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Is clingy bad? Or should I meet someone that will give the attention I need?

freebird31

By freebird31
in Coping

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pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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Ok...I think I didn't make myself clear at all lol. Maybe because I am still trying to figure myself out. By going out, I mean partying as in drinking all the crazy stuff. I enjoy going in adventures. Amusement parks, visiting sites, working out with my partner, going to the beach. My ex partner on the other hand, preferred drinking with his buds. Not my type of fun. Not for every weekend anyway. I guess I'm not a COMPLETE home body. What I meant is, I'm not so much into this partying scene. I'll also add we are both 21. I had asked him a few times if he wanted to go hike to the holly wood sign, I liked to do those type of things. For him, fun is partying with his friends. I don't care if if his friend did other stuff like Idk BOWLING. But nope, all the like to do is party. So that's what I mean by I went for him. If his friends did things I liked, then maybe I can say I enjoyed going. Ugh, I'm confused.

 

I think ultimately, you just weren't compatible. That's ok. Maybe someone a little older would be appropriate? I always dated older in my 20s, and I found it worked better.

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freebird31 Established Member

freebird31

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I think ultimately, you just weren't compatible. That's ok. Maybe someone a little older would be appropriate? I always dated older in my 20s, and I found it worked better.

 

Lol you're killin me. I hate hearing that we are not compatible lol. I get this weird fantasy that one day we will reconnect again...totally foolish, yeah I know lol

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

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Posted
Lol you're killin me. I hate hearing that we are not compatible lol. I get this weird fantasy that one day we will reconnect again...totally foolish, yeah I know lol

 

I know. I don't know you, but I know that things like this become obstacles and stay that way for a reason. Unless he becomes more like you, or you become more like him, there's an issue.

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freebird31 Established Member

freebird31

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I know. I don't know you, but I know that things like this become obstacles and stay that way for a reason. Unless he becomes more like you, or you become more like him, there's an issue.

 

Well, the problem is he's immature right? I mean all he wants do is drink with his friends. (Still don't get how that's fun for every weeknd ) so, maybe once he matures and gets over this partying phase there's a chance . I mean, as slim of a chance it is...there still a chance right. I mean I'm not going to wait around I'm moving on..but I like to keep all my doors open

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted (edited)
Well, the problem is he's immature right? I mean all he wants do is drink with his friends. (Still don't get how that's fun for every weeknd ) so, maybe once he matures and gets over this partying phase there's a chance . I mean, as slim of a chance it is...there still a chance right. I mean I'm not going to wait around I'm moving on..but I like to keep all my doors open

 

I'm not one for looking to the past to resurrect a relationship that has ended.

 

But that's just me. :)

Edited by pickflicker
2fargone Established Member

2fargone

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I think you are right, but sometimes I feel like if he were to have spent more time with me he was never going to have time for himself. Either he spent time with me or his friends. I didn't and would NEVER make him choose. But he was so freaken busy all the time:( and I think he had horrible time management so that was another thing. Everything was perfect until he got that stupid job. I guess he just wasn't ready to commit and put his extra energy, the energy he had left, in the relationship. I wish I had all these answers. But it was a bad break up too :( did not end well whatsoever

 

 

 

You shouldn't have to make him chose, he should have made that choice himself. To want to be with you. To make you feel and actualy for him to think you are far more important.

 

 

The energy that he had left should not go to you. You should have been top priority. Whatever was left should have been for his friends. Not the other way around.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I think you are right, but sometimes I feel like if he were to have spent more time with me he was never going to have time for himself. Either he spent time with me or his friends. I didn't and would NEVER make him choose. But he was so freaken busy all the time:( and I think he had horrible time management so that was another thing. Everything was perfect until he got that stupid job. I guess he just wasn't ready to commit and put his extra energy, the energy he had left, in the relationship. I wish I had all these answers. But it was a bad break up too :( did not end well whatsoever

 

 

Jobs are not stupid. They are how you earn a living. A first job can be very draining. You are on a new schedule. You have different worries & pressures.

 

 

Yes, it's nice if the free time is spent with an SO but friends are important too.

 

 

You can't live on love alone

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pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
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Jobs are not stupid. They are how you earn a living. A first job can be very draining. You are on a new schedule. You have different worries & pressures.

 

 

Yes, it's nice if the free time is spent with an SO but friends are important too.

 

 

You can't live on love alone

 

Particularly if it's the first job in a chosen field. It's extremely important. It's make or break. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for a relationship. It's more expendable.

 

Sad, but true.

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

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Be yourself and stay clingy.

 

I would prefer a "clingy" girl for a serious relationship. There needs to be more women with emotion in this world. Too many robots and ones that push their feelings aside.

 

Interesting. I once was clingy. My husband said I was smothering him. I worked hard to overcome that. Its been more than 25 years since I learned not to be clingy. I'm conditioned now to not act that way. An example is last night. He went to a movie alone and I stayed home. But deep inside I want to be with him all the time.

 

I was going to respond to the OP that it is possible to overcome being clingy but for me its mostly been overcoming the behavior.

 

Our history is different though so don't base anything off us. Hubby is ill and failing and every minute is precious but he still does not want me to cling. I'm glad I've learned this behavior. Its served me well over the years and will keep me well as I lose my remaining loved ones and cope with changes ahead.

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freebird31 Established Member

freebird31

Posted
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Jobs are not stupid. They are how you earn a living. A first job can be very draining. You are on a new schedule. You have different worries & pressures.

 

 

Yes, it's nice if the free time is spent with an SO but friends are important too.

 

 

You can't live on love alone

 

It wasn't his career. It was a part time job he got on the side. We are both still in school full time. But he was juggling this part time job, his career goals (extra curricular stuff for his major) and me. If it was his career, no you're right it's not stupid. But this part time job took away his time . But yea you're right he did need the money either way, whether it was a career it just a minimum wage job. I can't pin that on him...

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