He Broke the rules !!!

[HisSweety]

We are both married , both for over 25 yrs ! We have always had a lot of fun and enjoyed alot of great times but lately something had been different about him . We met for a romantic evening , things were great .

I asked what their plans were for NYE , he said I wish we could spend it together , I like usual replied That will NEVER happen . He said "never say never " A common response .

 

A while later we were just talking about it again and I reminded him Never gonna happen his reply was different " He said not this year " I said never and that I was ok with that , that I knew he would never leave because of his kids ( adults mind you ) and grandkids . Then he said IT !!! Looked at me and said what if I love someone more than my kids , I kinda chuckled and said but that is not allowed , he followed by " I have loved you for a long time "

 

Now I am confused . Any thoughts ? Keep in mind I have never told him to leave , made him make a choice , told him not to have sex with his wife , and family first ALWAYS . Just don't understand where that came from

[happy stillmore]

Do you feel the same way for him? It is rare for the MM to be the one who wants to make the scary big changes. Sometimes the heart knows what it wants.

[Baby123]

Please note the fantasy of leaving and the reality of leaving is very different.

 

Long marriages are very hard to break up.

[whichwayisup]

Do you plan on leaving your husband if he does leave his wife?

 

Please note the fantasy of leaving and the reality of leaving is very different.

 

Long marriages are very hard to break up.

 

Very true.

 

It's impossible to just end a long marriage, and then start a new life the very next day with someone else. Sorry, I guess it IS possible, but it's completely unhealthy to do so.

[HisSweety]

Do you feel the same way for him? It is rare for the MM to be the one who wants to make the scary big changes. Sometimes the heart knows what it wants.

 

Yes I do !

[HisSweety]

Do you plan on leaving your husband if he does leave his wife?

 

 

 

Very true.

 

It's impossible to just end a long marriage, and then start a new life the very next day with someone else. Sorry, I guess it IS possible, but it's completely unhealthy to do so.

 

 

Honestly I left my marriage a long time ago . Separate rooms , formalities with family functions , that's about it

[whichwayisup]

Honestly I left my marriage a long time ago . Separate rooms , formalities with family functions , that's about it

 

So, why not leave your husband, regardless of what MM does or doesn't do? I'm sure your H won't be devastated since you say you're separated pretty much now.

[lollipopspot]

Then he said IT !!! Looked at me and said what if I love someone more than my kids

 

I really dislike it that a parent would phrase it this way. It doesn't have to be "loving someone more than his kids" or some kind of a contest for who gets the most love. It can be that the kids are adults and don't need him to maintain a sham of a marriage.

[Snipercatt]

I'm with Lolli.

 

Regardless, there's a big difference between someone saying, "what if I love someone" and "I love someone".

[HisSweety]

I really dislike it that a parent would phrase it this way. It doesn't have to be "loving someone more than his kids" or some kind of a contest for who gets the most love. It can be that the kids are adults and don't need him to maintain a sham of a marriage.

 

I believe that was what he meant to say . It just came out the other way

[Baby123]

My mm used the same line- I think its meant to show they will love there new family more then there old family.

[Snipercatt]

my experience is that it is "future faking" with no attempt at obligation.

 

As I said, BIG difference saying "what if" versus "I will".

 

Baby, your post affirms what Lolli posted. Is that what you intended?

[Baby123]

Yes but I was just trying to shed some light on why MM would use that line as really its quite bizarre, how can love of a child compare with love of a partner and vice versa.

[blue963]

ditto about separate room and family functions for formalities. Not an easy way to live and be married that long. I think it takes everything out of you.

[Snipercatt]

The nature of the comment is disturbing on many levels, none good.

 

If he meant it, then I, like you think it is bizarre to compare the love for a child to that of a romantic partner thus leading one to wonder about his emotional maturity. Or, he was "future faking" and it didn't mean much at all other than to exert push/pull on HisSeety, again, very immature.

[krazikat]

Yes but I was just trying to shed some light on why MM would use that line as really its quite bizarre, how can love of a child compare with love of a partner and vice versa.

 

Your comment didnt shed any positive light on the comment, but is pretty vile. A parent commenting that children with ap would be loved more then existing children is absolutely disgusting...how could anyone try to excuse that?

[beach]

Was he completely sober when he said that?

[Baby123]

Your comment didnt shed any positive light on the comment, but is pretty vile. A parent commenting that children with ap would be loved more then existing children is absolutely disgusting...how could anyone try to excuse that?

 

Where did I excuse it? Where did I say anything other than my MM said it, and the reason why I think he said it.

 

I said I thought it was bizarre in fact.

[krazikat]

Where did I excuse it? Where did I say anything other than my MM said it, and the reason why I think he said it.

 

I said I thought it was bizarre in fact.

 

 

You said "My mm used the same line" follows by your excuse for it as if it made it sound better or even make sense why a mm would say such a thing - "I think its meant to show they will love there new family more then there old family."

 

You said comparing romantic love with the love for a child is bizarre in reference to the op original comment. And only AFTER another poster called it out. Or did I miss-read your posts?

[Baby123]

Take things as you will- your very sensitive.

 

I just stated my mm said it and why.

[HisSweety]

Was he completely sober when he said that?

 

Yes he was .

[HisSweety]

I really dislike it that a parent would phrase it this way. It doesn't have to be "loving someone more than his kids" or some kind of a contest for who gets the most love. It can be that the kids are adults and don't need him to maintain a sham of a marriage.

 

 

I think he meant it as in I love my kids but I love you too . We have both stayed married for our children adults or not , we have always but them first

[Bootsie]

...Any thoughts ? ... Just don't understand where that came from

 

 

My thoughts are... he didn't break any rules... he just said some words.

[HisSweety]

My thoughts are... he didn't break any rules... he just said some words.

 

No it was in the rules when this whole affair started almost 4 yrs ago , no " L " word !!! We had an entire list of them . No talk of leaving , no talk of love , yes we could say we care but never the LOVE word !

[Cocochai]

Please note the fantasy of leaving and the reality of leaving is very different.

 

Long marriages are very hard to break up.

 

Not if the marriage was already broken up. Which can be years before actually divorcing.