. Maybe. I guarantee I have more in common with the guy who shows up to help out at a volunteer event, one of my activity groups, or a work conference than some random guy who happens to be at the same Starbucks or shares the sidewalk with me.
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 I have had some really frightening situations with men approaching me. I think they saw it as an approach..to me it felt like an about to happen attack. I'm not kidding either. I could elaborate but wouldn't want to bore anyone. I like being approached and I see guys in the supermarket or wherever and think he's nice and smile back when he smiles. They are never the ones who approach though. The last one who did in a shop was leering at me in the queue, visibly began sweating and shaking and looking at my chest. On the way out of the shop he had waited for me and said 'I want to f you'. I walked out without responding. This was a respectable looking man in work attire (as I was too). He actually was quite attractive..or was..prior to the sweating leering and shaking..and the 'pick up line'! That was earlier this week. So you don't mind it if some guy talks to you in the store and isn't doing creepy things like staring at your boobs etc? If so I'd say that's how most women I've met are. They don't mind getting "hit on" in public if its done respectfully and tastefully by a guy who they would normally consider datable. 1
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Maybe. I guarantee I have more in common with the guy who shows up to help out at a volunteer event, one of my activity groups, or a work conference than some random guy who happens to be at the same Starbucks or shares the sidewalk with me. I get where you are coming form, but that doesn't mean that he isn't interested in those things. Maybe he volunteers at the same place in a different town or might be in the same field as you, just didn't attend the conference. I'm not saying run off with a cold approach, but a couple minute conversation you might be surprised. It might be worth it to keep the door cracked open instead of shut completely. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) The best way to break the ice with anyone is to make a little joke. Even if it's not too funny. That said ... All BS about situations, how he acts, etc. aside the answer to this kind of question is always and will always be in this video. LiveLeak.com - Excellent Training film on sexual harassment,(Staring NFL QB Tom Brady) To approach women in public and not be a "creep" or "stalker"... Be Handsome Be Attractive Don't be unattractive. (Realize that women's cycles can change who they find attractive. A week or two latter the guy who couldn't get any love in that video might have all the luck and Tom Brady gets taken out in handcuffs. Peer reviewed scientific publications have shown this time and time again. ) Edited December 27, 2013 by Mrlonelyone
GemmaUK Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 So you don't mind it if some guy talks to you in the store and isn't doing creepy things like staring at your boobs etc? If so I'd say that's how most women I've met are. They don't mind getting "hit on" in public if its done respectfully and tastefully by a guy who they would normally consider datable. If he is not leering, just smiling and making conversation, being friendly but not over the top..no, it's a good thing. It's very rare. Usually with the nice ones I get a comment as they are getting on the train or about to leave telling me my husband is a lucky man....too late to explain I have no husband...and I wouldn't go after a stranger to say I'm not.
GemmaUK Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 The best way to break the ice with anyone is to make a little joke. Even if it's not too funny. That said ... All BS about situations, how he acts, etc. aside the answer to this kind of question is always and will always be in this video. LiveLeak.com - Excellent Training film on sexual harassment,(Staring NFL QB Tom Brady) To approach women in public and not be a "creep" or "stalker"... Be Handsome Be Attractive Don't be unattractive. (Realize that women's cycles can change who they find attractive. A week or two latter the guy who couldn't get any love in that video might have all the luck and Tom Brady gets taken out in handcuffs. Peer reviewed scientific publications have shown this time and time again. ) Very funny video...but no...it doesn't work!
Author Onethirtyeight Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 If he is not leering, just smiling and making conversation, being friendly but not over the top..no, it's a good thing. It's very rare. Usually with the nice ones I get a comment as they are getting on the train or about to leave telling me my husband is a lucky man....too late to explain I have no husband...and I wouldn't go after a stranger to say I'm not. Really? I mean I don't pay attention to the dating habits of other men. You mean to say most men that approch you don't act "normal" or respectful?
Phantom888 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Women are just human. Like all humans, we enjoy positive attention. If the stranger is pleasant and polite, then it increases the odds of having a decent and enjoyable exchange. In this respect, women and men are not all that different. 1
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I find high fives COMPLETELY awkward and also very platonic. If a man high fives me I automatically assume there is zero romantic interest there. I just do it because I don't really care what the outcome is. 1
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I just do it because I don't really care what the outcome is. I think that's an awesome idea. I have contemplated doing it myself, just as an experiment to see how people reacted. I was curious to see if people were cold to it or went along with it. If nothing else I think people would get a laugh out of it. And to the girl who said that high fives are platonic. It shouldn't matter to a stranger, but if you are high giving your girlfriend goodbye then there might be a problem. I bet this could be a conversation starter as well if you see the person again. She might see you and say Hey its high five guy and there could be the opening for conversation. 1
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 try it, its actually not awkward at all...maybe a bit surprising or even funny to the girl because she expects you to be courteous and polite and ignore her as your are walking on the same sidewalk or take a nice walk in the park and then BAM, you put you hand up at the last moment and she instinctively gives you a high five too. its more for amusement purposes really...and she is just going on autopilot anyway, its just nonsense...treat it as such. 1
ShyGuy5 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 try it, its actually not awkward at all...maybe a bit surprising or even funny to the girl because she expects you to be courteous and polite and ignore her as your are walking on the same sidewalk or take a nice walk in the park and then BAM, you put you hand up at the last moment and she instinctively gives you a high five too. its more for amusement purposes really...and she is just going on autopilot anyway, its just nonsense...treat it as such. Yea I think it would be fun to do. I always get really close to doing it and then I chicken out at the last second.
jba10582 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 (edited) try not to interpret the reactions, because it doesn't matter what the reaction is if you are coming from a place of self amusement anyway...I have no idea why, but talking about it reminds me of a comedy skit where a marathon runner automatically tries to grab a cup of water from someone's hand as she is running. she ends up grabbing the wrong cup and a guy's coffee instead and pours it all over her face...the guy clearly disturbed by this, not meaning for it to happen quickly gets out of there fast! Edited December 27, 2013 by jba10582
hudson701 Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I'm ok chatting up and being polite to strangers. I'm not interested in giving any of them my private information... unless we have some other social filters in place that have already somewhat screened them in advance. Random approaches by strangers looking for romance out in the public are not welcome. Ever. Lol I wonder if you have ever been gamed by a PUA? All women are susceptible to a certain degree...
Vogeltron Posted December 31, 2013 Posted December 31, 2013 I would hate this. I speak to people in public all the time. The idea of walking around isolated is slightly mind-boggling to me, and I am an introvert! If I am at Starbucks or in the supermarket and conversation can be struck up organically, I am all for it. I once dated a guy I met in my doctor's waiting room. The key is that the conversation has to start about a joke, or an interest, or an observation, NOT as a hit on me. Then, if we click a bit, it's fine to ask me out. I guess I am a mix of Carrie and Ruby! I did say I probably shouldn't have commented on an column asking for women's advice. However, I don't think as a male I ever thought a woman would go up to a man and give them the advice I talked about. I was giving that advice to the poster. Who probably doesn't care and don't have the confidence to begin with so it is irrelevant. But seriously, to shoot me down like that. I hate to tell you but with today's women. They are so into facebook and internet etc. There are no real mean willing to ask them out. It is a big shock when someone actually mans up. It is a different paradigm.
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